(Closed) +1 Not invited

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Our Church

Everyone who is married (even if you don’t know their spouse)
Couples who are engaged
Couples who are living together
Guests who have had a steady significant other for so long that it would seem awkward not to include their partners.

Thats what I found. Also, I just wanted to add that I had plus ones and a lot people took that to mean plus 2’s. >>

Post # 77
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Canaan Valley Resort, WV

I did not mind when I went to a wedding and didn’t get a +1 when I was single.  I actually met my Fiance at a wedding 🙂 I didn’t mind until we were living together.  But please please please let your party bring a +1 if they’re dating someone.  I was in a wedding that didn’t happen and was not allowed to bring my now fiance when we were at the 6 month part, we would’ve been together over a year at that point when it was supposed to happen.  She told me it was money but it was more she didn’t think we were going to be together at that point and guess what 3 years later we are and are getting married and she didn’t marry the guy.

Post # 78
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Guest list is too big. They can’t all be your ‘closest family and friends’. I am South Asian and so I know very well how big families get. Still there’s no reason to have everyone show up who wouldn’t give 2 hoots abt you later in life. Only invite the ppl you know you can count on to take you and your DH in should the need ever arise and help you back on your feet. Then dignify them with a +1.

Post # 79
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
MissAmericanPie:  I have an honest question for you. You said: “it drives me nuts thinking i should be inviting someone’s significant other that i’ve never met just because it’s what might be expected by them, rather than say, a coworker or other friend we really want to celebrate with and can’t afford to invite. i figure if we were close enough i would know their other half!

What would you do in this hypothetical situation:

You have a cousin you really love and are close to, but that cousin goes to school overseas. She’s been dating her boyfriend for two years, but because she lives overseas you haven’t had the opportunity to meet him. They’ve been dating two years and are in a serious, committed relationship, though they aren’t engaged (yet). Would you invite him? 

On the one hand: the cousin and her boyfriend are in a serious, committed relationship which is leading to marriage, and they would be considered a “social unit” amongst their friends locally, and probably within her immediate family.

On the other hand: circumstances have prevented you from meeting the boyfriend, so this would amount to you allowing your not-yet-engaged cousin to bring her boyfriend, whom you have never met.

I’m genuinely curious to hear how you would handle the situation (no snark!).


Post # 80
660 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Soon2bmrs1:  i wouldn’t have met them in person, but if they were dating someone i was really close to, i would assume i would know enough about their partner to feel like i knew them.

my situation is more i have family members who i haven’t seen in years, but want to invite to the wedding. i only knew they were dating someone because of a third party (aunt tells mom cousin is dating someone). i didn’t even know they were dating anyone because we don’t talk regularly. but i’ve already been asked if they can bring their boyfriend/girlfriend.

or, a cousin who i thought was dating one person (who i met at family events) and when asked his name for the invitation, i got “we aren’t dating anymore, you can just put ‘and guest'”.

since i would be really close with this hypothetical cousin, and know more about him than the partners of my real life fam, i would think her boyfriend would be invited

Post # 81
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
mrsstewietobe:  I’m having a +1 free wedding, to an extent… Not a lot of our close friends are in relationships at all, but thankfully the three or four that are in relationships are in serious ones. We’re talking 3+ years together. One of my fiance’s cousins just started dating someone & my Future Mother-In-Law saw that this cousin did not have a “+ guest” under his name. I told her I don’t know his gf & I don’t care to spend the $ since they JUST started dating a few months ago. She offered to axe off 2 people on her list just so our cousin could bring this chick. I was like… uh… OKAY I’LL DO IT.

Sounds like you guys have not yet sent out invitations. What I am doing is customizing the RSVP card so it says “We have ___ seats reserved for you” & then under that I will write in the names of the people to prevent confusion. 🙂

Oh & people who live out of state & out of country are getting +1s.

Post # 82
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
mrsstewietobe:  I don’t think everyone deserves a plus 1.. it is your wedding day and an exorbitant amount of money is being spent to feed and entertain people, I wouldn’t want to share my special day with people I’ve never met before, but then again, I am opting for city hall to avoid the whole plus 1 etc drama. lol! Do what you want, it is your day (and your husbands)! I always thought it would be weird to meet someone new attending “my” wedding. 

Post # 83
155 posts
Blushing bee

Are you close with all of your cousins? Second cousins? No second cousins are receiving invitations to my wedding. I never see them. They were invited to my mom’s wedding because they are her cousins, but not mine.

Post # 84
350 posts
Helper bee

If they have been in a relationship for a while. Invite them. What if they don’t want to get married? Things like that are sticky…

I say go with a different venue you can afford with the , +1s. You want your guests to have a great time and if you didn’t invite their long time bf or gf… I think they would feel unthought of and not included into the family even after so long of dating. If they haven’t been dating for a while and the relationship is still new then I believe it’s more acceptable to not have a plus one for those cases.

But also remember… you can have a b list after you have some declines in the rsvps 

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