Post # 1
I dated my high school sweetheart for eight years before I called it quits when I was 25 years old. I broke up because he was underemployed and not motivated and I thought he did not want to get married. We had no contact for 3 years and I was miserable. I got back together when I was 28 and I even moved to be closer to him. We have been together for 6 years for a total of 14 years! There is NO talk of marriage unless when I mention it and I am overly emotional about it. I want to marry him, I want to start a family with him but he’s still underemployed and has zero motivation. I can’t manage to tell him why I want to get married without being emotional because I’m so frustrated. I’ve been contemplating moving on but I really want him for the longrun! He has such great attributes but I fear that emotionally he’s in a bad place. He might be depressed but even bringing that up is an argument. Please give me some advice. I’ve done the ultimatum – no results! I feel like I’m settling because I’m letting him determine our future. But at the same time I love being with him…so confused!
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but I’m confused. Are you waiting for him to change? You already left him for 3 years and he didn’t change, why would it ever happen now after all this time? The only person you have control over is YOU. You can’t blame him for not chomping at the bit to get a great job and marry you when this has gone on the entire time you’ve been together. I fear that ship has sailed.
Post # 4
I think the mistake here is thinking that he would change.
If he was uneremployed and had zero motivation, and is STILL underemployed and has zero motivation. He will ALWAYS be underemployed with zero motivation.
If you’ve played the ultimatum card and not followed through, he isn’t taking you seriously and you’ve lost all your power. You can walk, you can propose, or you can stay and continue to do nothing. But a man who has zero motivation doesn’t sound like the kind of guy i’d want to procreate with.
Post # 5
Here is what I got from your post: zero motivation, depression, starts arguments when you voice your concerns, hasn’t changed.
Sounds like you need to trust your instincts and move on. I know you’ve put a lot of time into this relationship and it’s probably making you stick around, but don’t.
Post # 6
@morena5277: A person has to want to change for themselves. People change for a 3 month period than go back to their usual selves. My best advice and from the tone of this is a woman that is in love however feels helpless that the man she loves will not provide for her and their future family. If he didn’t do it while you were in h.s. he will never do it unless the cards are set out