your view on porn in a relationship

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you feel about porn in your relationship?
    we both watch it sometimes and have no issues with it : (92 votes)
    47 %
    he watches, but I have no problem with it : (21 votes)
    11 %
    he watches, but I don't like that he does this : (6 votes)
    3 %
    we watch together : (21 votes)
    11 %
    we dont watch it or agree with it : (33 votes)
    17 %
    I watch, he doesn't : (10 votes)
    5 %
    I have a feeling he watches and doesn't tell me about it : (14 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2115 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We both watch it; neither of us have a problem with it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    i couldn’t vote. because neither of us care about it. if he watches? i don’t know, and i don’t care. i don’t like to watch it. so. it’s sort of a “doesn’t really matter” thing for the two of us.

    Post # 5
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee

    We both watch but don’t talk about it. It has no role in our relationship, it has a role in our individual lives. Until we decide to involve it further!

    Post # 6
    Member
    8708 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    He probably watches it, I don’t really care if he does. I don’t, it has never really interested me.

    Porn should not be an issue in a relationship unless it is actively taking one person away from the other. If our sex life is suffering, there is a problem. Otherwise, I could not care less.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2687 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @katydaisy:  He watches porn, I watch porn. I think it’s okay as long as it’s done in a healthy manner (i.e. don’t become addicted). I would never in my life tell him he couldn’t watch porn, just like I would never let him tell me I can’t watch porn. That just wouldn’t fly, haha. I enjoy my porn time. It’s just like a relaxing time for just me. Like what my showers used to be, before he decided to impose upon my shower time, haha. He wants to watch porn together, but I won’t do it. It’s my time, damn it. Okay, rant over haha. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @katydaisy:  We watch/look at it occasionally both alone and together although, now that I’m thinking about it, not as often as before. 

    Just FYI…be prepared for this thread to potentially get ugly. This is a topic that can sometimes set this place off.

    Post # 9
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee

    He watches. I join him on occasion.

    My only rule is that he doesn’t watch it while we’re in the same room. IE. if I were asleep and he decided sex needed to happen NOW, he needs to go to another room.

    Post # 10
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I wish you could pick more than one option here — SO and I both watch porn occasionally and sometimes we watch together. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    6510 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t have a problem with it as long as it doesn’t affect our sex life! I don’t think DH watches it but I don’t ask him about it so I don’t really know. I don’t watch it but I admit to reading some pretty trashy novels…

    I do think it’s wrong when someone lies about it though. I see stroies on here where a bees SO says they won’t watch it and still do. In that situation I don’t necessarily have an issue with the porn but I do have an issue with the lying.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4072 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I love me some good porn. I regularly watch (but we are long distance – I rarely do when we’re together). He does a few times a week as well when we’re apart, but he doesn’t seem to like it as much as I do.

    We have sometimes watched porn together. I’ve even sent him porn here and there when I find a good video.

    If the couple is secure in their relationship, I don’t see why porn should be an issue at all.

    Post # 13
    Member
    11002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I believe that pornography is exploitive and is dishonoring to God, to those who view it, to the spouses (and future spouses) of those who view it, and even to those who have chosen to appear in it.  My DH also opposes it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    First and foremost…

    Porn has different definitions for different people.

    My definition of acceptable porn in OUR relationship are:

    • Books (reading)
    • Magazines (ala Playboy, Penthouse)
    • Tv & Films (as long as neither of us know anyone in the things we watch)

    So under those circumstances:

    I VOTED – WE BOTH WATCH SOMETIMES AND HAVE NO ISSUE WITH IT

    We watch alone, we watch together.  No big deal.  It is not something we do a lot, just something we sometimes do.  Generally speaking it puts “spice” into our relationship, or drives the desire.

    No harm, no foul.

    — — —

    That said…

    Porn beyond the above definitions.  Porn that is interactionary… such as Internet Porn where one is a participant or gets to “direct” the action via requests and a live video cam

    Ya that doesn’t fly with either of us

    THAT IS BY DEFINITION SEXUAL ACTIVITY WITH SOMEONE WITH WHOM YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP

    Even if “that relationship” is merely typing into a computer

    — — —

    Observations on Porn in general.

    Porn has changed greatly in the last 20 years.

    Once upon a time all the porn out there was in the first category.

    Now more and more porn is in the second.

    And the availability of having access to porn to 24/7 has also increased.  Consequently it seems to me that Porn is becoming more and more of an issue in many peoples lives

    That isn’t so much a BIG DEAL when someone is single

    It is more problematic when someone is in a romantic relationship

    From what I’ve read here on WBee, Porn Addiction seems to be a HUGE problem for a lot of men who grew up in the Internet Age.

    And that creates relationship issues…

    Be it just the fact that the Woman doesn’t like it… or like ALL addictions things get increasingly worse over time until it impacts the real world…

    There does seem to be an inordinate amount of men who have the ability to control their exposure… so much so that it impacts their romantic relationships OR worse yet their own sexual performance

    In so much as they cannot achieve an erection / perform (due to over wanking off)

    OR they cannot get arroused in a normal sexual content with a real live woman any more

    And BOTH of those are HUGE issues

    Stuff NO ONE seems to have bothered to tell that man about when he was a pre-pubescent / pubescent teenager

    Porn can fuck up your head as well as your body !!

    And in so doing will also fuck up your relationships.

    Someone needs to bring that info back to the forefront.

    Ie… Nothing wrong with Porn in moderation.  But moderation is key.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    4395 posts
    Honey bee

    None of your options apply to me. Neither of us watch, but we’renot against it. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    My ex watched porn often, and it didn’t bother me.

    My fiancé has in the past, he tells me he doesn’t anymore, I always answer ”hmm hmm” with a smile, even though I’m sure he wouldn’t lie to me (obviously, we can talk about this stuff openly). 

    Once I’ve heard from my ex and a few other men (either on blogs, or in books, or even TV) that men are visual creatures, that they enjoy the action in the porn movie, and not the porn stars so much, it erased all fears and insecurities I could have. I know my fiancé will not fantasize about a porn actress. And even if he did every once in a while, it’s just an image, it’s not real, and as long as it doesn’t have any negative impact in our relationship and sex life, that he doesn’t need porn in order to have a satisfying sex life, it’s all fine by me. 

    I tried to watch porn a few times but it doesn’t turn me on, it pretty much disgusts me instead. I prefer imagining sex or erotism (ex.: reading an erotic novel would be okay) than seeing it, with huge detailed camera views. It’s not my thing ! 

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