10 year anniversary

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Anyone who thought their proposal was a complete surprise is either lying or should not be getting married. And after ten years together, the idea of a surprise proposal has long since sailed. Yes, you might not know exactly when or how it will happen, but you ARE expecting it, so it isn’t a surprise.

Next, you need to sit him down and have a timeline talk. Tell him you won’t wait forever, and that if the two of you want to move forward, you will need to be married. Tell him that a wedding takes X amount of time to plan and that you want to be married within X timeframe (2 years or 5 years or whatever), and get him to agree to propose within the next X number of months. THAT’S a timeline, not this vague, “Let’s get married before children, I think within two years” even though he might not know that weddings don’t happen a month after getting engaged. 

This is YOUR future. It isn’t a fairy tale. Your boyfriend is a real man with flaws and things he doesn’t know, and he will not be perfect. So help him along with a timeline and your expectations. Don’t be a passenger in your own life.

Post # 47
Member
714 posts
Busy bee

Adding to the “I’d like to have children in 2 years” or whatever. 

Men are (in my experience) terrible at grasping in their minds how this passage of time works. They think, I’d like to have a baby probably 2 years from now. Ok great, glad that’s sorted out! All done!

They don’t think ok well realistically it takes at least a year from the time you decide “let’s have a baby” to the time you actually have a baby, assuming you conceive pretty quickly, which many people don’t. Then, oh yeah we’d like to be married first, and most people would prefer not to be dealing with pregnancy and wedding planning on top of each other, so likely get married a yearish before you want to have a baby. Then most people prefer to have approximately a year between engagement and wedding to plan. All of a sudden, wanting a baby in 2-3 years realistically looks like getting engaged pretty much now. 

I’ve seen this soooo frequently in my friend group. Obviously you can alter your timeline significantly from how I’ve laid it out, but that’s just a sort of “common” way things progress. I’ve had several male friends be like, I’d like to have a baby by the time I’m 30 and are 28 now, and I’m like….ok so you need to be moving forwards on that like yesterday buddy lol

Post # 48
Member
4064 posts
Honey bee

How long are you going to dance around the subject of marriage, dropping vague hints and oblique references? You say, “I want to be married before kids”. When is that exactly? “I dont want to wait 5 years” Well how long do you want to wait ? Do you want to wait at all? His response, “it won’t take 5 years ” just begged for a follow-up question of how long will it take, but you didn’t ask it. 

You seem to be afraid of being pushy if you ask him about the future plan of your lives. So you don’t really ask, you just meander around the subject, and surprise, surprise, all you get are vague responses devoid of any real information.  Take charge of your own life and stop being afraid already.

Post # 49
Member
6814 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

cara93 :  “I said I want to be married before starting a family, and that I don’t want to wait 5 years because he’s just slow with that kinda things. He said: It WON’T take 5 years.

And that’s it. Pfff.”

Hang on. Was that the end of the conversation? Because to me that sounds more like the BEGINNING of a conversation. Where did it go from there? Did you discuss a timeline? When you’d like to get engaged? When you’d like to start a family? Have a wedding? You still seem to be going about this whole thing in a very passive way. Why are you so afraid of actually talking to your bf and telling him what you’re actually feeling?

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