(Closed) 10+ years and waiting -frustrated and becoming bitter:-(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m sorry, but I’m confused. Are you waiting for him to change? You already left him for 3 years and he didn’t change, why would it ever happen now after all this time? The only person you have control over is YOU. You can’t blame him for not chomping at the bit to get a great job and marry you when this has gone on the entire time you’ve been together. I fear that ship has sailed.

Post # 4
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the mistake here is thinking that he would change.

If he was uneremployed and had zero motivation, and is STILL underemployed and has zero motivation. He will ALWAYS be underemployed with zero motivation.

If you’ve played the ultimatum card and not followed through, he isn’t taking you seriously and you’ve lost all your power. You can walk, you can propose, or you can stay and continue to do nothing. But a man who has zero motivation doesn’t sound like the kind of guy i’d want to procreate with.

Post # 5
27 posts

Here is what I got from your post:  zero motivation, depression, starts arguments when you voice your concerns, hasn’t changed.


Sounds like you need to trust your instincts and move on.  I know you’ve put a lot of time into this relationship and it’s probably making you stick around, but don’t.  

Post # 6
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@morena5277: A person has to want to change for themselves. People change for a 3 month period than go back to their usual selves. My best advice and from the tone of this is a woman that is in love however feels helpless that the man she loves will not provide for her and their future family.   If he didn’t do it while you were in h.s. he will never do it unless the cards are set out

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