10 months gone, 2 to go

posted 1 month ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
813 posts
Busy bee

annabananabee :  Are you constipated?

I am asking because last week I was being incredibly rude on comments and I though it was PMS, but really I was just super constipated. 

Post # 32
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

sparkle99 :  Stick to your timeline bee. I wouldn’t mention it anymore. He’s already aware and it’s just making you miserable. I know the wait absolutely sucks and it has you in a state of worrying whether he will or not. I would be prepared to leave if he doesn’t and have a smile on my face. Don’t let him rob you of your joy now or any later than your walk date. Best wishes.

PS…if he’s like this as a bf trust me, he will be just like this as a husband. Been there done that.

Post # 33
Member
318 posts
Helper bee

annabananabee :  “Well perhaps you should give a TED talk then so everyone has your definition of what a timeline should be since you’re an expert.

 

The fact of the matter is when people give themselves deadlines, it is because that is likely when they plan to do it or have the job completed. “

 

Seriously? How about you lead the way by doing a TED talk on the art of being obnoxious?

Have the job completed? Yeah, like asking someone to marry you? That definitely requires a year of hard work and planning, even when you’ve had the ring for months.

Post # 34
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

You should wait till December but if he doesn’t propose, you should consider moving out. Don’t accept excuses for delays beyond your deadline.

Post # 35
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

I have been there. My husband proposed 12/22 when he said by end of year. I think he ordered the ring end of October and it barely delivered. He would have been in trouble too if it wasn’t in before New Years. And I was just in a hurry because I was 29 and more than ready. We were together for around 2.5 years by proposal.

I can’t say wait or calm down because I know that does nothing personally. But I will send good vibes your way. 🙂

Post # 36
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Massachusetts

He has the ring which is more than most of these waiters on here have. Take a deep breath and let him do his thing. If it’s past his deadline, then speak to him.

Post # 37
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

blondie603 :  I was going to say that.  At least he has a ring. Most time wasters wouldn’t spend money on a ring. I don’t think you should bring this up before your timeline but be prepared to walk if he doesn’t propose.

Post # 38
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Hi, bee.  I am so sorry that you are feeling distress over this.  I can absolutely understand that this waiting is maddening.  Yes, he has the ring, but he seems to be sitting on it.  I would advocate that you have an honest conversation with him.  I am not saying that I think you should demand an immediate proposal I am suggesting that you say something along the lines of:

“SO, I am asking you to listen for just a little bit.  Please know that I am not trying to pressure you into anything that you are not ready for or don’t want.  I just need you to know that I love you very, very much and I really want to be your wife.    We have been together for half a decade, and we are in our 30’s.  I don’t believe that waiting is going to give us a better vantage point for making this kind of life commitment to one another.  Now, I know we agreed that we would be engaged in a year and it hasn’t quite been that long.  I am feeling vulnerable and I want to be honest with you about how I am feeling.”

Good luck, bee.  I will be thinking of you.

Post # 39
Member
10845 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sparkle99 :  

Bee, you do not have to wait until December.  You have agency here.  You did not take a blood oath, nor was there legislative action on this matter.  

People change their minds.  If the situation has become intolerable for you, so be it.  A loving relationship is not something you should have to force yourself to gut out for a few more months.

As for the timeline; is that his timeline, yours, or a mutually negotiated timeline that made both of you happy? If it’s not the latter, I’d be even more inclined to pull the plug early. There is no mutual authenticity here, Bee; the essential element for a healthy, happy relationship.

There is nothing wrong with revisiting an important issue and renegotiating the terms of an agreement.  Do what you feel you need to do to take care of yourself.

 

Post # 41
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I know one thing…..if he’s going to wait until the end of the timeline to propose it better be fucking fantastic!

Bee….I completely feel where you’re coming from but I agree with the pp’s who say wait until the agreed upon deadline but have a plan in place.  Honestly, I’d really question his committment if he actually does wait until the end.

Post # 42
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

I can’t believe how many posts are telling you that your worries aren’t justified because he’s still got two months. It doesn’t take 10 months to plan a proposal. He made you try the ring months ago and said he was planning something. He’s still planning? He better have something totally amazing planned, because a simple proposal doesn’t take a whole year.

Post # 43
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee

sparkle99 :  sorry bee. This is limbo hell if I’ve ever seen it.

Im torn here. You’ve waited 10 months at this point. There are only 2 months to go. Part of me thinks you should sit back and watch things unfold and if he doesn’t propose, you know you can leave resting assured that you checked in with him halfway through the timeline and he promised you he was planning it. So you will know he was never going to whether you prompted him or not.

But it also seems that you are extremely anxious. If you can’t stand it then have a heart to heart with him.

Its a good sign that he bought a ring after he told you he was planning for the proposal. That he sat on it is effing annoying. However, he could just be waiting for a specific holiday or anniversary. That is entirely possible.

As PPs have said, it all comes down to whether you trust him to follow through. You should NOT have to remind him to follow through on a timeline you both agreed to. 

Something tells me you don’t trust him to follow through. 

I hope it all works out for you. Either way, have a backup plan for December.

Post # 44
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

sparkle99 : “By his mid 30s, he had not even thought of marriage at all? I find that hard to believe.” 

That is absolutely a thing, just so you’re aware. My SO and I will be engaged by the end of the year, and before he met me, he had only the abstract concept of “I’ll get married someday” in the back of his mind. He’d never actively thought about it. He’s almost 37. 

I agree with PPs who say you should give him to the end of his timeline to propose. You both came to an adult agreement that anytime within a year would be reasonable. You’re getting toward the holidays, and he has the ring. He’s been making progress. Don’t let your impatience spoil this for both of you. 

Post # 45
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

sassy411 :  Maybe, but at 34, proposing to shut your girlfriend up and then be engaged for years would be crazy. I’m sure it does happen but seems senseless.

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