10 years together, no proposal. Now engaged to a new man after 6 months.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

Really love your post & contribution to help waiting Bees understand there could be hope, and empower them to take charge of their destinies.

Thanks for sharing — and congrats!

Post # 17
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know why you’re getting so much flack. It’s AWESOME that you gathered the strength to leave your ex and leaned on your family for support during that time. Isn’t that the exact advice we give to women in bad relationships who are afraid to leave due to financial reasons? So she does this and now is getting side eye from some bees because “not everyone can turn to their parents”? ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

As to getting engaged after 6 months… it’s on the early side but no one here knows their relationship and can say with any authority that OP made the wrong decision. Plenty of people get engaged fast and it works out, while others take years and still break up. OP, congrats on your engagement. I hope other bees in dead end relationships see your story and it helps motivate them to move on!

ETA: And I LOVE the story about how you finally decided to break up after overhearing a man in a restaurant talk excitedly about his fiance. Every breakup I’ve been through was  sparked by a moment like that…something seemingly inconsequential that finally gave me the “aha!” moment I needed to put my damn self first and move on!

Post # 18
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Congratulations, bee!!!  I wish you and your fi nothing but the very best.

 

Post # 20
Member
10133 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
lilymay31 :  

As an anonymous source says:

–One man’s “I’m not ready is another man’s “I knew the second I saw her”.

Post # 21
Member
10133 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
lilymay31 :  

I’m glad you didn’t fall for any attempts to win you back.  Women so often do.  If the guy was an asshole, you can bet his attempts to recapture you are ego driven.  It’s not about love.  That’s why these relationships usually fail anyway.

Post # 22
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

How long between ending the 10 year relationship and starting the 6 month relationship that ended in engagement?  There’s really no “right” amount of time to heal but as someone who ended  up in a rebound marriage, it’s important to take time to fully heal.  even if you’re very happy with you new husband, that old baggage can come back to haunt you. 

you should be very proud for getting out of that relationship, I can’t imagine how difficult that was!  

 

Post # 23
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
lilymay31 :  I wouldn’t worry about PPs saying it’s too soon. My husband proposed after 10 months, but we knew we were ready and he knew he was going to propose by 4 months. Some people don’t need years to know. I would never wait years for someone to decide I’m the one. 

Post # 24
Member
2017 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
lilymay31 :  He just couldn’t believe I would actually leave him.

You just COULDN’T continue to let him keep his options open could you?  How dare you leave first ……and before his “something better” came along!   You, you EGO BRUISER!!!

End sarcasm.

There’s a lot of frustrated waiting bees out there with SO’s who feel pretty damn confident their girlfriends aren’t going anywhere.  Hats off to you OP for realizing you were worth having a man that was excited to marry you!

Post # 25
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Las Vegas

I’m going to say something that may be a bit against the grain of this board.

I basically did everything, minus a kid, with my now fiancé before we got engaged. We got together when we were 18, and spent 9 years in LDR due to life (school and military for him, job opportunities for me). We closed the distance 4 years ago, and lived together since. Got a cat together, joined finances, and basically meshed our lives together. We never had an intentional talk that doing those things were us taking steps to be married. Things that this board warns about, I did.

We got engaged this Valentine’s, after 13 years together. This was after a discussion where there was an understanding between us that I would not move with him as a girlfriend if the military posted him elsewhere. Prior to this, marriage was always a “someday” kind of thing. We talked about getting married before, but never really set a firm timeline until the topic of potentially moving because of the military came up.

Obviously, if the guy isn’t interested, it’s a waste of time. But I’m just putting my story out there to show another point of view. 

Post # 26
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Congrats on your egagement and good luck with planning! ๐Ÿ™‚ Wishing you the best.

Post # 27
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

Yes! I had the same experience. Although, my ex husband “finally” married me after 10+ years, I met someone who was beyond perfect for me and everything fell into place and we were engaged within 6 months. No rushing. Was single for years and I actually swore off relationships until we met. It was just right. The right person is out there for everyone. 

Post # 28
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

Congrats, love these stories. I never “waited” but I was engaged previously and called it off.  My husband and I got engaged after 5.5 months and we were not acquaintances. Still happy 3 years into marriage with a 2YO daughter. 

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