Post # 1
**Something I started pondering while reading through another thread where OP loved her style of ring but wondered why so many Bees have expressed an opposite opinion. Didn’t want to thread-jack. (Side note: OP’s ring is gorgeous; check it out here)**
Why is it that we so often say, “You’re the only one who has to love the ring. You’re the one wearing it!” when a Bee feels self-conscious about the comments of others regarding her ring…
But, if in another thread the OP expresses that she, herself, doesn’t like the ring her FI proposed with, the common response is, “He gave it to you as a symbol of his love. It’s so rude to tell him you dislike it.“
Why do you think these situations – which could seemingly both be responded to with response #1 – are addressed with such different advice?
Is it an issue of perceived gratefulness, or is something else? If the majority of us have agreed that the wearer of the ring’s opinion is the only one that matters, why is there such a disparity? Is it an etiquette issue?
**Note: I am not trying to start a big debate, & I’d prefer we don’t make it one. I am simply wondering if anyone else has noticed this interesting pattern. I’d like to ask that we all refrain from responding with “if it were me” statements i.e. anything about “if I were in that situation, I’d never tell FI. That’s selfish/rude/petty, etc.” in this thread.**
Post # 3
I’ll likely get flamed for this, but I think the first is an easy ay to assuage a poster’s insecurities about a ring. Often a ring that isn’t deemed perfect or highly desirable by the group as a whole.
The second, to me is about bringing someone back to earth and realistic expectations. Or it could be simply reminding the poster that her SO may be hurt if she outright rejects his ring choice.
Post # 5
I get what you’re saying and honestly to me I think it just depends on how the OP comes across. I’m also one who believes that it’s a ring you’re going to wear for the rest of your life…you should love it. That being said if someone posts that they hate their ring, their fiance didn’t spend enough, it’s not big enough..etc that comes across as more then just not happy….but to me, ungrateful. I think people have a hard time sympathizing with someone like that.
Yeah, I just really think it depends on how it comes across. I also think anytime you post on these boards asking for opinions and advice you should be prepared for negative comments….and pretty much expect that it’s going to happen..even though I think some can be downright rude and I think that’s uncalled for.
so, I get what you’re saying…not sure if I answered any questions..
Post # 6
I don’t see any real conflict in what you’ve observed. In one case, the Hive is being supportive of a bee’s choice of an e-ring style that she loves (and to which her fiance does not necessarily object), even if it does not happen to be a very popular choice. In the other scenario, the Hive is addressing cases in which a bee’s fiance has chosen an e-ring style that he desired to give to her but which may not also be a style that the bee would have chosen for herself. In the former, the conflict seems to be between the bee and other people who may not appreciate her personal taste in jewelry. In the latter, the issue is whether or not a bee’s FI, as the giver of the gift, should be able to select the ring without the bee’s input, or have input himself into the style of the ring.
Post # 8
@megan331979: I definitely agree, particularly with the ‘ungrateful’ point you made. I do think it makes a big difference whether the OP’s post comes across as entitled or rude.
@Brielle: I guess I don’t necessarily see ‘conflict’ in it, per se. I think I mainly just wonder if anyone else had considered the double-standard with the whole, “it’s your ring, so you have to love it” concept. I generally apply that concept to all situations, whether the bride chose her own ring or otherwise.
@sostobe: I definitely see what you’re saying! But as far as reminding the OP that her FI might have his feelings hurt, I think she generally knows this/does not need random Bee’s to remind her. It’s sort of common sense, in my opinion. I think it comes down to weighing the potential disappointment of the FI versus the dissapointment of the OP, who will live the rest of her life with a ring she not only does not like, but one that she was dishonest with her SO about.
Post # 9
P.s. Sorry for the late reply, ladies. School & work are as overwhelming as ever — and (unfortunately) higher on the to-do list than WeddingBee lol