10 months gone, 2 to go

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 91
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’m sorry OP but this isn’t going to end in marriage. Being the ages you are you should know sooner if anything. Because being 33 and 34, you are usually completely self sufficient adults that have your lives together, jobs, apartments etc. at that age you really shouldn’t be wasting any longer than a year with someone. By the 1 year mark you both should be pretty close to knowing if you want to marry each other or not. From what I have seen and my own experience you shouldn’t spend more than a year on someone  in your 30’s. My fiancé and I met when I was 33 and moved in at 8 months with the agreement to get engaged 6 months from then. We are getting married next week which is 2 years to the week of our first date. It was easy and natural. From the start we agreed we both wanted kids and marriage and that was our goal.

OP your red flag was when your boyfriend said he hadn’t even thought of marriage after dating you for so long. So at the start of you two dating did you agree that you both wanted marriage and kids? Or did you never ask? Or did he lie? No one is going to protect your future but you. You need to ask those things right upfront. Don’t date people who don’t want the same things as you do with the same level of certainty. 

but whatever you do, don’t let your fear call the shots. I was 33 when I met my fiancé. My coworker met her now fiancé a year ago. If you move on from this relationship you can and will find someone else. And it doesn’t have to take 5 years of your life to do it. 

Post # 93
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

sparkle99 :  Well done for protecting your heart and head in this. It cant imagine it was easy, and you are so strong for knowing your worth 😊❤

Post # 94
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sparkle99 :  I think you are so badass for breaking up with him rather than settle for whatever scraps he will throw you. Good for you!

Post # 95
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee

sparkle99 :  I am SO SORRY bee. 
I am absolutely livid on your behalf. I am appalled that he led you on like this and fucking BOUGHT A RING knowing he had ZERO intention of ever giving it to you. 

I don’t blame you at all for being angry. What a piece of trash he is for leading you on like that. Almost an entire year you can’t get back because he pissed it away. 

I hate this man. And hate is a strong word

Post # 96
Member
252 posts
Helper bee

sparkle99 :  “He told me how two people who love each other should stay together because they want to and not because they are tied down legally, and that if you no longer love someone, you should be able to walk away without fighting in courts”   aka he wants to be able to walk away easily because he knew you are not the one 11 months ago and doesn’t want a divorce when he feels like breaking up..

Ya bullshit is 100% right, I am so sorry you are going through this bee but good for you walk ending it and walking away and putting yourself first, in 2019 North America it is truly sickening how many woman don’t have that strentgh/power and still feel like being with an asshole or a guy who clearlt doesn’t wanna commit is better than being single ( ITS NOT)

You will find someone who doesn’t need a timeline to begin with and will have enough balls to upfront and honest, best of luck bee. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

Post # 97
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

You deserve better, Bee. This guy sucks.

Post # 98
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

Oh I’m so sorry to hear that!  What a jerk!

Post # 99
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

What an ass. I don’t know if you want children but you are 33 and it’s cruel that he wasted a year of your life dragging his feet. I’m so sorry. 

Post # 102
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sparkle99 :  I’m so sorry but you did the right thing! You deserve someone who is excited to marry you!

Post # 103
Member
201 posts
Helper bee

Good riddance. Hope you’re ok.

Post # 104
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

Ugh that really sucks but I’m glad that you stood up for yourself. Better to waste 11 months of your life than to have someone string you along for several more years. Be kind to yourself and take time to heal, you’re very brave for being able to walk away in to be able to find someone that truly wants to spend the rest of their life with you instead of this guy.

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