“When do you see us married?”
“Lets go through this (free) online premarital counseling questionnaire.”
“For how long would you want to be officially engaged”
“When do you want to look at rings?”
“Do you want to look at rings because you’re tired of me talking about rings or because you actually want to look at rings?”
“Have you thought about a ring budget? Have you thought about what kind of ring you want to wear?”
“Did you know that most wedding venues book up year in advance?”
I’ve asked my boyfriend, “Are you emotionally ready to put down a deposit on a ring? Are you psychologically ready?” (To distinguish from situations where the delay is financial.)
When I was younger, I would see all these chick flicks where the man would make an elaborate proposal and the woman would be completely shocked. Logical little me wondered, “What if I don’t like the ring?? Maybe he’ll propose at a jewelry store like that guy in Sweet Home Alabama, and I can pick my own ring!”
Silly little me.
It seems really important to you that your bf take all the initiative because it’s more romantic and you’re not “pressuring” him, but real life doesn’t look like that. I HATE the concept that the woman has to “wait” for the man to propose. That puts the man, and only the man, in charge of a joint future. That is unfathomable.
You can have frank, open discussions about marriage and still ask him to do a “formal” proposal with the ring so you can have your moment. The formal proposal can still have an element of surprise.
My bf and I have discussed prenups, wedding budgets, done online premarital counseling, and designed a ring together (we actually ripped off an Etsy ring, but you get the idea.) We’re still doing a “proposal” because it’s fun and romantic and every girl dreams of it. I’m also a bit of an Instawhore. My bf even thought of the hashtag for my ring. When my bf proposes, I’ll have my romantic moment and say yes, knowing that we’re on the same page about finances, kids, religion, division of chores, etc– all the things that might come up in a marriage.
I have at least two other friends who agreed to marry before the “proposal” happened. One of them told me that when he did the bended knee thing, she was crying, he was crying, it took her breath away (even though she knew very well he was going to propose.)
You can have it both ways. Bringing up the topic of marriage is not proposing. Talking about your joint future is not proposing. Having open communication is not proposing. Asking why he’s taking so long is not proposing, or nagging, or pressuring. It’s being a grown up in the 21st century.
Good luck, Bee! Don’t put up with any BS or excuses. We got you!