So… hey, ladies. I’ve been completely MIA for a while. Hitting the one year mark was tough, and then I got crazy busy. And I found that the less time I spend thinking about our infertility and the less time I spend in infertility message boards, the better off I felt. So I’ve been avoiding WB, with an occasional pop-in to catch up.
But my husband and I just had another appointment at our fertility clinic, and I need some thoughts/advice.
Background: trying for 15 cycles, no known issues. SA, estrogen, FSH, HSG, and ultrasound all look great.
So we had an appointment on Wednesday to discuss the next step. I should note that I was REALLY late to the office. Like, 30 min late. We’re in the process of moving, and I got caught up in packing and lost track of time. So my poor husband, who had left work for this appointment, just had to sit there in the waiting room alone for 30 minutes. So I arrive, we meet with the doctor, and in an appointment that lasts less than 5 minutes, he recommends Clomid with IUI. He says we can start at my next cycle, asks if we have any questions, then sends us on our way with instructions to call CD1. I leave the appointment happy that we have a plan, but I can tell my husband is in a bad mood. As we’re walking out the door he says, “well THAT was a waste of my time.”
He gets home from work, and over dinner, he tells me he doesn’t want to go ahead with the IUI. [Sidenote: I knew this might be an issue, as he dropped a bomb in May that he wasn’t sure he was comfortable taking “extreme measures” to get pregnant. But I was hoping IUI didn’t fall into that category.] He was still in a bad mood and spewed a lot of feelings at me: He hates that doctor’s office (“it’s my least favorite place in the world”), he doesn’t like our doctor, he feels like they’re just trying to get money from us, he doesn’t feel like we should be moving forward with this when there is nothing physically wrong with either of us, he doesn’t like how the doctor brushes off his questions about cost, and he doesn’t like that this plan has no ends (he feels we’ll just keep pouring money into it forever).
So with things like this, I’ve found that there is generally one main reason someone doesn’t like something, but I can’t figure out what that is. He knows (or he should know) that money isn’t an issue. Both sets of parents are dying for grandchildren, and are pretty well off and willing to help us out. It may be a religious thing. He doesn’t like all of these procedures becaue he feels like they’re “playing God”, and that this might be a sign that we should “just adopt” (in quotes, because you ladies know that it’s just as much time, stress, and money to adopt as it is to go through fertility treatments).
At this point, we haven’t discussed it much. I let him vent to me, and I didn’t respond. I honestly just want to get through this move before we tackle this. I’d like to discuss this calmly and rationally. I want to respect his feelings, but I also want him to respect mine. I’m wondering if a compromise is possible. Maybe he sets a timeline (like, 2 years or 30 months) where after trying for that length of time, he’ll accept the fact that we need help, and allow medical intervention.
As for now, I can either cancel the planned IUI, or I can call the doctor and ask if we can do a cycle with Clomid only. He said he would be okay with that. But is that worth it?
Longest post ever, ugh. I’d love to hear what you would do/say!