10 months gone, 2 to go

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

There is October, November and December left before the year is over. You’re getting ahead of yourself.  You agreed to a year so I think you need to relax and actually give it a year. 

If he bought the ring after the half way point, how has he been sitting on it for 4 months? At the very most it was 2 months, and maybe he hadn’t even paid for it yet.

I don’t think you’re being very fair on him right now, you agreed to a year and now you’re getting upset and running out of patience when there are still several months left.  You shouldn’t have agreed to a year if you weren’t comfortable with it, but you can’t logically get upset when currently you are still within the original timeline. 

Post # 4
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

sparkle99 :  I seriously think you need to stop pushing, you have already pushed multiple times through the year.  I don’t even think you should have reminded him of the half way mark, it just comes off as controlling.  You both agreed on a time line, just leave him to it.  No one wants to propose because their partner keeps nagging them about it.  Who cares how long he has had the ring for? Let him do it when he is comfortable.  

If he had gone past the time you agreed on then I would understand your frustration, but I think you need go relinquish some control here and step back. 

Post # 5
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

If he bought the ring, assuming you have solid proof of it, I would let it ride for a while before bringing it up. If no ring by Christmas, then yes, I’d be out the door. 

Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

zzar45 :  The purpose of a timeline is not to wait till the very last day to propose. It is a legitimate concern to wonder why it’s taking so long. 

Post # 7
Member
5566 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

beetobe27 :  I didn’t say it was, but there is no point agreeing to 12 months only to get pissed off at less than 10.  They had only started discussing marriage when they set the original time line, this isn’t something they were explicitly working towards before. Give the guy a chance, I just don’t understand the point in setting a timeline if you wouldn’t be happy for it to be towards the end. 

Post # 8
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee

beetobe27 :  Well perhaps you should give a TED talk then so everyone has your definition of what a timeline should be since you’re an expert.

The fact of the matter is when people give themselves deadlines, it is because that is likely when they plan to do it or have the job completed.  My boss gave me a project and asked me when they can expect I’ll have it finished.  I said November 1st because I don’t anticipate even starting until October 15th due to other factors.  If I intended to give it top priority and bump other things for it I would have given it an earlier deadline.  My boss may check once before November 1 to see If we’re still on track for the same deadline, but they should know better than to ask me every week between now and then why it isn’t done yet.  If he was planning to propose in May he would have said planning to propose within 6 months, or in October he would have said 10 months.  Despite what you feel a purpose of a timeline may be, it doesn’t override human nature and how most people treat deadlines.

By that token, the person waiting needs to hold up their end.  If they have a problem with 12 months and want to be engaged with 10 months then the time to speak up was 10 months ago during the timeline talk – not act like they are fine with 12 months and then nag and complain about it.  Shut up or put up.  Nothing stopping a person from just doing the job themselves if it is so important to them.  If that isn’t the route you want to go then calmly renegotiate or just live your life.  The secret to “waiting” is to have a happy fulfilling life that keeps you satisfied.

Post # 9
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

annabananabee :  Calm down. No need to be rude.

I don’t think he needs to wait the full 12 months before proposing. At 10 months, it’s natural to start questioning if it’s going to happen. This is not the same as a work deadline for projects where you need a certain amount of time to finish tasks at hand.

Post # 10
Member
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

sparkle99 :  What makes you think he isn’t planning to do it on your anniversary? 

Post # 11
Member
5568 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Can I ask why you told him his response of “I haven’t thought of marriage” was bullshit? It sounds like you didn’t take him seriously

Bees are right in that you have a few more months before the end of his timeline. I’m just wondering why you wrote him off when he said he wasn’t thinking of marriage

It seems like you pushed him into this. But he does have the ring and he has a few months left 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post # 14
Member
5568 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

sparkle99 :  why do you think he would lie then? Do you think he didn’t want to get married and used that as an excuse?

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