- 1 year ago
I made a post about a year and a half ago, (you can read it in my history) and then dropped off the face of the planet. I’m still getting follow up concern messages occasionally and so I thought you all deserved an update. I also wanted to thank you all for your support. I read every comment and message, even though I couldn’t bring myself to reply. Additionally, I want anyone else in a similar situation to hear how it worked out for me.
On my drive back to our shared home, I called DCS and our police department to make a report. Because it was after hours, they said they’d have a detective come interview me asap, but that it could be the next day. It ended up being at 3am. Following that interview I packed a bag of essential documents and prized possessions and left in the middle of the night and drove until morning. I didn’t have anywhere to go, because I hadn’t told anyone who lived near us, so I just went to work, like normal. My boss could tell things were anything but normal so after we talked about it she gave me the key to her house and had her sister meet me there while we figured out a plan.
The next day I met with the Dean of Students at our university, because his job at the school was working with children, and told her the whole story. She immediately had me move into the safe house the school kept for emergencies and I lived there until I graduated.
The police and DCS decided that they couldn’t do anything, because I had no proof, so they couldn’t get a warrant. I still beat myself up over that. If I would have known to take his phone or record our conversation or SOMETHING then he wouldn’t still be out there harming children. But, instead, he’s a free man. The police did say they would forward the info to the FBI, so I guess that’s something. His job also launched a full investigation after the fired him but found nothing.
I told my closest friends at school the whole story and they took amazing care of me. I was so afraid of retaliation and they made sure I was never walking alone anywhere and spend most nights with me. They made sure I was going to class and eating and they are the only reason I survived those months and graduated.
I paid rent on our home through the end of our lease, simply so I wouldn’t have to see him or talk to him about breaking it. In retrospect, I wouldn’t do that again.
Also, a month after everything went down, I got an alert from my bank that I’d overdrawn my account. It was empty. I have no proof that it was him, but I didn’t make the massive withdrals and he knew my passwords, which in the mess of everything, I hadn’t thought to change. So I filed a claim with the bank and cancelled all my credit cards. The money was reinstated three months later but the bank didn’t investigate because it wasn’t more than 10 grand. Luckily, I hadn’t deposited my most recent checks and my family loaned me some money to make it through.
I still moved to the city his parents lived in to take the job I was offered following graduation, primarily because moving home felt like letting him win and I hadn’t had the emotional energy to apply elsewhere. He moved here too. I’ve seen him once, but he didn’t see me. I’m very careful and still pretty paranoid.
I also met someome. It happened pretty quickly, but we’ve been together a year now and live together. I would rot in hell if I tried to claim anything about loving or trusting again was easy. I also deeply believe that you either try again or you choose to wallow in suffering. He is amazing. I told him the story on the first date (so he’d know to run away) and he didn’t. He has been so patient and gentle and loving. He pushed me into the therapy I now realize I desperately needed. He manages my PTSD amazingly well. He helps me to see when I’m projecting things on him while not being scared off by my sheer terror of loving him sometimes. He gets out of bed sometimes ten times a night to check the doors and windows when I keep waking up in a panic. He got me a dog to help manage the anxiety and has taught him pressure therapy. I could go on forever. I am so deeply loved and blessed. He is a godsend.
My job and the new friends I’ve made here have also been wonderful. When I moved here I so desperately needed a support system and people have come out of the woodwork when they hear the story. I’ve also lost some friends. Some people didn’t know what to do or how to handle hearing this type of thing and that’s okay. It’s something none of us want to think about.
By far, the most difficult thing has been managing the fear and distrust I feel of everyone. I think everyone is a pedophile now, including the people I love most. It’s a constant process to try to manage and correct those feelings and learn how to trust anyone again.
If I could tell myself, or someone like me who just found out something like this, one thing, it would be that life gets better and goes on. You are so much stronger and more resilient than you could ever dream. Life might not get easier, but it seems to get a little more managable every day and you will learn how to cope. You will love again. You will trust again. You’re going to need a sh*t ton of therapy, but you will be okay. Especially if you’re honest with yourself and others about the situation. There’s no fixing or changing the person, there’s only getting out and getting free.
I’m sorry this is so long. Y’all can ask any questions you have about anything. I’m an open book about all of this. Finally, thank you all so, so much for all the comments and messages of support I’ve received over the last year and a half. It helped me to feel a little less alone.