(Closed) +1 on Save the dates?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have read that technically, you aren’t supposed to write “and guest” on the STDs.  That is for the invitation only.

However, I don’t see a problem with it, especially in a situation like yours.

Post # 4
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Maybe you aren’t “technically” supposed to, but I still did include “and guest” when I wasn’t able to pin down the exact guest’s name. I preferred to break the rules a bit in order to make things easier on my guests so they wouldn’t have to wonder whether they got a guest or not.

Post # 5
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I think that leaving out “and guest” on the save the dates is because they are sent out months in advance and you may not be sure if you can financially accommodate each guest bringing an extra guest. Leaving it off ensures you aren’t promising something you may not be able to carry out.

That said, if you know all those details already, there is no harm in addressing them as such!

Post # 6
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wrote “and guest” on my STDs for those that were getting a +1 or if I didn’t know the name of their SO (which I will find out for the invites).  I wasn’t going to, but my Bridesmaid or Best Man pointed out that people will want to know if they can bring a guest so they can plan accordingly.  This was mostly for out of town guests who would need to buy plane tickets, make hotel arrangements, etc. and would want to do so several months before the wedding and before invites gone out. 

Post # 7
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think “and guest” is only for invitations.  I’m having a semi-destination wedding too and I only wrote the name of the person I know on the STD.  However, with un-married couples, I wrote John Smith and Jane Doe.

If someone really wants to know if their BF who doesn’t live with them can come, they can ask.

Post # 8
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We’re sending and addressing the STDs to the person we’re directly inviting and not their guest. Unless the couple is living together, in which case both people will be addressed. If not, then they’re only addressed directly to the person we’re directly friends with. The +1 is for the RSVP within the invitation.

Post # 9
2193 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@BetterSherm:  I agree.  Couples could break up before your wedding arrives.  No need to put “and guest” on until the wedding invitations are sent out.  Plus if you are cramped for space you can simply eliminate the guests and you won’t look bad since you never gave it to them in the first place!

Post # 10
478 posts
Helper bee

i had 2 lines on my rsvp card for names.

Post # 11
3336 posts
Sugar bee

STDs are meant only for those people that you absolutely cannot get married without.  Those that are most important to you.

That said, if you don’t know their name I can’t imagine you care one way or the other if they are there.  So no I would not put +1.

(Tehcnically, you never put and guest or plus one, and address each person by name).


Post # 13
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I put +1’s on the invites too so that those people would know they could bring someone (and to make it clear to those who didn’t get a +1). 

Post # 15
4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We didn’t write “and Guest” on the STDs.  Just the invitations.

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