(Closed) +1 for Mistress?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who should be invited to attend?
    Bob only : (11 votes)
    9 %
    Bob and Wife (seated separately) : (65 votes)
    52 %
    Bob, Wife and Mistress (Wife seated separately) : (4 votes)
    3 %
    Bob and Mistress : (2 votes)
    2 %
    None of them : (11 votes)
    9 %
    Wife only : (33 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 3
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Personally, I would just invite the wife, and exclude the other two completely. I would call Bob back and let him know that if he can’t come with his wife, you are sorry, but under the circumstances, he shouldn’t be there at all, unless he is there with his wife.

    Post # 4
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Is Bobs Wife still coming? If she isn’t, then I would let him bring his ladyfriend. They’ve been dating 2 years, that seems long enough for serious. As for the “not invite a woman who entered a marriage” thing, I wouldn’t go there. Bob played a part in that as well, for one, and for two, I doubt you know every secret of every couple who is going to be at your wedding, so it shouldn’t be a factor.

    Post # 5
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    How awkward! Sounds like Carol is now a girlfriend, though…they do live together. I would just let it slide, not say anything, and be pleasant.

    Who knows, maybe Bob will marry Carol. *shrug*

    Post # 6
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    totally inappropriate! i would tell him his mistress is NOT welcome, and if he has a problem with that he doesn’t need to come either.

    Post # 7
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @kitzy:  This.

    (I might also call his wife and make it clear that, while you understand if she can’t come, or doesn’t want to if her soon to be ex will be in attendance, that she’s more than welcome and in your thoughts right now.)

    Post # 8
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It kind of seems like bad juju to invite a mistress. I didn’t invite someone because of that. I would just tell Bob that you would love to still have him, but you have a list of people you’d like to be able to attend so he can’t bring Carol. Or, even better, tell him you’re inviting his wife and he can’t bring her.

    Post # 9
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @teaadntoast: I agree with this.

    No mistress. If no mistress means no Bob, then no Bob. And call wife (not about mistress but about attending your wedding). 

    Post # 10
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    WOW! I would just not have either come.  I would not want the mistress at my event even if she is now his girlfriend.  As for the wife, I would think she might just not want to come but to be same just save the money .

    Post # 11
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I posted this in the other thread:

    I would do exactly what you are doing – invite the wife and Bob and seat them apart.  Awkward situation all around, but there is no way some mistress is going to be coming to my wedding.  If it was many years down the road and Bob and his wife were divorced and he was with or married to Carol at that time, then maybe, but certainly not at this point in time.

    Post # 12
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @teaadntoast: I so agree. I would not knowingly let two people who clearly have no respect for their own marriage (Bob) to come to mine. Hell to the no.

    Post # 13
    769 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Oh wow.  Well, I’d probably invite both Bob and wife.  Tell Bob that Carol can’t come, which will hopefully mean that he won’t attend himself.

    Post # 14
    3364 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I would invite the wife and her kids before that D-Bag and his “lover-friend”

    Post # 15
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    How can it be that I have almost the same situation?  Except in my case all 3 live together.  Family ((shrugs shoulders)).  It’s my FI’s side so it was for him to choose.  He invited his uncle and aunt but not the mistress.  He reasoned he knows the uncle and aunt but not the mistress and there are other people he wants to invite other than the mistress.  He understands that his uncle might not come but that is completely fine.

    I’m with you in this case.  Bob and wife but not mistress.  How did he get the invite if he’s moved out?  He took it with him 6 weeks ago?

    Post # 16
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Definitely invite the wife.  Although she isn’t a blood relative she is still part of the family, especially since she wants to be included to events (such as girl’s night outs), even though Bob isn’t interested in those things.  Invite Bob, but tell him he can’t bring his mistress.  Just having her there would probably cause drama and gossip on your big day, which is the last thing you need people worrying about.  If both husband and wife go you will also have to deal with figuring out where to separately seat them, which will also lead to whispering gossip.

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