(Closed) 1 year later, and people are STILL angry!?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, I would just ignore the friend unless your Darling Husband wants to continue that friendship. I honestly don’t understand how you can even consider someone a friend if you haven’t spoken in 3 years. That’s a stranger! 

@KCKnd2:  I get what your saying but I don’t really agree. Yes people will get their feelings hurt but it’s not our job to coddle them and make them feel better. I think that people sometimes need a reality check. Many people that I know have gotten married over the years. Should I be insulted that I didn’t get invited to every wedding? No! Weddings are expensive and it is up to the hosts to decide who attends.

Here’s another side to it: Four years ago Fiance & I attended a wedding of a former co-worker of his. Since then they have not spoken. What was the point of inviting us? We went because he felt obligated to attend but in reality they’re never going to see each other again.

Post # 19
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can’t believe they are harrassing you like this.

I’m one to take the bull by the horns. I would tell them you wanted an intimated wedding and felt only those who gave a damn enough to keep up with you were worthy enough to attend. You didnt’ have money to waste on fairweather people.


Post # 20
3696 posts
Sugar bee

You’re right – weddings don’t happen in a financial vacuum any more than they happen in a social vacuum, and we’re dealing with the issue of cutoff points on our guest list right now.

Mainly, my point is, if someone who wanted and expected an invitation doesn’t get one, it can make a big difference to hear, “We really wanted to invite you but we couldn’t,” vs. hearing nothing, which they usually take as “We didn’t want to invite you.” And yeah, you can’t run around telling the whole world that, but when it’s evident that someone you care about is upset, maybe it’s worth telling them.

Post # 21
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@doxielove:  It sounds like you’ve already done the polite explanation/apology for friends & family members who weren’t invited. I’d take one of two approaches. If it was family or friends who I’m interested in maintaining a relationship with, I’d flat out ignore any comments & stop apologizing. There’s nothing to be done about it now. If its someone who I didn’t care about keeping a relationship with I’d tell them to get over it; like your husband’s “friend”. Personally Id respond to a nasty, name-calling message with a “Clearly this sort of behavior from you is the reason we didn’t invite you.” That guy didn’t deserve to be at your wedding (and, frankly, I don’t think anyone else who is still publicly complaining after a year did either, no matter how hurt their feelings are.)

Post # 22
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My brother got married last year and decided to leave some very close family friends out of the rehearsal dinner (and it was a large rehearsal dinner, so it wasn’t like it was something very intimate with 10-20 people there) and a few of those people still bring it up, off-handedly (like when we talk about our rehearsal dinner, to which they are invited, they say things like “oh, are we invited this time?”). Its dumb, but its how people are (although if theyre sending you abusive facebook messages or texts, thats kind of over-the-line).

Post # 23
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well coming from when my brother got married almost 10 years ago and decided to have a Destination Wedding and at first told us we (meaning my parents and I) then going and getting married with out telling us (still a DW) these people will not forget. 

I am still hurt by it, in fact I did invite him and his now family to my wedding and I got a text on the day of my wedding saying he couldnt make it cause he was “sick”.. um considering I saw him in a local store the day before my wedding he so was not sick. So yeah very hurt and very angry and that was over a year ago. 

If this person thought that his realationship was a good one with you guys he will not forget even after all your apologies.  Just little perspective from the other end here

Post # 24
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel like you need to be frank, yet polite about the situation with these people. Tell them that it’s been a year and it was your wedding day and while you’re sorry that they were hurt that they were not invited, that you wanted a smaller wedding. It’s one day and it’s time to move on. Say that you don’t appreciate the name calling and rude messages and it’s time for it to stop. 

Totally absurd. 

Post # 25
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Sassygrn:  A brother getting married without you there is a liiiiiittttle different than this situation, wouldn’t you agree?  The OP said close family and friends were invited.  This person is someone they hadn’t seen or talked to in THREE years!  How important is that relationship then?  How much effort was either side putting into this?

Post # 26
13702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait, did you say you uninvited people?  Or just didn’t invite them in the first place?  Uninviting people is definitely uncool,  and I’d be hurt by it.

Regardless, it’s been a year.  It’s time for them to move on.

ETA: I re-read your post.  I get it now.  Totally uncool.  People need to grow up and move on.  Ugh.  A year!  I keep hoping the drama llama is going go away after the wedding ends…

Post # 28
1029 posts
Bumble bee

This happened to my mom when she married my dad back in 1980. She didn’t invite her aunt because she lived halfway across the country and didn’t think she’d come anyway, and to this day, 32 years later, her aunt is still mad at her.

Post # 30
13702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@doxielove:  It’s so weird!  Does this person not have anything better to do with their life than to hold grudges about a wedding invitation for years?  Yeeeesh.  I wish I had that kind of time on my hands.

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