(Closed) 1 month before I get married and im stressed with one of my bridesmaids.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@fredericksondes:  SOrry she’s stressing you out. I don’t know why people worry so much about the color of the dress. It’s one day and everyone is going to be looking at the bride anyway, so who cares what you have to wear? So dumb. 

But… I think you might be reading too much into some of her comments. Just for the sake of it, let me play Devil’s Advocate a little bit. 

  1. I honestly wouldn’t know what color shoes you would want with a gold dress either. White? Nude? Honestly, black wouldn’t even cross my mind as an option. 
  2. What did the text actually say? Did she say “What time do we need to be there?” because I would assume “we” meant the bridesmaids, not the guests. You responded with what time the guests should arrive, so she got confused. 
  3. How long did she not respond? If I have to give money to someone I don’t know well but am, say, waiting for pay day, I might not feel like giving her all the information on why I’m currently broke and just put it off until I can actually say “Ok, sending it tomorrow” or whatever. 
  4. Ok, she probably should have realized she had to do the rehearsal the day before, but if your wedding date is correct on your profile she’s already taking off a Friday for it and maybe hoped you would have the rehearsal in the evening on Thursday so she didn’t have to take off another day. That’s a lot of time off for someone else’s in-town wedding. 

If I were you I would try to shrug it off and definitely not bend over backwards for HER wedding. 

Post # 4
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’d ask if her if something is bothering her because you feel like something is. And see if she’ll confess anything. And apologize for the possibility of maybe stressing her out, or putting too much pressure on her. Try to talk to her in a way where she can’t get defensive.

Post # 7
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

TBH she doesn’t sound that bad.

1. I don’t know that it’s necessarily snarky of her to ask that. Maybe you just took it the wrong way.

2. Did you tell her what time she needed to be there? Or just guests? She may have honestly been confused about what time she needed to be there. Some people don’t do any pictures before the ceremony.

3. She should have answered. Maybe she just doesn’t have the money and is embarrassed?

4. I would be upset too. If I’m already taking one day off of work I don’t want to take another day. 4pm is a little early- maybe you can push it back?

I think you just need to look at it from her perspective. It’s super hard to tell the tone from a text message. An innocent message may sound snarky if you read it the wrong way. So yes, I think you are being hypersensitive.

Post # 8
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


@fredericksondes:  I agree with every point made by the first responder. I think you have to own part of this by answering her query about the arrival time in a  very confusing manner and by not letting them know well before now that the rehearsal would be at 4pm.

Perhaps you could respond by telling her that you don’t want her to take any more time off work, and just show up for the rehearsal dinner. The Maid/Matron of Honor can fill her in- it’s not rocket science.

Post # 9
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am sooo sorry you are going thru this (( HUGS ))

Infact I am sorry that sooo many Brides (and in some cases Bridemaids) go thru such horrible experiences

I blame this on Modern Etiquettte…

Traditional Etiquette was really really clear on the ROLE of the Couple and that of the Bridal Party…

Things now are so wishy-washy that I don’t thing either side any longer has a clue of what is “considerate” in regards to Wedding behaviour

Brides feel let down / disappointed cause of their expectations

And Bridemaids are a real mess cause they can’t figure out what they are supposed to do… as no one tells them any more

Once upon a time, all this was very well laid out… and for example in regards to costs things were way more 50/50 and fair for both parties

These days the Bridal Party most definitely carries the bigger load under Modern Etiquette and I don’t feel that is fair at all.

As I say, I am sorry you are facing this one month out…

But for any Brides-2B reading this… I suggest that you take a look at Traditional Etiquette Rules, and divide things closer to those lines… and DEFINITELY talk to your possible Bridal Party early on in regards to Expectations… Roles & Expenses.

Communication is key… the more info that is given upfront the less DRAMA I would think during the process… and most importantly as the days on the calendar wind down.


Post # 13
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@fredericksondes:  I totally don’t blame you for how you feel.

I would feel exactly the same way you do- in fact I DO.

One of my bridesmaids was newly pregnant when I asked her to be my BM- I she didn’t know when I asked her but found out two days later.  She has 20 month old and work full time- and she had very bad morning sickness/nausea until very recently.  She was a pain in my thigh because I pretty much had to beg her to take care of her dress.  I was very understanding of her being pregnant, and she had every oppotunity to back out if she wanted to-   that was really frustrating.  I feel like I had to chase her down.


Even now- she’s feeling better, but has been busy with work- so I have to go out of my way to pick her dress up from the dress shop because it’s been there too long the way it is.


My FI’s sister’s (both BMs) have been OK- one just had a baby a week ago and we obviously knew that- but wanted her to be in the wedding and she wanted to be.  I haven’t asked anything of her, but she almost didn’t come to my shower.  I wouldn’t have minded, but she didn’t even contact me personally- just my sister, and because she’s my Bridesmaid or Best Man, I was a little offended.  FI said I shouldn’t be offended- she intends  no harm, which I believe, but that wasn’t the point.

And my own sister- well I don’t even know where to start.  She threw a stink from day one because out original wedding day was the day she returned from her 2-years-later honeymoon (ummmmm seriously?!?!)  – we didn’t know obvioulsy when we chose the date- but she AND her husband acted like a child because of it- and him and I are STILL not speaking because of it.  In the meantime, my sister and I have repaired our relationship to a degree, but she’s a diva.  She doesn’t return phone calls for days- and when I called her out on it (nicely)- she said “I know you’d like opinions, but I didn’t even have this much say in my OWN wedding.”



I wanted to vomit when I read that.  Nice Maid/Matron of Honor, huh?


I have asked NOTHING from my bridal party (except that they chose a dress)- and at the same time, none have them offered to help with anything.  Not one of them.  But when my sister says stuff like that?  I feel like she makes me out to be a bridezilla when I am the opposite.  I asked her WHY, if she doesn’t find me inportant enough to return a phone call within 24 hours (works part time/no kids)- she even wants to be in my wedding :/


I’m really sorry- it sucks your cousin is acting like this.  


It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong on your part.  Some people are just asshats.


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