Post # 17
@KCKnd2: I agree, it may hurt some, and they may feel slighted. But we can only apologize so many times? I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t think Darling Husband and I were out of line for not inviting every friend we’ve ever met.
If I invited everyone just to avoid hurt feelings, we’d be in the poorhouse. Which we’ve reiterated a million times. I was hoping there would be a better way to explain this to “slighted” friends.
Post # 18
OP, I would just ignore the friend unless your Darling Husband wants to continue that friendship. I honestly don’t understand how you can even consider someone a friend if you haven’t spoken in 3 years. That’s a stranger!
@KCKnd2: I get what your saying but I don’t really agree. Yes people will get their feelings hurt but it’s not our job to coddle them and make them feel better. I think that people sometimes need a reality check. Many people that I know have gotten married over the years. Should I be insulted that I didn’t get invited to every wedding? No! Weddings are expensive and it is up to the hosts to decide who attends.
Here’s another side to it: Four years ago Fiance & I attended a wedding of a former co-worker of his. Since then they have not spoken. What was the point of inviting us? We went because he felt obligated to attend but in reality they’re never going to see each other again.
Post # 19
I can’t believe they are harrassing you like this.
I’m one to take the bull by the horns. I would tell them you wanted an intimated wedding and felt only those who gave a damn enough to keep up with you were worthy enough to attend. You didnt’ have money to waste on fairweather people.
Post # 20
You’re right – weddings don’t happen in a financial vacuum any more than they happen in a social vacuum, and we’re dealing with the issue of cutoff points on our guest list right now.
Mainly, my point is, if someone who wanted and expected an invitation doesn’t get one, it can make a big difference to hear, “We really wanted to invite you but we couldn’t,” vs. hearing nothing, which they usually take as “We didn’t want to invite you.” And yeah, you can’t run around telling the whole world that, but when it’s evident that someone you care about is upset, maybe it’s worth telling them.
Post # 21
@doxielove: It sounds like you’ve already done the polite explanation/apology for friends & family members who weren’t invited. I’d take one of two approaches. If it was family or friends who I’m interested in maintaining a relationship with, I’d flat out ignore any comments & stop apologizing. There’s nothing to be done about it now. If its someone who I didn’t care about keeping a relationship with I’d tell them to get over it; like your husband’s “friend”. Personally Id respond to a nasty, name-calling message with a “Clearly this sort of behavior from you is the reason we didn’t invite you.” That guy didn’t deserve to be at your wedding (and, frankly, I don’t think anyone else who is still publicly complaining after a year did either, no matter how hurt their feelings are.)
Post # 22
My brother got married last year and decided to leave some very close family friends out of the rehearsal dinner (and it was a large rehearsal dinner, so it wasn’t like it was something very intimate with 10-20 people there) and a few of those people still bring it up, off-handedly (like when we talk about our rehearsal dinner, to which they are invited, they say things like “oh, are we invited this time?”). Its dumb, but its how people are (although if theyre sending you abusive facebook messages or texts, thats kind of over-the-line).
Post # 23
Well coming from when my brother got married almost 10 years ago and decided to have a Destination Wedding and at first told us we (meaning my parents and I) then going and getting married with out telling us (still a DW) these people will not forget.
I am still hurt by it, in fact I did invite him and his now family to my wedding and I got a text on the day of my wedding saying he couldnt make it cause he was “sick”.. um considering I saw him in a local store the day before my wedding he so was not sick. So yeah very hurt and very angry and that was over a year ago.
If this person thought that his realationship was a good one with you guys he will not forget even after all your apologies. Just little perspective from the other end here
Post # 24
I feel like you need to be frank, yet polite about the situation with these people. Tell them that it’s been a year and it was your wedding day and while you’re sorry that they were hurt that they were not invited, that you wanted a smaller wedding. It’s one day and it’s time to move on. Say that you don’t appreciate the name calling and rude messages and it’s time for it to stop.
Post # 25
@Sassygrn: A brother getting married without you there is a liiiiiittttle different than this situation, wouldn’t you agree? The OP said close family and friends were invited. This person is someone they hadn’t seen or talked to in THREE years! How important is that relationship then? How much effort was either side putting into this?
Post # 26
Wait, did you say you uninvited people? Or just didn’t invite them in the first place? Uninviting people is definitely uncool, and I’d be hurt by it.
Regardless, it’s been a year. It’s time for them to move on.
ETA: I re-read your post. I get it now. Totally uncool. People need to grow up and move on. Ugh. A year! I keep hoping the drama llama is going go away after the wedding ends…
Post # 27
@abbie017: No, I did not uninvite people. I was referring to people who I did not invite at all.
Post # 28
This happened to my mom when she married my dad back in 1980. She didn’t invite her aunt because she lived halfway across the country and didn’t think she’d come anyway, and to this day, 32 years later, her aunt is still mad at her.
Post # 29
Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. Darling Husband has explained one last time to this person (who continues to argue his point), that while we are sorry they feel they were wronged by not being invited, the past is the past and we’d like to move on.
After this we will ignore all correspondence from said person.
This is why I wish we would have just eloped!!
ETA – this is the 2nd time this person has contacted us directly regarding this. The first time we were super nice and apologetic. This time we were a little more to-the-point.
Post # 30
@doxielove: It’s so weird! Does this person not have anything better to do with their life than to hold grudges about a wedding invitation for years? Yeeeesh. I wish I had that kind of time on my hands.
Post # 31
@abbie017: DH thinks that this person was just bored and stoned. This is part of the reason they stopped talking – dude was a huge, like multiple times a day, (weed) smoker.