- 11 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
le sigh. Settle in, it’s going to bee a long one. I’m notoriously long-winded and bad-grammared.
BF and I have been dating for a bit over 3 years and we’ve been loving every minute of it. Last August, I moved from CA to TN for school and had to leave him behind in CA because of his work. Before I left in August, we agreed that we should get engaged in the next year. I was excited/hopeful and it kept me going for the last 9, lonely months.
He’s been pioneering his own company for about the last year and we kind of always assumed that he would be able to come move with me after my first year or so of my program. When we started our plan of being engaged, we assumed that he would move out at that time. Things haven’t really changed, but manufacturing time lines have set in and now that I’m asking more insistently when he’s going to move out, he can’t really answer me. He now estimates that the earliest he could move out would be this time NEXT year. But he’s not even certain about that.
So if he’s not sure if we can be together (physically) a year from now, does it make sense to get engaged this summer? Since neither of us wanted to be engaged longer than ~1 year, it’s starting to look like the answer is no.
But if he DOES moves out, say, a year from now, when I’m about to enter the 3rd year of my program, I’ll only have a year to go until I’ll have to leave for externships, which may or may not be local. Married students and students with kids get priority for local sites, so I might get shoved out of the area. So at that point, is it worth spending a year in TN before I’ll have to leave (possibly BACK to CA) for externships for the better part of a year? It’s looking like the answer is “probably not”.
So if we can’t be together until I’m finished with my program, then we probably shouldn’t get married until I’m done with my program…in 2014…And THEN there’s my residency which will probably last a year…We’ll have gone 4 years LDR, what’s another year (NOT)? Okay, now we’re at 2015 wedding date…Is this complicated enough for you?
For the last year I’ve been so excited about getting engaged this summer, and now suddenly I’m looking at a 2014 engagement/2015 wedding. Every time we talk about it even on a surface level, I start to cry. I don’t WANT to wait until then! I’ll be 29 by the end of my residency…That’s when I thought I was going to be pregnant with my first child, preferably by the man I’m MARRIED to! And I’m supposed to somehow weasel my way into a practice in CA after my residency. Everyone says “you can still do all those things!” But I don’t want to get married, pregnant, and jobbed all within months of each other. It’s so much stress that it’d be nice to get at least one of those things out of the way before I graduate. The job can’t wait, I need to pay back loans and start my career. I NEED TO START MY 401K. And babies can only wait another year or so if I plan to crank 2 of ’em out before 35. Don’t even ask me how I’m going to work as the N00B in the office and raise kids at the same time. I don’t know. Somehow, that’s the least of my worries.
I probably left vital parts of my situation out, but I’m sure they’ll crop up eventually.
Graduate school bees, or any bees whose education caused them to delay all their life plans, WHAT did you DO?? Do we get married next year and be married long distance? Do we get engaged this summer as planned and then be engaged for 4 years? I’m just not the type of person to sit back and see what happens. I need to know what I’m going to do for the next four years and I have to know now. I am THAT high strung. I’m so tired from crying and it’s so late at night…
If you managed to read through all that (I used paragraphs!), then please tell me your thoughts. Counsel me.