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Awww, hon, I actually understand ! unless I take a day off work sick (like today) I have zero solo time anymore and I miss it ! I really miss it ! Like you, I adore my husband, but it's hard not having that time to yourself to just do "me stuff". And no, you're right, it's not the same with hubby home.
I'm glad he's feeling better though.
And you are anything but a bitch !
I can totally relate. My DH is in school and unemployed (just odd jobs here and there) and its very hard to get any alone time.
I used to be so productive when he was gone and when he is around I just love to cuddle and watch a movie together.
There isnt a really easy way to say you don't want them around, but maybe you can find an errand or a job to keep him busy for a while to give you some space.
It doesn't sound terrible at all. I'm the same exact way. My husband is an engineer manager and normally works 2nd shift 3pm until midnight. I miss him like crazy and look forward to our weekends.
Well for 4 months he was laid off and then just started a new job, but he's been working day shift, so we are always home together and I have realized how much I love being able to miss him and getting my own stuff done. He goes back to 2nd shift after the holidays and I'm excited for it. LOL
@ItalianLady: awww, thanks. I'm glad you understand. I felt bad when he told me over the phone about 15 minutes ago...I think he could hear it in my voice which I attempted to disguise. 
You're not a terrible person, I'm the same way. One of the things that helped me was that early on in our relationship, I had FH read this article: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/ and then we talked about when I need 'me' time, i'm not rejecting him, I just need to be alone.
I think, if you could arrange with your husband to have some alone time scattered throughout the week, you might not feel the need for so much at once. Try talking to him about it!
My SO does a night rotation every 7 weeks, and I LOVE IT. It gives me some "me time" to just be a homebody, do a deep clean on the house, and catch up on my TV shows since SO doesn't watch TV... O.o
Wow...I'm so glad you understand and can relate! It's just been difficult this month because he's home alone and I'm the one at work and when I get home I just want to decompress for a good hour...alone...or at least, no talking, no phone. But he's home solo and wants constant interaction as soon as I get home.
It's challenging.
I totally get it. I have a really intense need for alone time & personal space. Lucky for me, DH is ok with it & at the moment, healthy & employed.
I think it's healthy to express your feelings, too many care givers deny their true feelings & end up eating themselves from the inside out with anger & resentment.
Maybe you can plan some sort of you time once DH is up & out in the big world again?
I actually feel the same way. My FI is an accountant so I barely see him end of Feb-April 15. Sometimes I'm lonely. But other times I love it. I get to get what I need done. I like being by myself. I completely understand and don't think you're a bitch at all!
I like my solo time, too!!!
I totally, completely, 100% understand. Dh and I are the same way, so it's easy for us to not be offended when the other person needs their me time. It's not personal, it's just who we are
Nope not bitchy!
We are the same way, my husband and I need that time apart & value it! Husband has band practice every Thursday at our house, so I typically go run errands, or spend time with girlfriends. I love Thursdays! ;)
I don't know, I'd wait to see what happens before you get upset that he's there. My husband had a major surgery so he was home for a few months, I don't work so I was just there taking care of him. I thought I'd go crazy, months of him for 24/7. But I loved it, I didn't want him to go back to work!
If you do need some alone time, you could always leave the house. Go see a movie alone, or go to a bookstore or something.
I don't think you are a bitch at all. But, if you start resenting him, then it becomes an issue. I think this is the kind of thing you should be honest about and discuss. Explain to him how much your alone time means to you, and that it has nothing to do with him. When my FH and I first moved in together, I found myself getting angry at him for no reason -- and it turned out it was all about having my own space and time. Now that we have talked about it, he totally respects my time and he even appreciates having some of his own! You are married, not Siamese twins. You still get your own self.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch... please! that's not bitchy at all! :D a girl's got to have her alone time, maybe you can go to the library and either hole up there or grab some books and camp out in a room. if i were the hubs, i wouldn't be offended.
"Me time" is very important to me as well so I completely understand the way you feel. I do think you have to try to keep your disappointment to yourself (I know it is hard!) because you do not want to hurt his feelings. It does not have anything to do with your love for him or him as a person but he may not completely understand that. I do not know your husband obviously so I cannot be sure but if it were my husband I know he would be kind of sad.
AH finally, people I can relate to! I have zero alone time too, except while driving to and from work. I treasure those times when FI goes off on his golf holidays. I miss him while he's gone, but I love to do whatever, whenever! I'm going to have a look at the article that @arclee: posted! FI loves to bug me, especially when I'm reading and always feels the need to be in the same room which sometimes drives me nuts lol. I didn't know how to address it before without hurting his feelings, but maybe I can learn something now!
why dont you send him out to run some errands?? that way hes out of your way for a few hours
I heart my alone time and crave it, the good thing is that I think my fiance does too. We work 4 blocks from each other and start at the same time. He always takes the train and I always walk, we love having some solo time in the morning and after work to transition from work to home.
Some thoughts of how to still get some alone time, can you take off in January? Can you "house sit" for a few hours for a friend who is going out of town for the holiday (water plants, get mail, spend a few hours being alone)? Can you take a long walk, solo? Can you two agree that for a short time (maybe 2 hours) he is in one room doing something quiet (reading, watching TV, catching up on emails) and give you the rest of the house to do as you please (I also hate cleaning with others around)? If he has mobility, can he run some holiday errands?
Lastly, you aren't a bitch, stop thinking of your desire for some alone time as selfish. I am confident that if you explained it to him, he may respond that he already knows this about it.
DUDE. I totally get it. I'm the same way. Much as I love him, I love when he goes away for a weekend so I can sit around, paint my nails, drink champagne, etc.
I have the week between Christmas and NY off. We're heading to San Diego on xmas day to visit with his brother and family. And their parents are flying in from NC too.
Now he says he's going to invite them back to spend a couple of days with us in L.A. after Christmas. Well...he has to work. So what...I'm supposed to entertain them all day? When I was supposed to have the house to myself?!
ARGH!
LOL. I mean, I'll deal with it. He doesn't get to see his parents often. But I am totally bummed so I feel you!
I hope you get a few minutes to yourself!
@stephinPA: I completely understand. That doesn't make you a bitch at all! My fiance was out of work for about 9 months after he graduated and was looking for a "real job". It was probably the hardest 9 months of our ten years together. You should take a day or two to go out and do something by yourself or be honest with him and tell him you haven't had much time to yourself lately and ask if he might be willing to get out of the house for a few hours.
Definitely NOT bitchy!
We both need our alone time every once in awhile. Sometimes I'll go run errands to let him have the house to himself for an hour or so, sometimes he'll do the same for me. I think most people (especially living in a city where you are constantly surrounded by people) need some time to just be by themselves.
@stephinPA - NOT a bitch. In fact, same here. I adore my husband, I really do, but man, when he was out of work for 6months, and I didn't get my 1 hour at home by myself (I got out of work at 4, and his old job released him at 5), I became quite the crankypants. Thankfully he's back to work, and I have my alone time back where I can read and snuggle the kitties, but still, sometimes a girl just needs to decompress without hubs around!
I completely understand! I told my FH that if he were around all the time I would start to resent him. I love him, but everyone needs "me" time! The house gets completely turned upside down and I can't get any housework done when he's home 24/7. I want to spend my life with him, but NOT evey minute of every day. You are not a bitch!
Oh, I'm EXACTLY the same way. Insufficient alone time equals a very cranky lezlers. We all have verying degrees of required alone time and you should never feel bad for needing it. If my FI was home 24/7 I'd get a little crazy, too (I've been known to take a sick day at work JUST so I can spend a day alone.) FI doesn't understand why I'll take vacation days and not go anywhere, since he's working. Because it's my own private vacation, dummy! From you and everyone else!
You're definitely NOT a bitch.
Don't feel bad! Everyone needs some alone time...I'm a hosuewife and when my husband comes home early, I'm happy but bummed that I can't watch a silly movie and veg.
Don't feel bad. I miss my alone time too. I got used to living alone and now it seems like I'm never alone. We even commute most of the way into to work together because it saves money and time. Time because we can use the HOV or carpool lane.
Praise the lord that I'm not alone in this sitch!
Thanks Ladies!
I need this too! Don't worry! Sometimes I just need time to read facebook, blogs, watch trashy tv in my pjs and clean by myself. I can sometimes do it if DH is on the computer for hours but it's not the same.
maybe try seeing if you could get some alone time with him somewhere else. Can he leave the house? is there a part of the house he/you could retreat to for an afternoon?
Everybody needs alone time. That doesn't make you a b*tch, that makes you a self-aware human being!
You are NOT a bad person for wanting alone time. I totally feel the same way. Our firs month of marriage we were inseparable an it felt weird. Slowly though, we are giving each other more "me" time and we are infinitely happier.
aww, girl, my in-laws went through this when my FIL got laid off twenty some-odd years into their relationship. It happens. You're not a bitch at all.
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I can't help the way I feel. I ADORE my husband. Thank god right? Since we're married. I love spending time with him and doing our thing...but I also LOVE and need my alone time.
He's had knee surgery the week of Thanksgiving (work comp) and has been home every since until he got cleared by his doctor since there is no 'light' duty at his work. It's all or nothing. He's been doing work from home and in the process our living space has become quite disheveled and he's always home.
I am the type of person who must have my alone time/space. I treasure my mornings on the weekends because the hubs used to go back to bed after walking dogs and I could sit with my cup of coffee and just 'be'...this hasnt' been happening lately. Hubs now stays up...
I have off from this Friday through the New Year and was VERY much looking forward to having the week to decompress solo while he was at work and then welcome him home each and every night. I was planning on organizing the house and just getting things done on my list. And you're probably saying, "well you can still do those things with hubs home!" Well, it's just not that easy.
He called and told me the doctor cleared him to return to work on Jan. 3rd. So no solo week for me and to be honest, I'm bummed about it. I know, I know, it sounds terrible but I just don't know what to do or say.