Post # 1
So my SO and I have been together for 10 months tomorrow. He is an awesome man, and I never dreamed I would find someone as great as him. I also never dreamed that I would be in such a great relationship and still not be engaged. We aren’t young. He’s 48 and I’m 37. There are some extenuating circumstances, so I understand why he’s taking his time. He’s got 3 kids, 14, 16, and 20. The 2 youngest have had a hard time with him dating anyone and haven’t always been very nice to me, but things are getting better. There are also just the past hurts from his divorce and the fact that he has a small amount of debt he wants to pay off.
I am trying to give him grace and be patient. But it’s SO hard. I am so ready to be engaged to him and married to him. It would be so nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To know that on such and so date, we will be husband and wife. We aren’t getting any younger and I just want to start our lives together.
My mom is sort of getting impatient too. I think she wonders if this will ever really happen, or if 6 months down the road I will be single again because I gave up on waiting. Giving up on my SO and breaking it off seriously feels worse than death, so there’s no way I’m doing that. But I do feel that if we get to the 1 year mark, I need to ask for a timeline of sorts. What do you all think?
We have talked about the future a lot and about a wedding. Just a few weeks ago, we talked about what kind of rehearsal dinner we want. So I know it’s on his mind…
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@berrynuttyfarm: I mean… 10 months isn’t really that long, regardless of age…
Post # 4
@berrynuttyfarm: I think it’s way too fast. 10 months isnt long at all to me… I’m sorry.
Post # 5
@berrynuttyfarm: Do you live together?
Post # 6
10 months isn’t long at all. give him some time.
Post # 7
@berrynuttyfarm: I would give it till your one year and then talk to him, calmly and honestly, about how you feel and see where he’s at. I also would do it the weekend after the one year, spend the actual anniversary having a lovely romantic evening.
If its on his brain and he seems into it… then lie back for a bit. Its only been 10 months. He might propose on your anniversary! Putting the pressure on him will likely have a reverse effect. So hang in there and be his happy blissful grateful smitten girlfriend for 2 more months before you sink into the anxious waiting abyss!!
Post # 8
Don’t give a walk date after 10 months…enjoy living life and learning about each other! What’s meant to be will be! 🙂
As long as he has made it clear that he is dating to marry then don’t worry
Post # 9
Errr 10 months? That’s a short amount of time. I don’t even COUNT my “romances” of under a year as being real relationships… For example I don’t call them exes, I call them “guys I dated once”. It’s unfair to put pressure on him so early, especially if he’s been through a divorce – I’m sure he’s gun-shy!
Post # 10
I can see that the consensus is that 10 months isn’t very long. I just never dreamed I wouldn’t be engaged by this point. One of my closest friends got engaged 2 months ago, and she and her man had only been dating for 5 months. They are getting married next month. My younger brother started dating his now wife in May one year, and they were married in Jan. I guess we do things quick around here. I don’t think I feel pressured because of that, but I mostly just figured that when I knew I had met the one…why wait?
We are not living together and won’t be until we are married. (Incidentally, we aren’t sleeping together either…)
I’m definitely not going to give a walk date now, but after the year mark, I feel like I’m going to have to say something if he hasn’t made any indications of when we might get engaged. He has definitely made it clear that he wouldn’t be dating me for this long if he didn’t think it was leading to marriage. He has also slipped up twice and called me his wife. I had to laugh out loud at that both times. 🙂
And yes, since he’s divorced, he is still a little gunshy.
Thanks to each of you for giving me a little peace in this whole thing. And thanks for your encouragement!
Post # 11
I think it’s good to keep the communication open so that you both know what the other person is looking for. How long ago was his divorce?
Post # 11
berrynuttyfarm: “I just never dreamed I wouldn’t be engaged by this point.”
By “by this point”, do you mean after 10 months of dating, or 37 years old…? You’re also an adult, so your mother’s opinion of your relationship shouldn’t really matter this much. Don’t get so hung up on the title of “wife” (especially after such a short time dating) that you ruin what sounds like a really good relationship. I know this thread is 2 months old, so maybe you’re engaged by now? Update?
Post # 12
I disagree with everyone who says 10 months isn’t very long. That is plenty of time to get to know someone and have a good idea about marriage. The fact that you have already talked about a future and a wedding is wonderful! Each relationship is different and the amount of time you two have been dating is not the biggest factor to consider. Honestly, it’s not even a factor at all. Sometimes you both just know that you are perfect for each other. However, I would approach him and kinda put your heart out there. Let him know you want to be married before you are 38 (or 39 or 40 or whatever the case may be) and ask him if he’s on the same page. Let him know you are not trying to force or push him, you just want to make sure the two of you are heading in the same direction. If you are, then great! Leave the subject alone and enjoy the relationship! But if not, then you have to figure out where he expects the relationship to go and if you want to hang around for that.
Post # 13
Relax, 10 months is nothing.
Post # 14
berrynuttyfarm: My SO and I just passed our 10month point. When you know, you know. For some people it takes years to know if the person they are with is the right one; for others, it only takes a few weeks. I understand where you’re coming from, being that I am someone that “just knew” that the man I am dating would be The One. Don’t let those around you get you down. 10months is more than enough time to know what you want, IMO. Good luck, and just remember to stay positive.