(Closed) 10 weeks pregnant and arguing with my husband. Feeling miserable.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

marylin:  Well first off, congrats on your pregnancy, I know this stage is hard. That being said, your husband isn’t being very kind. “This is what you wanted” is not the best way to respind to a pregnant woman’s complaints. I know men don’t always fully understand how miserable it can feel, but jeez…

Post # 3
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

marylin:  Oh dear, your husband is really not being understanding 🙁 I felt exactly the same as you in week 10, it was the worst week for nausea and all I could do was come come, curl up and sleep. I did have a few arguments with my husband during that time simply because of the hormons and him trying to help me rationally when all I needed was emotional support. It really helped our relationship for me to send him some articles on pregnancy from a Dad’s point of view. Try sending him some articles? 

In the first trimester I didn’t cook at all, my husband did all the cooking and I was in bed every  night at 8.30 and then up in the morning throwing up in the toilet before work. Our sex life temporarily went out the window .. we had sex about once a week to once every 2 weeks and when I gave him oral sex I threw up right after. My husband was supportive of that and laughed kindly.. so that part didn’t matter. I think your husband really needs to read up on some articles about pregnancy and realize how difficult and different this time is and that he should be supporting you.. 

Post # 4
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

marylin:  Also there is no way I would have gone out for dinner voluntarily in the first 3 months of pregnancy.. the one time I went out for dinner was with my husband’s boss and I was sooo tired I felt like I had flu. We also had opera tickets and I spent the whole event with my head on my husband’s shoulder asleep. Your husband needs to understand that this is temporary and totally normal and it’s like you have a terrible flu.. he cannot expect you to just ”put up with it..” :S My husband couldn’t empathize but he definitely sympathized and it doesn’t sound like your husband is doing that.. I hope things get better!!

Post # 5
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Prhaps the two of you would benefit from some marriage counseling? It seems like you are not communicating very well with each other and doing a very good job of seeing things from the other’s perspective. A small number of sessions may halp you improve your communication skills, which will only help you in co-parenting. It just gets harder from here, so I encourage bpoth of you to develop skills now that will help you both now and later on.

Post # 6
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

marylin:  first, congrats and second the first trimester is very hard. And so is the last. 

Your husband is not being very supportive or understanding. Even though he already has a child, maybe his ex didnt have it rough like you did. Every pregnancy is different so maybe thats where the disconnect is. 

I would sit down with him and explain this to him. Hopefully your second trimester is better. I had a terrible first trimester, and once 14-16 weejs came around my energy level was through the roof! 

Post # 9
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your husband is acting like a real jerk! WTF is wrong with him? He may be ambivalent about children, but he still loves YOU and you are not feeling well right now. Could he spend five seconds pretending like he cares about you?

I think you guys should consider counseling. Your husband seems to have a lot of resentment about the baby. There won’t be time/money to get that sorted out after the baby is born, so it’s best to do it now. 

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I hope you feel better soon and you guys figure it out. Keep us updated! *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry this is happening to you bee! I definitely agree with pp that marriage counselling might work, it seems you both need to learn how to communicate a little better. He is definitely not being very understanding however, pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park and of course your emotions are going to be all over the place. *hugs*

Post # 11
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Maybe he needs to be drawn into the pregnancy a bit more. A lot of guys get weirdly dickish when a problem comes up that they can’t fix. Your hub may think he can’t really do anything about you feeling sick. And he may be pretty clueless about how he should be helping you. Are there any good pregnancy books that cover both what is happening to mom’s body AND what are the supportive roles and responsibilities dad needs to take? Moms-to-be will hopefully weigh in, since I’m not reading those kinds of books right now. Maybe if you two read together every night, and he gets some education about the physical changes you’re going through, and guidance as to how he could be supporting you, he will step his game up. Right now he sounds like a jerk and a half – though, it’s also on you not to let resentment build up and then burst out at an inappropriate time.

Post # 12
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

marylin:  I agree with PPs on counseling ASAP. With a male therapist if your husband is going to be resistant to a female – just an assumption, but I doubt he’ll take well to a woman telling him to be nicer to his pregnant wife. 

Is the rest of your life going to be “You wanted this” every time you need help with your child? Every time you want him to stand up as a parent?

Post # 14
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

marylin:  Thinking of you!! It might be a hematoma – I had one in my first trimester and although I didn’t bleed they said bleeding with a hematoma can be very common. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Regarding the disagreements with your husband, it might just be a case of having multiple discussions and reminders about the different ways the two of you communicate, and meeting in the middle. One thing that really helped my husband and I was the Myers Briggs personality test and personality type analysis. It gives you a psychological analysis of yourself and of your partner and your potential communication pitfalls. It was spot on for us and a cheaper alternative to counselling!!

Post # 15
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

Firstly I’m sorry to hear of your little scare I know I would have been terrified too. Secondly as much as your husband saying ‘this is what you wanted’ really annoyed me I just want to say that early on in my pregnancy my fiance was very similar.  I felt miserable constantly in and out of hospital and I really didn’t feel he was involved.  I felt shut out to deal with it on my own and I was bummed by his lack of enthusiasm.  That being said I’m now at 32 weeks and he has really changed. Now that it’s almost upon us and things have been bought and planned he seems more relaxed. I also feel it is common for men to not really understand what t is like to be pregnant and feel resentful to the baby a little. Iv been told that once the baby comes it is completely different and they tend to switch on support then. It’s just so unfair. In the meantime I would turn to friends for support and explain to your partner he has to be more patient and comforting. The sex should come perhaps in the 2nd trimester but he really shouldn’t get any while he is being so cold and demanding anyway and that is a relationship thing not a pregnancy. Why should u force yourself to be uncomfortable for a man who is expecting it like he doesn’t have to give anything back. Good luck.  I’m sure you will get through this together and that when your baby arrives you will forget all about the early negativity. 

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