(Closed) 10 Reasons Why He Hasn't Popped the Question

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Personally, I think it’s 2 main reasons. He’s not ready, or he doesn’t want to. These reasons could be helpful in some cases, but may give women false hope that they can change their SO

Post # 4
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

@LadyBlackheart:  That’s pretty interesting. Luckily I don’t think I fall into any of those categories… (We don’t live together for example) or at least don’t fit any that I’m aware of! (Maybe I’ve nagged a LITTLE before lol)

 

The needing to be needed thing was unexpected. Though it makes sense. My SO and I are very independent people and we love that about each other, but one time I told him something along the lines of “You have to stay, I need you” (In a loving way not a whiney way) and he was THRILLED! He’s like really?! That’s great!

 

I was a little confused at the time because I’ve never wanted to be a needy girlfriend (or person in general) and I always thought that turned guys off. I’m sure too much of it does anyway. But he seems so happy when I need something done that handy or that involves power tools or putting on my new shower head. He’ll do it right away and he’s happy to.

 

I know it’s pretty much against years and years of feminist movements but sometimes I like to play the role of “I’m just a girl I don’t know how to do that” *blink blink*

Post # 5
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

@Laurenplusalex:  I totally agree! I think my SO is in the not-ready-but-knows-when-he-will-be-ready phase lol (when he graduates)

Post # 6
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@VaVaVoomBee:  mine is in the not ready because he wants to make sure his job is secure first category. I love that he is so responsible and cautious, so I guess I need to accept the waiting that comes with it

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think that article was kind of weird, and put way too much emphasis on the woman and the mistakes she is making that are negatively affecting the relationship. If there’s one thing women don’t need, it’s more guilt and blame! I do agree with @Laurenplusalex, if he’s not asking it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you, or he isn’t ready yet.

Also it was a little unfair that they say you’re not getting married because you’re too dependent (playing house, nagging) but also because you’re not dependent enough. Which is it?! Women can’t win.

Post # 9
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

@VaVaVoomBee:  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that! My boyfriend’s ex girlfriend was super controlling and bossy and mean… in our relationship I always tell him “you’re the boss!” and he loves it! Trust me, I don’t ACTUALLY let him boss me around, and he never would, but it’s just fun and kind of sexy. It’s just like, if we’re going out for dinner and we’ll be wondering where to go, I’ll say “it’s up to you, you’re the boss!” and he likes to feel like he’s in charge of making me happy. I really like it… he pours my glass of water every night and I act really grateful, and we’re both happy.

Post # 10
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

One more post…

I first found the Bee when I was obsessively reading articles like this… and I think they’re all the same and kind of annoying. As @Laurenplusalex said, he’s just not ready. My guy has told me flat out that he’s not ready yet, but wants to get married, and will let me know when he’s ready. I wish he was ready, but I’d rather have that response than just have NO IDEA and be relying on lists like this to tell me.

Post # 11
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Here’s mine:

1. He’s not ready (so stop pushing it)

2. You’re not ready (so stop pushing it)

3. You are not financially stable (so work at it)

4. He is NOT that in to you (realize it and move on)

5. His timeline is much different from yours. (talk about it and compromise)

6. You’re not marriage material (work at it or move on)

7. He’s not marriage material (he doesn’t want it, so why should you?)

8. His family or your family are not ready (it really does make a big difference)

9. You’re young. (age is more than just a number. let it go and live your life.)

10. Your relationship is young (so stop pushing it)

Post # 12
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that article is weird. If you’re wondering why your partner won’t propose.. just ask them.

Flame me if you like.. but if you can’t figure out what the hold up is, and are relying on articles to give you some hints, maybe your relationship isn’t ready for marriage. I just don’t see why you wouldn’t already know/couldn’t have an open conversation about it. 

Post # 13
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ohmybears48:  Yup, I was just about to come on here and add your #2 to the list in the above article. I think guys have a sixth sense when it comes to assessing whether YOU are ready or not. For example, mine is ready but is waiting until I finish school this summer. It’s very fair as school is a miserable point in my life right now, and I don’t want to be jaded from it AND engaged/planning a celebration. I work best with goals one at a time, and my SO can see that.

I don’t like how the article above viewed women as property. I mean, “Must ascertain relative value” – really?

Post # 14
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@sanjessica:  This is always how I feel too. I was ready to get married, and I wanted to make sure my Fiance and I were on the same page and had similar timelines, so we talked about it and got engaged a few weeks later. Results may vary, sure, but the only person who can stand up for your position is you.

Post # 15
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Neetch:  Agreed. I really think if you can’t have an open conversation about it, you’re not ready. It doesn’t make sense to me. Communication is absolutely integral to the success of any relationship.. so if you can’t even talk about something like that, obviously there’s something missing. You need to work on your communication before you work on the ring. 

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