Post # 1
My mother and aunts are starting to pressure me about getting engaged. I just turned 22 earlier this month, so it’s not like my baby clock is ‘ticking’ yet. Some background – I was in a steady relationship out of high school for 2 1/2 years, bad things happened, I finally got away. But no one knew what was going on and there had been a little talk about marriage – glad it didn’t happen!
But now I have been with my current boyfriend for just over 15 months and while I am excited to get engaged to him and want to marry him (I think he’s THE ONE for me!), I am his first girlfriend (he’s the same age as I am) and we are both just at the end of getting our respective Bachelor degrees from college (Go USF Bulls!). So we have agreed we will not talk about it until after graduation. However, my mother and aunts have been asking about a ring or marriage and even some of my friends, older and younger. I mean, I turned 22 just 18 days ago – is it REALLY that time for me already?! I mean, I have looked at wedding things over the years and thought about it because a) I’m a female, it’s what we do; b) I photograph weddings and want to do more; and c) my boyfriend and I have briefly discussed it. (Plus I would LOVE to marry him – he is AMAZING!) I mean, I do have some traditional views on marriage and such but…. already?!
Has anyone else being pressured yet? Do you think I’m too young? Should I be engaged already?
Post # 3
I dont think youre too young to be talking about it yourself, but definately too young to feel pressure about it! I am 22 also, and most people talk about how surprising it is that Fiance and I are getting married so young (he’s 24, and we’ve been together 3 years). We waited until after we graduated with our bachelors to get engaged.
Post # 4
You shouldn’t be engaged until YOU (not your mom, not your aunts, not anyone but YOU and your SO) are ready!!!! If you love him but aren’t ready for marriage yet–WAIT! Wedding planning is stressful and you don’t want to resent it because it isn’t something you’re whole-heartedly ready for–and hell, you’re busy enough right now finishing your degrees, celebrate that for what it is before you move onto the next thing. Your SO is great, you love him, so there is nothing wrong with waiting since it sounds like that is what you prefer right now.
Post # 5
Also, I think you are old enough, but you don’t want to get engaged based on someone else’s schedule…
Post # 6
My baby sister goes to usf! And by baby I mean she just finished her BS there and is now working on her Master’s. They grow up so fast!
I firmly believe in a dating standard I learn from a variety of dating magazines/websites…. dat efor 2 years after you’re 22. The reason being… you have so much to do at and after age 22… ESPECIALLy with a newish boyfie. Have fun, see where things go, and kick anyone to the curb who thinks that your pace is wrong or too slow. 15 months? Take your time, enjoy it. If you ever say, “Should I be engaged by now?” then you should ask yourself, “according to whom?” If you want to be engaged and that’s all you can think about, that’s a different story. Personally, I didn’t even start THINKING about engagement until we’d been together 2.5 years (started dating when I was 20, he was 21).
Post # 7
Thanks for the encouragement ladies.
We talked about it (during which I cried because I really felt pressed because we’re visiting my parents right now and my mom keeps giving me these LOOKS) and we know that we want it to happen but I realized that while everyone else wants me to be ready, I tricked myself into thinking I’m ready and SO is not yet. I am not sure I am, either.
With feeling pressured, it’s because my family is very traditional. Like, my parents were the oldest couple in my family to get married (although both were originally married before to their high school sweethearts), so it’s almost tradition in my family to get married young, except my one cousin who got married this year at the age of 35.
I guess also a mental pressure of a lot of my friends being engaged, getting engaged/married and they are younger than I am.
Post # 8
First off Congrats on getting your degree! I’ve been raised in Tampa and went to FSU for college and came back home after my college boyfriend and I decided we were going to move back to Tampa.
We met when I was 19 and he was 23. Now I am 23 and he is 28. We both have respectable professional jobs with great futures ahead so for us having the conversation isn’t anything unrealistic. Now we both know we love each other and want to be together but now that we have been together so long I know 100% how you feel. People all around me are getting engaged and married, my Catholic family and his traditional Southern family say stuff all the time! The fact is I would say yes if he proposed rihht now, but it also would be a good time for us. But we get ridiculous amounts of comments from people, and honestly it makes the wait soo much more difficult. I wish people would just keep the comments to themselves.
If it doesn’t feel right don’t force the conversation too soon. Let your family know things are great with Mr. and it’s something that will come in the future but you have some personal goals you want to achieve. If i was a parent and my child told me that I would be very proud. The fact is people change soooooo much after college. The pressure of ‘the real world’ is a lot different then college classes and I think it would be wise to wait after you both have been working for at least a year.
But good luck, it sounds like you have a lot of excellent things going for you!
Post # 9
I come from a culture that pressures girls to get married in or right out of high school (rural area, lots of farmers). My sister got married at 20. My brother’s girlfriend was 19. I personally disagreed with it, but am still going to be 26 when I marry (my fi will be 30).
I was engaged at 21 after feeling some super pressure from my family (and my own wanting to have a wedding, not a marriage). We broke it off after I realized I wanted to try a different fish in the sea before I tited the knot. I am super glad I didn’t give in to the pressure. I really have enjoyed living single and alone in a different city and establishing myself without a man in my life!
Post # 10
Wow. 22 is too young to me! Don’t let them get you down.
Post # 11
I’m sorry they’re pressuring you. Let them say what they will, but stick to your guns. Only you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend will know when the time is right. Thank them for their input and change the subject whenever they bring it up.
Post # 12
Thanks for all the advice, ladies!
I’ve really calmed down about it. Even my DAD made a comment earlier tonight about it but quickly pretended like he didn’t. I’m thinking that everyone will be giving up about it soon since I pretty much won’t be seeing anyone for like, 4 months! lol. Yay college!