Post # 1
Ugh, this is just a vent.
When I first started planning, our guest list was about 120 people. I’ve been asking for FMIL’s guest list ever since Fiance and I were first engaged. We’ve slowly been adding people she’s mentioning, bringing the count up to 170. 2 months later, she gives the final list to Fiance to send to me, and it seems like she’s inviting EVERY friend she knows. Total is now 217. My parents are inviting about 6-8 of their friends, but his mom is adding over 40!
I look at the list, and I’m so overwhelmed. I call Fiance and ask him what’s the deal with all these names I’ve never heard of, and he says they’re all family friends that he knows on SOME level. For example, she wants to invite an entire family that Fiance has seen twice in his life. I am super disgruntled, and ask, “Is it really necessary? Can’t we just invite the parents of each family etc.?” And he says no, we have to invite everyone there, because it would be a punch in the face to not invite everyone else.
Fiance just went to a wedding with over 300 people (to which I was not invited, even though we’ve been dating 5 years and are engaged). As we’re talking, he tells me that 300 is normal size for a wedding. Where does he get these ideas?! At this rate, we’re not going to be able to afford the venue that he fell in love with.
Talking to him doesn’t seem to help. I think his mom must be inflexible about this because of how adamant he is about it as well. I want to talk with them when they get home from out of town. At the end of it all, I know in the end it’s just about two people getting married… And thinking about that makes me much happier. I just am having trouble letting go of my vision. BLEH.
Anyone else experience guest list inflation? What do you do about it? Should I just suck it up? order cheap and crappy food? resign myself to compromising on all the other costs? Got any other tips for budget brides and cutting expenses?
Post # 3
just because you invite people doesnt mean they will come.. out of 270. 150 showed to mine. do sheet cakes for your guests and a simple two tier cake for you to slice. pick flowers that r inseason and affordable. do lots of diy things if you r crafty. (use micheals coupons joanns couplons hobby lobby. ask caterer for cheaper cuts of meats.( we saved 5 dollars a head for flank steak then the tri tip steak)
Post # 4
I had the same issue with my Mother-In-Law. She wanted to invite people I’d never met and my Darling Husband couldn’t even tell me who they were. The venue we chose only fit 160 people so she took it upon herself to look up other location venues the held more people. Also she determined her list depending on how good of a gift people would give us. Wtf. Eventually we had to put our foot down and let her know what was up. (DH had to have a talk with her) It’s YOUR wedding, it’s about you and your Fiance so you should have control over your guest list. If you don’t want to invite people you don’t know, then don’t! Do you really want to eat crappy food at your wedding and have to figure out other ways to cut costs? Probably not. Should you be forced to because your Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite everyone she’s ever met? No way!! Good luck!
Post # 5
Are you guys paying for the wedding or are his parents? If it’s you, you have every right to make them cut down the list (though putting a cap on it in the first place would have helped, but hindsight is 20/20). Tell them straight up that you cannot afford that many people, especially people that you don’t even know. If they’re paying for it, nothing you can do.
Post # 6
Decide your budget first- no matter who is paying or contributing. Then make all other decisions aound the set budget.
Post # 7
@asianyoushi: Yes; I am using the 80% statistic to estimate attendance, which means apprx. 175 will come. But I am hoping it’s more like 66% because I would love 140! The sheet cake idea is great! I am totally willing to compromise on that. Thanks for all the tips 🙂
@vorpalette: We are so grateful to have help from my dad and the IL’s. That’s why I don’t want to push the Future Mother-In-Law to cut the list too much and I’m looking at ways to save as much as I can.
Thank you everyone for this 🙂 I know we’ll work out costs somehow, and I am almost looking forward to meeting all these people that have “loved us from afar” through Future Mother-In-Law.