10 year anniversary

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

cara93 :  Have you tried asking him that question?

Post # 4
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

Well if you don’t ask anything, you will have to wait like this and don’t know till when 

Post # 6
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cara93 :  Why are you putting your future into someone else’s hands? Just put on your big girl pants and ask him 1) does he see himself marrying you and 2) if so, what’s his general timeline (i.e. 6 months, 1 year, etc.). He can’t read your mind and it’s not fair for you to be upset when you didn’t communicate your wants with him.

 

Post # 7
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee

cara93 :  “I don’t want to look desperate.” Lol so sitting around waiting passively for a man for 10 years isn’t desperate but somehow taking control of your future and asking your partner what his intentions are is desperate???

Youre going about this all wrong 

Post # 8
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

cara93 :  getting a say in your future is not desperate. Asking him to shit or get off the pot after 10 years together is not being desperate, it’s asking for clarity. If you want to know if he wants to marry you, ask him. Making a passive aggressive comment (thanks for that) isn’t going to get you an answer and will lead to an unhealthy relationship. Him being slow is not an excuse and you need to stop creating excuses for him before you’ve even had that conversation. He’ll have his own excuses and doesn’t need your help.

How do you do it? You sit down with him and get his full attention and say ‘do you want to marry me?’ His answer will likely be ‘of course I do, you’re the love of life and some other drivel’. So the next question is ‘when? What is stopping you?’ You can tell him that you want to be married before having a kid and that you want to be engaged for a year (or however long before marriage), so he needs to start working back if he wants kids in 5 years. If he gives you BS excuses call him on it. 

Post # 10
Hostess
8546 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

cara93 :  We can’t tell you the answer and after 10 years if you feel like you can’t ask him that question maybe you aren’t on the path you think you are. 

Post # 13
Member
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I realize you were very young when you first met, but after ten ! years, four years living together and a home purchased, don’t you think the idea of a totally “surprise” proposal should have sailed? My proposal was actually a surprise, but we were older and together for less time. But I would not have moved in without a clear time line and commitment much less bought a house together.

If you want to be engaged, you need to tell him. If you think the delay is about saving for an expensive ring or wedding, you can let him know that those things are not important to you. 

Post # 14
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

If you are going to spend your lives together this will be one of the easier subjects you will have to broach–and you should broach it. You can discuss having children but not getting married? How is having an adult discussion about your shared future together ‘pressuring’ him? This is your life, too.

And many people describe ‘surprise’ differently–these friends could mean they just weren’t expecting it that day, not that they were surprised to be getting engaged.

Post # 15
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

cara93 :  no, after 10 years he’s not planning a surprise proposal. She might say it was a surprise but it’s likely they at least discussed timelines before. My proposal was a surprise because after talking a through timeline with my husband I thought it would be another 12-18 months. Sooner than expected was a surprise but we’d talked about getting married many times.

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