- 3 years ago
I think you should have your caterer prepare a vegan meal for her, but I don’t think you have to accommodate her every preference. You can’t possibly accommodate every guest’s preferences on what foods they do and don’t like. HOWEVER, since you’ll have to create a special meal for her anyway, and it’s your best friend, you may as well ask the caterer if they can accommodate her preferences as well. I don’t know if I’d try that hard for any random guest, but for my best friend, I would.
I can relate since I’m in the same boat as your friend with food and it can be a real PITA. However. She does have options. The caterer could put together a plate of different vegetables or a plain salad with olive oil/garlic dressing. Or she could eat before she goes if she feels it may not be to her liking.
I don’t expect others to cater to my needs at all and eat before since its a choice. Unless she specifically says something to you (and even if she does) I wouldn’t sweat it. If you feel like going above and beyond, you could ask the caterer but that may open up a can of worms with your friend who will also be limited on the appetizer and dessert menus. You are under 0 obligations to ensure she has a preferred meal at your own wedding
Asking the venue to provide a vegan meal – absolutely. That is expected.
Paying extra or spending more time and energy than one simple phone call or email on having them prepare her a meal that will suit her extremely picky preferences? Absurd and absolutely NOT expected of you.
That she is such a picky eater that you guys can hardly even go out to eat together anymore would bother me, especially if that spilled over into her expecting special treatment at your wedding. Eating a russet potato or regular pasta doesn’t infinge on her ethical beliefs and aren’t going to hurt her. She can suck it up for one night.
The more people cater to her pickiness, the more she will expect it going forward.
I have a couple of vegan friends and I always make sure that I have at least a couple of things that are vegan at my parties and if we go out to eat I’ll ask if there is somewhere they prefer because it has better vegan options than “fries”. But beyond that they’re on their own.
I think asking the caterer to make her a vegan meal and mentioning her preferences is just fine. We had one vegan at our wedding, and our vegetarian/vegan option was a wild mushroom risotto. The vegan guest was a friend’s plus-1 and she told me a few days before the wedding that he doesn’t eat mushrooms. Fine. I let our chef know and he said he would be able to accommodate it. I am assuming he substituted another vegetable for the mushrooms, but I didn’t followup, not did I ask my friend what vegetables her guest did like to eat. I trusted that the chef would make something appropriate and left it at that.
My best friend is also vegan. She and her husband were the only guests with dietary restirctions at our wedding. We had plated dinner menu where guests had a choice of one of: 2 starters, 3 mains, and 4 desserts. We also had passed appetizers during cocktail hour.
I made sure that one of the choices for each course were vegan. It was important to me to accomodate my friend who had supported me through many tough times in my life. This was a bit easier because we had multiple choices for each course, but surely your venue can accomodate one plate for dietary restrictions?
It sounds like there are plenty of VEGAN foods on your buffet, she’s just being picky.
Just because the buffet includes veggies and pasta doesn’t mean it isn’t prepared with butter, cheese, or other non-vegan ingredients.
I obviously can’t speak for the OP’s venue, but as someone who has worked in catering for years, I’d bet good money that the broccoli, green beans, potatoes, and/or pastas are all not vegan because of the recipe used or how they’re prepared.
OP- Your plan to ask the venue for one vegan plate for your best friend (separate from the buffet food) is the appropriate arrangement.
My DH is not vegan – but he is an incredibly picky eater. We have gone to many weddings where he didn’t like the food. The last one we went to had an option of fish or beef. He doesn’t eat seafood and the beef was cooked medium and he only eats it well done. He ate the beef. For desert was cheesecake or chocolate mousse. He doesn’t like either of those and just had a couple of bites of mousse.
No one ever caters to his pickyness, nor would he expect them to.
Get your caterer to make a vegan meal (they should be used to this request) but I wouldnt start asking for sweet potato and wholegrain etc.
I don’t think it’s that unreasonable (“picky”) that she doesn’t eat foods she judges to be unhealthy. Given that you have to ask the caterer to prepare a meal for her anyway, I don’t see why you wouldn’t ask if they could make it a healthy vegan meal without white carbs. When you’re choosing a special option for just one person, you might as well make it something they’ll actually eat.
I think your decision to talk to your catering team is the best idea and go from there. But also agree with pp not assume that something is vegan just because it sounds like it is. It might be worth asking how the item is prepared.
Also, it’d be unlikely that the caterer would remove all butter and cheese from every buffet dish just for one vegan guest, especially when serving things like potatoes and pasta where all the non-vegan guests will be expecting those ingredients/flavors. In the end, it’s easier and probably better for everyone involved (caterer, bride/groom, all guests) to have one separate vegan plate and keeping their other buffet recipes as-is.
I think everyone’s covered it but she sounds super annoying, don’t let this stress you out!
I’m sure yur caterer would be able to either add some vegan options (salad, vegetables, a pasta dish) to the buffet with no problem. If not perhaps they can do a plate just for her. But unless the potatoes thing is a dietary need that’s just being fussy in my opinion. Which is her choice but not one you need to bend over backwards to accomodate.