(Closed) +1 requests, is this bitchy?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Why weren’t they given plus ones in the first place?  Was this explained to them?  It’s pretty standard to have a plus one, so they probably don’t think that they’re being rude.

Post # 18
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Christy42213:  +1….haha, no pun intended! I can’t imagine inviting people to my wedding without a +1, I’d feel like I were being rude.

Post # 21
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Do they have significant others of any kind?

if they are traveling i wouldn’t want to travel alone to go. Expect some No’s.

Post # 22
Member
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@CakeyP:  +1

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@nyCheesecake: +1

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@Christy42213: +1

I think this (CakeyP’s) response is good, but I also think it’s a little rude to expect guests who are traveling to your wedding to do so alone.  Since you have space constraints, it’s understandable, but there seems to be a bit of an etiquette breach on both ends here.

Post # 25
Member
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s your wedding, so obviously you get to choose the +1 parameters.  I was just saying that inviting guests to travel alone (regardless of their relationship status) seems, in my opinion, equally as rude as them asking for a +1.  The articles you reference aren’t taking into account that these are guests coming from afar.

I definitely wouldn’t want to travel to a wedding on my own, and would probably decline (which you’ve said is OK with you, so it works out!).  Traveling alone is not something I enjoy, and I think that’s true for a lot of people.

Now, if these were all in town guests, I would agree with you that they are either being rude or are ignorant of proper etiquette.

Post # 26
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

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@Toeternityandbeyond:  Not to be rude, but did you read the article you linked?  It explicitly says, “Beware, many unmarried people find it tremendously upsetting to not be allowed to bring a date. Prepare them for the idea and pay careful attention to where the singletons sit during dinner.”

In the end, it doesn’t matter what any one article on the Internet says.  It matters how your guests feel.  A long long time ago, I read an article that said you should make all wedding decisions with your guests in mind.  I’ve subscribed to that principle because after all, your guests are your closest friends and family.  Don’t you love these people?  Don’t you want them to have a good time and celebrate your special day with you?

Post # 28
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

They should  be given a +1, especially if they are traveling to celebrate with you.

Post # 30
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well….We decided we would absolutely have the +1’s first and foremost…The budget seemed fine. in fact we were worried we wouldn’t hit our minimum at one point since I have a lot of distant relatives that i didn’t think would make the trip in, but who knows.

Now i am fearing I may have went overboard on sending invitations out, but it’s more of a space issue, than a budget issue.

Post # 31
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Toeternityandbeyond:  We didn’t actually set an exact budget-not because we wanna blow tons of money (and we certainly can’t afford to), but because we will make it work somehow. We have a rough estimate of what we’ll be spending on our venue, but that will change up until the final weeks depending on how many RSVP yes. My parents are also helping out (we don’t know exact dollar amounts yet). We have to guarantee 125 people, and we never even considered inviting people without a plus 1, my parents and FI’s parents would be embarrassed. I’ve never been invited to a wedding without my Fiance, and the same goes for him. I’d rather cut the budget elsewhere, like flowers or something, before invite people as singles…If I were invited to someone’s wedding without Fiance, I just wouldn’t go-I feel like it’s disrespectful to our relationship to not see us as a package deal. Just wondering-do you invite engaged or married couples without their SO, or just single people without a +1?

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