- 6 years ago
On of my bridesmaids is in a relationship (well, they both are, but my best friend is in a good relationship). She’s divorced, and hasn’t been in a relationship other than this one since- she hadn’t even been divorced for a week when she started “seeing” him (aka sleeping with him, she was seeing him before she was divorced). Her marriage wasn’t a happy one for the final two years, and I was glad to see that she was making the steps to be happy. Until she met her current boyfriend.
Current boyfriend is still married (separated). Current boyfriend has four children with his wife. His wife is a manipulative piece of sh*t (I’ve met her three times, she’s ridiculous). Current boyfriend has yet to file divorce papers because his wife is stalling it (and once he does file, it’s going to be an ugly, UGLY divorce).
I got engaged in June. It was a total surprise to everyone (even to me). And in July, I started planning. Actively planning- looking at venues, speaking to caterers, going dress shopping. Bridesmaid was involved in this. She went with me to look at dresses, she’s given input on things, etc.
Three weeks ago, we went to see my dress (I needed to make a payment on it), and while we were there, she does the “While we’re here, I wanna try on a dress or two.” And because we were in public, I just smiled and nodded. But when I got home, I looked at FI, and went off.
She hasn’t been with this guy for more than four months. He’s still married. He’s 14 years younger than she is (she’s older than I am, we met through work. She’s one of my dearest friends). He has four children. He has more baggage than anyone I know. They’re each other’s rebound.
Now, my FI has a really good judge for character. Like, really good, he always has. And the moment he met the guy, I could see in his face that something was up. I’ve never been a fan of this guy, even before she was with him (I’d met him a few times prior to them starting their relationship, when he was still happily married to his wife of 8 years). When we got home later that night, FI looked at me and said “You know he’s using her for sex, right? You know he’s an asshole?” I guess the guy told my FI that he was only with my friend because he needed sex and his wife is cutting him off. This was two months ago.
Apparently, he took her to look at rings. And they “set a date” (Two months before my wedding). And now she’s saving for her “dream dress”.
And I just want to shake her. Because she doesn’t see anything bad. She sees happily ever after, which she didn’t have the first time around. When I look at the two of them, I see control. I see him being still married. I see her getting stuck with four children which aren’t hers. I see disaster.
It’s to the point where I want to tell her that I can’t be involved in her wedding planning, and part of me doesn’t want her involved in mine any longer. Because it’s just making me angry. I’m angry that she’s so delusional. I’m angry that she tells me not to do something, and then goes and does it for herself. I’m angry because when he does break her heart (it will happen, I can see it now), I’ll have to pick up the pieces again, just like I did six months ago when she moved out of her house and filed for divorce. She’s such a good person, but she’s so… Blind. So blind when it comes to men.
Sorry for the vent. I’m just upset and frustrated. And I want to scream. She called me and asked me to come tour a venu with her this afternoon. I told her I’d call her back, because I don’t know what to do (and yes, this part is jealousy- she can afford the wedding I want and can’t have because of finances. She wants to tour the venue I fell in love with, and then found out that the wedding would cost $40,000 if we had it there). I’m tempted to call and tell her I’m busy. But she also knows that today FI has to work, and I was planning on relaxing.
What do I do, bees? Do I shove a smile on my face and continue to give support even when I want to scream at her that she’s being a complete idiot? Or do I step up and tell her the truth?