"You're not normal"

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Anna113619:  You’re not normal because you don’t seem gracious of his offer to pay for school? I’m just guessing here.

Post # 3
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Anna113619:  I would take it as a mildly condescending comment…and move on…?  

Sorry, I fail to see the issue here.  It sounds like spat is all.  

Post # 5
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

…Honestly? 

The two in combination send up a red flag. Well, actually 3: 

1. Who, after a few months, TELLS someone they should go to school (since it sounds like it was his idea in the first place) and then offers to pay for it? A girlfriend of a few months? 

2. That he offers to pay for it at all. It’d be one thing if you were married and shared finances, but it’s a little weird. 

3. That he then decides to tell you that you’re not “normal.” Which is wildly inappropriate for ANYONE to say. No one’s “normal.” 

Look, here is “normal”: *most people,* if someone they loved brought up the subject of school and said, “Gee, I think I really want to go” would say, “Sounds great! You’ll do awesome!” or whatever and IF they were committed, perhaps they’d say, “Well, if you need it, I can help you out/maybe we can live together”. My own DH and I had only dated for about 6 months when I decided to go to grad school and his response was “Great!” and then he helped me study for the GREs. 

And it sounds like what your BF said is: “You should go to school and I should pay for it and if you don’t agree you’re not normal.” 

THAT sounds controlling. 

You know him better than me, but I’d certainly be wary and annoyed. 

Post # 6
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Anna113619:  How many, exactly, is “several months” of dating?

Post # 7
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

This line of yours “I explained to him that I will do what I see fit for my life, but thanks anyway.” comes across as a confrontational comment. I’m guessing he was expecting you to either accept his help, or be really grateful and politely decline. Maybe you did, but maybe you didn’t. If you responded “I’ll do what I see fit for my life, thanks anyways” it could have come off as rude? Like you didn’t appreciate his offer. So maybe that’s what he’s getting at? 

 

It IS pretty darn generous of him to offer that. Especially if it’s something that would really help you in your field. I think it’s smart you’re not indebting yourself to him, but I do think a “Wow, that’s really generous of you! I don’t feel comfortable accepting money from a SO, only from a fiance or a spouse (or a parent? family?), but I really appreciate how much you want to and are willing to support me. Thanks.”

 

Also — agree with BurlapnLace, it’s probably nothing more than a passing comment. No one is normal, because we’re all different and we’ve all defined normal as whatever WE do, so how can anyone else be normal? 😉 

Post # 8
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m not normal either, so you’re in good company 😉

In all seriousness, I’m sure he has his offbeat traits too, and it’s rude, to me, to act like your weirdness is something he has to “handle” rather than embrace.

Post # 10
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Two more comments…<br /><br />Like BothCoasts said, if he’s trying to PUSH you into school (not just saying “hey I think this would help you” because you WANT to go back eventually) and you DON’T want to go, then that’s  controlling. There are people who would like you to be indebted to them, because then they effectively have a “one up” on you, or they “own” you. Watch out for those people. 

Second, my FI and I tell each other “you’re not normal” allllll the time, but it’s more in a sweet/I-love-your-kind-of-crazy way. Same with me and my friends. So I would disagree with BothCoasts on that point, that it’s innappropriate for anyone to say. I think it can be said in a loving way, just maybe it wasn’t in this case. 

Post # 12
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I might get a little miffed is someone responded to me in the manner that you did, but I would also feel a little uncomfortable is someone I hadn’t been seeing for that long offered to pay for my school. Meh, it’s a growing pain!

Post # 14
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Anna113619:  Well, 7 months. I can’t judge your entire relationship on one post you wrote, but after 7 months, we were already living together and discussing marriage. Perhaps his male ego is hurt, he feels slighted, or he feels like you don’t love him the same way he loves you.

Post # 15
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

he thinks ur not normal because he wants to pay ur school for you and you dont want him to.

…oh men, the joys lol 😛

dont let it bug ya babe, i get called crazy on the regular lol

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