(Closed) 1 house, 5 INVITES?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we send invites per guest or per household?
    PER GUEST It doesn't matter how many adult children are under one roof, what Miss Manners says, goes : (7 votes)
    12 %
    PER HOUSE That's a silly outdated custom, save the money, list all names on one invite : (47 votes)
    78 %
    OTHER Explained below : (6 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you are really looking to cut down your costs on invites, I think you could shift your age a little bit and say “If you are still in college (undergrad), you get invited with your parents”.  But after I graduated college, I’d be a little peeved to not get my own invite, even if I was still living at home.

    EDIT – note, I wouldn’t not attend or anything drastic like that if I didn’t get a seperate invite.  I just think its a respect thing.  They are grown adults even if they are still living at home (for whatever reason) and inviting them with their parents treats those grown adults like little kids.  Kinda rude IMO.

    Post # 4
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I’d say it depends how old the ‘children’ are. If they are still teens (even 18 or 19) I’d keep it under “mr. and mr. x and family.” If they are older, like in their twenties I’d give them separate invites. I’ve had invites both ways. Some people will get offended and not attend. I don’t mind, especially if it’s family or my parent’s friend’s kids.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Mrs.KMM: Not for nothing, if I graduated from college and was still living at home I would have a lot more to worry about than getting an invite not specifically addressed to me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It would’ve been weird to me to get a separate invite to a wedding when I was living with my parents.  I would write “The Name Family”, and specify the number of people invited on the invite.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I had this same problem, although I hadn’t done the math correctly and didn’t order ENOUGH invitations. So what I did was if the adult children were NOT being invited with a plus-one, I just sent 1 invitation to the house for the X Family. But if the children were being invited with a plus-one (like my same age cousin who was only living at home for 3 months while her house was being built) then they got their own invitation.

    I probably saved about 6 invitations by doing it this way and no one was outwardly mad about it. I also only sent one STD per household to be green which makes sense because they were magnets, so only 1 fridge per house!

    Post # 8
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I say set up another rule because 116 less invites is just crazy so I think you have a point there.  It would also depend on how much they were each.

    Post # 9
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I had this happen with a few invites. I had a cousin with small kids who has temporarily moved back in with her parents. I sent 2 invites. But, if they were single and living at home I just sent one.

    Post # 10
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We sent them to the [name] family.  If people had an issue with it, I didn’t hear about it.  I was included in my parents’ “and family” invitations even when I was not living at home and engaged.  I never had a problem with it.

    It might be cultural though because when we were getting names for the invitations for the reception I couldn’t get more than one person’s name for each family unit sometimes, so they were addressed to [person’s name] and family.  And even though we asked people to list the names of all guests, we got plenty of response cards back like that also.

    Personally I wouldn’t care if I got a family invite and were living in the same house as my family.  I asked some “adult” children even not living at home for addresses to send them separate invites and they told me to just include them with their parents. I guess it’s obvious that I voted “per house”!

    Post # 12
    Member
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    This may be a compromise.  Why not decorate a white large envelope to put all of the invitations in and address it to the so-and-so family, but handwrite each person’s name on the individual invites envelopes.  The postage cost may be cut in half this way.

    Post # 13
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I’d say that some should get them, but I understand others should not. I think a lot of it should play a part on how independent they are.

    For example, are some of them college students who may be away at school? Get their school address – college kids LOVE getting mail. Do they have full time jobs/help pay for rent? Give them their own. Do they have kids? Give them their own. Now, Joe Schmoe who just sits at home and plays xbox all day? Heee can go with parents.

    Post # 15
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think if you are inviting them with a date then they should get their own invitation.  I don’t know how you would address an invitation to parents and their children plus the children’s dates all on one invitation.

    I tried to do separate invitations for grown children living with their parents, but I ended up regretting it.  Most of them didn’t send back their reply cards OR their parents put the kids names on their reply card.

    Post # 16
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee

    That’s insane!!! I would def. send out one invite per household. 5 per home is just craziness in my opinion… :/. 

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