Post # 1
We only have 1.5 months til wedding, and I feel like I’m in trouble. Been together for nearly 10 years, moved across the country twice with him, watched him get his physical therapy degree and thought things will turn out ok. I knew his debt was high for that degree (was initially told $250k) but 4 months into the engagement, was told $300k. Today I was told $350k. Initially we agreed I would pay all living expenses after my degree and license in two years, but I learned today it isn’t enough. He expects weekly help with his debt. And to top it off, he wants children. He told me before we will see how we feel about it in 5 years, but has been more aggressive about wanting children without a financial plan in place to accommodate them. I put it into consideration and realized it’s mathematically impossible for me to handle it all.
The wedding’s been nearly paid off, guests have their flights booked, and I’m wondering if it’s too late. We still deeply love each other…I just wished I was equipped with this info beforehand.
Post # 2
Uh, stop the wedding. You do not have to get married. Who cares if people have bought plan tickets. Do not marry him until you have ALL the facts and a real plan. Or do not marry him at all.
Post # 3
That’s a lot of debt. Like holy shit, no degree is worth that amount of money. And then he lied about it – that’s a HUGE lie! Are you sure he’s telling the truth now? Do you know for sure that it’s $350K, are you certain all that debt is from the program?
It’s never too late to call off a wedding. Better to call off a wedding than to add the expenses of a divorce to everything you’ve already spent.
Post # 4
This is bad!!!! should have thought it through that is a lot of money! Maybe try talking it with someone close? really talk it out before is too late!! 🙂
Post # 5
It’s better to call off a wedding then inherit his debt. He is obviously bad with money and expect you to dig him out. Who says he’s going to manage his money better in the future? Especially if he’s thinking about having kids with that kind of debt.
Post # 6
Have you shown him the math on paper?
I cringed when I read that you were expected to help weekly–why is this an expectation?
Time for the tough talk–asap. And ask to see evidence of all of his debt, not just the student loan debt. You deserve to know what you are getting into….the lie is concerning.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
This is past the talking stage for me. There’s no way I’m taking on that massive amount of debt plus having to pay all the expenses for a couple years and giving him weekly financial assistance on top of it. F that noise. Listen I get being in love and all of that but this is some bullsh*t. Canceling a wedding is far cheaper than divorce. His expectations are ridiculous. At the very least postpone this trainwreck. PLEASE. Offer to pay everyones flight expenses if possible but do not go through with this in the next couple months.
Post # 8
If you’re thinking about divorce before you’re even married, put the wedding on hold at the very least. Go to counselling and decide if you even want to marry this person anymore. Then either go forward with it or cancel for good.
Post # 9
Holy crap. I’d call off the wedding. Even though the wedding is nearly paid for, if you marry this man you will be tied up in (your own student debt?) as well as the whopping $350k of your husbands debt! WHICH HE LIED ABOUT. Also, do YOU want children? Or are you on the fence? It sounds like he’s trying to persuade you into having children which you’re not even 100% sure on.
Post # 10
Do not get married. Divorcing him will be way too expensive.
Post # 11
Like honestly, this sounds like a trap.
Post # 12
If you’re going to pay living expenses plus his debt, what exactly is his financial contribution to your marriage going to be?
Post # 13
Having a wedding paid off is not the reason to have it. If you’re having doubts, please please think about it. Also $350k is a lot for a degree that isn’t a Medical Degree. That’s the only degree I know of that’s that high and even then it’s about $100k too high without a surgery specialty. For physical therapy? $100k max unless he went private and took forever with no financial aid.
In short I think he’s lying about the extent of the debt. You have every right at this point to ask for the paperwork to back this up. Loan docs from the school. Even s full credit report at this time. This is huge and the debt becomes yours when you get married and you don’t want that. Plus that debt is waaaayyy more than a wedding cost. You could pay for the wedding and everyone’s flights that got one and its still cheaper than this debt.
I am also leery of him asking for so much help. I have debt myself and I am doing what I can to get out of it and paid off while not using me and my husband’s savings. The fact that he isn’t taking ownership of it is scary. It’s scary to look at the statements once you realize you’re in trouble. It was scary for me, but you know what? I did it. I took on the debt, I signed the paperwork and it’s mine to deal with. So I took it on head on. That’s the only way to deal with it.
He might also need to talk to a bankruptcy attorney to see what his options are. I don’t know a physical therapist that makes duo much money that they can pay off $350k of student loan debt. I mean that’s a freaking house.
Post # 14
He expects weekly help with HIS debt! No way! You are lucky to be finding this out before the wedding, no matter how soon it is…
Post # 15
So he has at least $100k more debt than he let on before the engagement??? I would demand to see his Sallie Mae accounts or whatever because this guy has a history of reeling you in (i.e. engagement) and then dropping a bomb afterward. God forbid he pulls this stunt again after you said “I do” and you find out the debt is even higher.
To me the fact that he hid the truth from you is a much bigger red flag than the debt itself (which is also, obviously, sickeningly high). You are about to marry a repeat liar. I would postpone at the bare minimum bee.