10 months gone, 2 to go

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 76
Member
2045 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

sparkle99 :  did you ask him what ‘not the marrying kind’ means? It could be something as simple as he’s worried he might mess up and is therefore scared to take the next step. Or it could be his way of hinting that he doesn’t want to get married. 

A few partners of the bees have sat on the ring after receiving them but usually to plan something. It doesn’t sound like he’s planning anything. I know you’ve still got two months of the timeline but I think you need to talk to him but not as a result of argument. He may well be reluctant to talk and say you’re pressuring him but find out what he means by not the marrying kind. If the outcome is the same, I think you’re better ending it now rather than in another two months. 

Post # 77
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

sparkle99 :  Why buy the ring and give a timeline then? That’s idiotic.

Post # 79
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Did your boyfriend say he will not propose? It is not clear from your post what point he was making.

Post # 81
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

sparkle99 :  Don’t invest your entire future with someone who doesn’t think they are the “marrying kind”, that sounds like years of nightmare.

Im sorry this is happening to you but if marriage is important to you, you deserve to be with someone who views it as equally important. This man is not it.

Post # 82
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sparkle99 : He didn’t say he will not propose. But that he has been taking his time because he is not 100% sure if he is the marrying kind.

Regardless bee it doesn’t sound very good.  If that was said to me I would take that as a warning that a proposal probably won’t come.

I’ve said before that a man who wants to get married proposes without having to be prodded, convinced, pushed or given ultimatums.  He does it because he WANTS to and he’s usually excited about it.  If you have to argue the truth out of him bee…..that’s pretty much your answer.   

Let us know how things turn out in a month bee when you’re ready….but I feel like we already know what the outcome will be. 

For your sake I really hope I’m wrong.

Post # 83
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

It really depends on how this was said. He could be saying that he needed this much time because he was not mentally thinking about marriage when you brought it up, or it could mean that he has since come to the realization that he does not want to marry you or anyone. 

Not every man (and not every woman) wants to get married these days. It happens. It does not have to mean that he will not marry you, he might still propose. You do need to think about a few things, such as whether you want to be with a man who does not see marriage as being important to commitment. There was another thread here where a bee’s fiance was not interested in marriage but they got engaged despite his anti-marriage stance because she wanted to get married. You need to talk to your boyfriend again and not wait until the end of the timeline.

Post # 84
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

alexandrite :  I think I know which bee you are talking about but the situations are IMO not similar at all. That guy was against marriage on principle but went ahead with getting engaged because his girlfriend was strongly for it and he understood her reasons. OP’s boyfriend is not saying he does not believe in marriage or that it is a piece of paper, but that he is not cut out for marriage or he cannot see himself making that commitment. 

Post # 87
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

sparkle99 :  honestly it just sounds more and more like an execuze… it’s one thing to truly not believe/agree with marriage or needing it but not the “marrying kind”? like what he can’t commit to you? Im sorry it just sounds like an execuze.. same way I used to tell guys I am not a relationship girl.. yet here I am happily married to someone I found was the one. 

you.deserve.better.

Post # 88
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Aww, Sparkle, this is a tough one. It does seem more than a little unfair that he is only telling you this now. At the same time, maybe he, himself didn’t really know until now what his reasoning was. At the end of the day, though, sadly, it doesn’t matter what his reasoning is. If he doesn’t feel that he is the marrying kind, then the marriage will feel forced to him and will probably put a lot of negative injury into the relationship if the marriage does happen. These stories make me angry because, even though, he probably wasn’t intentionally stringing you along (I hope), it still hurts you like a motherf*** and this time could be spent finding someone who IS marriage-minded, and marriage-minded with YOU. Hopefully you get an answer, and a good one, sooner vs later. 

Post # 89
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Him not being sure he wants to get married is an answer, it’s just not the one you hoped to hear. I’m sorry, Bee. If marriage is a dealbreaker for you, don’t let him drag things on any longer. Time to move on.

Post # 90
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

There are guys out there that want to be married. He does not, or he’d do it. You wouldn’t work for your boss for free for 12 months while they decide if they want to keep you, would you?

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