(Closed) +1 mini comment

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mspartridge:  I’m not really sure why this is bothering you.  If he’s bringing one other person and you have room and are ok with it, why does it matter what the relationship between him and his +1 is?  Are you feeling that might turn down his request depending who the +1 is?

Post # 4
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee

talk about being vague. I cannot stand not knowing details. I understand why you are slightly annoyed. 

Post # 5
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs McCain 2012:   That’s so funny to me!  I don’t think I’d be bothered at all, maybe a little curious.  The only thing is if they have room for another guest or not, though.  An extra person is an added expense so I can see how that would make a difference.

Post # 6
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee

Sunfire yeah, i guess I am a little more curious and and anal about our guest list because its  an destination wedding thats super intimate and exclusive… I am not paying for a 2 week girlfriend. If I was having a local wedding, it would be come one or come all!

Post # 7
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs McCain 2012:   In your case, that’s completely understandable.  I hope OP provides more details about hers, lol.

Post # 8
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can see being bothered by not knowing who the +1 is. 

It’s appropriate to expect that your wife/FI/co-habitating SO is invited when you receive an invitation to a wedding.  It’s really kind of forward to ask “Hey, can I bring my flavor of the week?”  or “My Great-Aunt Edna loves weddings, can she come with me?  You’ve never met her, but she doesn’t talk much since she refuses to get a hearing aid, and conversations are tough since she has no idea what anyone says to her.”

However, unless you want to go back to the long-lost friend and say “I’m sorry we haven’t kept in touch, and I don’t know if you’re married; but the answer to your question about bringing a date depends on who the date is….” I don’t think you have much of an option.  If you’re at capacity and/or budgetary limits you could go fishing for information (facebook, friends of friends) – but even if the buddy is single, if your Fiance hasn’t been in good contact with him in the last 8 years, there’s a good chance that the friend won’t know many of the wedding guests.  Extending him the +1 will likely make him more comfortable.

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sunfire:  I’m wondering if the okay is dependent on the type of relationship. If a guest called and asked about a +1 for their sister/aunt/mother, the answer is no. If it’s their wife or long-term girlfriend, then yeah, probably.

Post # 10
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@vorpalette:  Exactly. If you set up your guest list so all +1s are spouse/engaged/long term dating, it would be weird to have this one person bring their 2 week girlfriend or brother you don’t know. Then again, maybe if he won’t know anyone at all there, the +1 may be a nice gesture.

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s stranger to invite someone you havent spoken to in 8 years?

Post # 13
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mspartridge:   I’m really more bugged with fiance for not finding out whether some of his friends have partners or not.  I wish he’d find out so the invitation can be properly extended to them.  I prefer not inviting any 2-week girlfriends and whatnot.  That sounds terrible of me, but we do have a real space limitation [ . . . ]

I totally get where you’re coming from, and 100% agree. When we were making our guest list, I asked Fiance to just name off people he wanted to invite, and then I’d have to ask, “Is so-and-so dating anyone? How long?” We don’t have space limitations, but we’re limited on money, so we really can’t add more people/add +1s.

Post # 14
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bostongrl25:  That was my thought.

Maybe the guy feels weird coming alone to a wedding of a man he hasn’t seen in 8 years.  He may just want some familiar company.

I can understand being frustrated with your Fiance about not getting all the information prior to sending out the invites.  I can relate to that, because my Fiance is famous for those types of things.

Post # 16
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mspartridge:   Under the circumstances I can see why it’s bugging you and you need to know.  It amazes me sometimes that people just don’t get how expensive even adding one more person can be.  And if they don’t show up after RSVPing that they would, that is just so unbelievably rude and even worse, imo. 

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