(Closed) 1 year later, and people are STILL angry!?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That is..WEIRD!!!!!!!!! We decided to have a small, family only wedding. 50 people. Just the close family. If we could we would have invited the ENTIRE family and we would be maybe 200..plus with friends..but we couldn’t so we told everybody (or almost..a little guilt here)we were very sorry but could not invite everyone. All’s well here, although maybe some are feeling left-out or secretly sad..i’ll try and compensate in another way, like sunday lunches and birthday parties.

You are NOT at fault and shame on these people!

Post # 4
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

wow talk about the best moment to tell them to GROW UP! a YEAR later and they’re STILL griping about it? Helloooo? Life moves on!

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Well, it’s hard, but, look at it this way: it’s because they consider(ed) their relationship with you & Darling Husband important, and when they didn’t receive an invitation, to them it implied that they weren’t as important to you as they thought they were/should be. That hurts. (Whether it’s an accurate perception or not is beside the point – their feelings are what they are.) And if you don’t say anything and just hope that with the passing of time it fades – it continues to hurt. I can think of friends whose weddings I was not invited to 8-10 years ago, and I remember how it stung. Even now, as we’re planning our own wedding and I have a better understanding of budget limitations, etc., it still kind of sucks that I didn’t make the cut and they never acknowledged that, “Hey, we really wish we could have invited you, but it just wasn’t feasible because our families are so huge,” or whatever.

The best way to deal with this, if your goal is to repair the relationship, is to approach the friend and say something like, “We’re so sorry we weren’t able to invite as many people as we wanted due to budget constraints/small venue/big family/whatever.” What they probably really want is to have their hurt feelings acknowledged and validated so they can move on. If you don’t feel like it’s worth doing this, or that you should have to do this, fine, but then you need to accept that those wounds are still going to fester and you’re not going to be on the best of terms with those people for a good long while.

Post # 7
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, those people have issues! You should not have to be dealing with this! Sorry, OP 🙁

Post # 8
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Woah… these are some seriously immature people.  I’m sorry you two have to deal with them!

Post # 9
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I find nothing wrong with leaving DH’s old friend off the guest list.  I mean, 3 yrs without talking is a long time, it boggles my mind that he would expect an invite.  You had to dwindle the numbers down, why would you leave off someone you talk to all the time to invite someone who didn’t take the effort to keep the friendship going?

Sadly some people are always looking for something to be mad about, or someone to be mad at. When will this end? Hopefully soon, but most likely not until they have something else to be mad about.  Don’t let this bother you, I know easier said than done, but don’t focus on them and just focus on the fact that you have been married for a year! Woohoo, Happy Anniversary!!!

Post # 10
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Some people grudges last a lifetime… and it looks bad on them! Just shake your head and let it go, if it bothers you so much, unfriend them on facebook after you message them that they are acting like 5 year olds!

Post # 12
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I personally do not understand how people can even think that they’re entitled to be invited to a wedding. I seriously don’t get it. Being invited is a privilege, not a right, and the guest list is completely at the bridal pair’s discretion. how can they even think of arguing about it? whatever the reasons of the bridal pair for not inviting you, whether it’s because of large family numbers etc, it really is NONE of your business and you should NOT be harassing the pair at all, let alone a year after the fact!

Post # 13
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow I’m sorry that people are doing this to you… We too had to make a few hard decisions and we decided not to and guest those not in relationships and did not invite any small children. As it is we still invited around 200 people and are having 168 come, which I think is a pretty hefty list. Most have been pretty understanding but there were a couple people who harrassed us, mostly my grandmother about the kids thing and one of FI’s distant relatives bitched on facebook about not getting to bring her Bf. But honestly, I didn’t know FI’s relative enough to know she was even in a relationship to begin with, so I don’t feel bad. Besides she will have at least a dozen family members there so its not exactly like she’ll be on her own. And the kids thing was less of a budget decision and more a tone of the wedding thing. Dinner isn’t even being served until 9, there will be an open bar, cigar bar, etc.

It does seem weird that after such a long period of time people are still holding grudges, but hopefully they will forgive and forget. If they don’t I recommend cutting them from your picture. People like that aren’t worth hanging around. And one day they will get married and then have to make their own decisions and they’ll feel like such a holes for giving you such a hard time.

Post # 14
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

wow. thats crazy! i am sure your wedding was awesome and all, but a year is a long time to hold a grudge over someone elses wedding 🙁

i think KCKnd2 makes a good point though. its probably mostly about validation. some people are miserable and get mad no matter what, but on the whole, i think most of these people are probably hurt and coping with it really poorly.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Clearly your high school biology lab partner’s feelings are not hurt, and so no apology is needed there.

Your relatives? This friend? It looks like their feelings are hurt.

You and Darling Husband now have two choices: you can say to yourselves, “They need to grow up and deal with it.” If that’s the choice you make, fine, but you also get to deal with its consequences. It sends them the message that “your feelings are not important to us,” and they will continue to be angry. If you’re fine with accepting that, then it’s the best choice for you.

Or you can decide, “their hurt feelings matter to us,” and you can try to do something about it.

Like it or not, strawbs et al., weddings do not happen in a consequence-free social vacuum. They are social occasions, which means they have to do with relationships between people – and those are two-way streets. Members of your families and friends who care about you (yes, even when time has elapsed since the last time you spoke) have a legitimate interest in really important occasions in your lives. Sometimes it shakes out that they don’t get to participate, but that doesn’t change the fact that it still hurts feelings when people who consider themselves close to you don’t get invited. To say “it’s a privilege, not a right, completely at the bridal pair’s discretion, etc.” ignores the reality of social relationships.

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You didn’t invite them and they are still bitching about it a year later.  I would let them know to let it go or move it along because you don’t need a “friend” like that.

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