(Closed) 1 Year + TTC/TTC with Infertility – Part 26

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 511
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

Hi All, I’m still reading along. DH and I have been struggling with my feelings about my SIL’s new baby- he feels like my sadness has ruined his excitement. He pointed out that everyone in his family knows I’m having problems getting pregnant because I’m miserable (no, more likely because it’s been 14 months of trying and both families knew we wanted kids right away). He just wants me to “be happy and enjoy the current moment” and I suggested that he start coming with me to appointments so he gets to take hours out of his life to sit and wait for doctors to do invasive procedures and I’ll start keeping him in the loop with where I am in the cycle/what I’m anticipating next/how crappy the drugs are making me feel. I told him that we aren’t any closer to having a baby and he doesn’t agree because of last cycles CP. My latest is that I’m anxious not to test because I’m petrified that something else is going to go wrong. I think I’m going to test Friday or Saturday (13/14 DPO).

At the beginning of every cycle I feel hopeful and positive and as it gets closer to the end, my brain falls apart. After 14 months (7 months at the RE and this is the end of my second IUI cycle) this is just getting more and more difficult emotionally. I also wonder if the endometrin is making me more emotional/irrational this TWW. I wish I had a better way of getting DH to understand that I’m doing the best I can but the weight on my chest is soul crushing every time I get a pregnancy announcement, a baby is born, or I hit another TWW.

Post # 512
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

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EL2101:  AAAAAH Congratulations!!!! That’s what mine looked like 13DPO!! When are your betas? FX for a sticky bean!

Post # 513
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee

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MissCountryGirl727: Wow. Thank you for that great info! Very helpful! We do use Preseed, initially we used the applicator, but not anymore because it was wasting too much. Do you actually eat lemon wedges? Lemon is great. πŸ™‚ Also that video series is awesome and very interesting. Thank you again  πŸ™‚

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EL2101:  The big announcement, so excited for you!! πŸ™‚

Post # 514
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Dreaming13:  thank you!! first beta Friday.. forever! luckily we have fun plans all week (which is crazy, we never have weeknight plans!) I’m so sorry DH is having trouble empathizing. Maybe him coming to appointments is a good idea, Destination Wedding did once and couldn’t believe what it was like — was he open to that?

Post # 515
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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EL2101:  oh my gosh, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited for you!

Post # 516
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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vanike:  awe!  Your coworkers are so sweet. 

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weightwatchers152:  I hope the saline sono goes well this week!  I never really notice CM either, so I’ve been doing evening primrose oil to help with that. I take 3 tablets (1000mg) a day up until O and then I stop. The trigger/injectables won’t bypass that at all, only IUI or IVF would.  I seond the preseed idea as well! How is your friend doing?  That would be so scary!

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MissCountryGirl727:  I hope the U/S tomorrow goes well and you can trigger soon!

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EL2101:  looks like a BFP to me!  Congrats!

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Dreaming13:  it is really hard, esp on the guys, for anyone else to understand what we’re going through.  That’s why support forums like this are so helpful! DH started to understand more when he started coming to the RE appointments and hearing from them what was going on and physically seeing on the U/S screens what wasn’t happening.  He’s become a lot more willing to talk his feelings out since then. And your DH could just be trying to fix things (guys are fixers) and doesn’t know what else to do. Try to be gentle with him too.  Even if he doesn’t show it, all of the waiting and disappointment does hurt him too. 

I will say that months 9-18 were the hardest on me and the last 3 have been easier.  Every pregnancy announcement doesn’t make me cry anymore (although there are still plenty that do!) and I don’t feel miserable all the time anymore.  I sincerely hope that this IUI is your sticky BFP cycle and you won’t have to go through this any longer. But it helped me to hear others who’d been in it longer say that it wasn’t always so dark.  It’s still absolutely sucks, it’s hard and no one should have to go through this, but there does come a time when for some reason, it’s easier to keep going. 

I’m so sorry if this comes across as judgemental at all because that it not my intent.  I completely understand what you’re feeling because I’ve been there too. It’s almost like infertility has it’s own sucky form of PTSD!  I just wanted to try and encourage you that it won’t always be like this. 

Post # 517
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Dreaming13:  hugs!!! My DH and i went through a similar hard time where he would say I was obsessed with TTC and can’t recognize the good things in life and stuff, and I felt like he was being insensitive and didn’t even care. After a lot of arguments and breakdowns, we got through it. He really came around about being more involved in the process and I tried to calm the F down so I didn’t scare him off of infertility treatments entirely. Unfortunately our failed IVF cycles really brought us closer together, and this last cycle went WAY better with us being on the same page. Just try to talk it out and see if you can come up with ways for you both to compromise a little and meet half way. We totally understand how you feel, so please vent any time!!

AFM, our RE appointment went well today! Starting BCPs today, endometrial scratch next week, then baseline ultrasound and labs the week after, and we are off! Transfer should be sometime around 6/17. We told him to just transfer the best embryo and not tell us the sex. There are at least two 6AAs, so it will be one of them! I’ll start heparin on the day of transfer too. Oh my gosh I hope this is it for us. We have pulled out all the ammunition we have (save for maybe an ERA and intralipids) and I feel really good about it! My 31st birthday is July 6 – what an amazing birthday present that would be!!

Post # 518
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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RunnerBride13:  so excited to see how this round turns out for you guys!!

Post # 519
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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EL2101:  popping in to say congratulations!!!!  feeling super thirsty was my first pregnancy sign.  FX for an amazing beta on Friday!

Post # 520
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3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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weightwatchers152:  Oh god no.  DH has this ability to eat lemons/limes like a dang orange, but I can’t.  I’ve just been trying to drink more fresh squeezed lemonade, add lemons to my water, etc.  I read that citrus actually increases your body’s pH (which is more friendly to sperm) so I figured why not give it a go?

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hogoboom2012:  Thanks!! 

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Dreaming13:  ((HUGS)) I know it’s hard.  Our one year mark sent me spiralling down that rabbit hole, as well as the 2 year mark.  It honestly doesn’t get any easier, but eventually you kind of reach a point where you learn how to deal with those feelings a little bit better.

As far as your DH goes, has he not been to any appointments with you?? For us, it really helped my DH to talk to & listen to the Dr instead of hearing it from me.  It especially helped us since our Dr went through infertility with his wife, so he was able to share some of his own personal feelings & experience regarding things like not knowing how to comfort/help your wife who is crying herself to sleep, or how to listen to the venting and not try to “fix” it for her.  I know several Bees who found a therapist helpful to communicate their feelings…maybe that’s an option?

I have my FX for you that you’ll get your sticky BFP soon!

Post # 521
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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MrsR4ever:  we are slated for IVF to begin August 29 so I guess we need to know sometime before August???  

Post # 522
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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RunnerBride13:  I waffle constantly. I think we have the best odds with IVF, assuming there’s isn’t some undiscovered issue with me. I know I have progesterone issues and I’m sure a lot of my ovulation is weak but our RE has never tried to investigate any further because DH has the BIG problem and I guess she just figured it’s nothing IVF won’t fix. I’m scared to death of shelling out all of that money and then finding out something g is wrong with me, like I find out I have bad eggs, or my embryos all arrest. I know those are normal IVF fears but we’ve agreed to pay for one IVF cycle and work only with the embryos we get from it and then stop. On the other hand, donor IUI could take several attempts and end up costing the same anyway…  I’m leaning towards Ivf and if it fails, and subsequent FETs fail (assuming we have embies to freeze), then I may try a few donor IUIs..   Gahhh.. I don’t know what to think! 

Post # 523
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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EL2101:  Congrats, mama!  πŸ™‚ 

 

AFM: cd1 today so called in for an IUI cycle. I think they will bump me up to 100mg clomid. At least that’s what’s the RE said back in January after our first (and only) failed IUI cycle. She did express concern about the possibility of more than one egg being released with the increased dose but heck I think with only 800k post wash, I’ll take some extra targets πŸ˜‰.  It might be switched to TI pending how I respond because our long weekend is right around the time I triggered last cycle.  

Post # 524
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

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RunnerBride13:  Thank you! Turns out my body is way unpredictable. Glad you had a good Mother’s Day and I hope the FET went well! 

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EL2101:  Congrats!!!

Post # 525
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

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MissCountryGirl727:  I talked with my RE today so I’m feeling better. Good luck with your ultrasound tomorrow!

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weightwatchers152:  I’m doing okay, thanks. So sorry to hear about your godmother’s daughter. Hope the baby is doing ok. Hugs. 

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