(Closed) 1:13 chance for Down Syndrome. Advice Please

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
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8499 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

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megm1099 :  not to be a bitch, but guilting OP into keeping a baby when she may not want to is shitty. It’s her life, her body, her choice.

Post # 47
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3926 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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Westwood :  seriously. “You knew the risks, getting pregnant when you’re older.” Is that the new version of “you knew you could get pregnant when you had sex, so you have to have the baby” ? Not cool πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

Post # 48
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4451 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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trekstar :  I’m so glad the genetic counsellor helped you feel better! What a scary thing to hear, and I’m so sorry you’re in the thick of it.

I’m Canadian too, and I couldn’t agree more with you about how ridiculous it is that the level of testing offered as part of our healthcare system is merely a screening test (with a HIGH instance of false positives). A lot of women and families simply don’t have $500 to pay for genetic testing that is more conclusive, and realistically if those women are having children with disabilities and can’t afford a $500 test, how do people expect them to afford the care that child may need?

Please keep us updated, I really wish you all the best.

Post # 49
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227 posts
Helper bee

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amanda1988 :  Although I’m not positive (I didn’t pursue the line of questioning after that initial answer) I think that insurance wouldn’t have covered any additional testing/treatment/counseling I might require for any condition during the pregnancy. I don’t believe that it would have affected our baby once born but … who knows with insurance. 

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trekstar :  Glad you had a good meeting with the genetic counselor! Wishing you all the best.

Post # 50
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2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Westwood :  That’s not what I meant at all πŸ™ I’m trying to make her feel better! It’s a tough time for anyone. 

And seriously, starting anything with “not to be a bitch” is a dead giveaway that you’re about to be a bitch.

Post # 51
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1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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megm1099 :  I understood you bee,  you were telling her it’s okay to have  the baby if she wants and that down syndrome doesn’t mean the baby needs to aborted like a lot of bees were saying.  I think it’s good when we have so many different ideas here on the bee. 

Post # 52
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2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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anabolina :  Thank you πŸ™‚ 

Post # 53
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3293 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

<u>megm1099 :</u>  Your post came across as saying that what the OP was facing wasn’t a ‘good enough’ reason to terminate.

A lot of the pro choice bees here will feel as I do that there is not such things as a reason being ‘good enough’. It is her choice and her life, what ever reason she has for either continuing or not continuing with a pregnancy is ‘good enough’.

Post # 54
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3926 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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megm1099 :  how is saying “You knew the risks, getting pregnant when older” supposed to be helpful? Honest question. I know the risk of getting in a car accident when I drive to work, but I still don’t want it to happen. It very much sounds like you’re implying that “you knew this could happen so you shouldn’t back out now.” How else should I interpret this – again, asking sincerely?

This is striking close to home because I am currently waiting to get NIPT done on our fetus – we are 35 and 45 and obviously higher risk. Just because we are aware of our higher risk category does not mean we automatically plan to have a baby with a genetic condition. DS children and adults are wonderful in so many ways, but it also a big commitment. Especially for an older parent, I can see how it’d be very hard to worry about what will happen to your child once you are gone, if they’re on the more extreme end of the spectrum. 

Post # 55
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

KittyYogi :   I’m pro-choice myself πŸ™ You guys are being unreasonable. I just have personal experience in the area and I know a very successful Downs child. I just wanted to weigh in, that’s all. I hardly think it’s fair to compare getting pregnant to a car wreck. Pregnancy is a beautiful and unique thing. 

Please drop the politics. This woman is in pain and we are here for her, not to push her into or out of the possibility of having an abortion.

Post # 56
Member
3926 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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megm1099 :  unreasonable? Maybe you misread my post? I was just asking what you meant by that phrase, if it wasn’t my and other bees’ interpretation. But if you don’t want to elaborate that’s fine. 

I agree that just being supportive of OP as she’s figuring all this out should be everyone’s goal. I definitely don’t see anyone trying to push her into an abortion (???!).

edit – I know a great kid with DS too. That said, if my testing comes back positive, I guarantee it will feel like getting in an emotional car accident. If that’s not your perspective, that’s great, everyone is different – but my own personal perspective is not “unfair”. I think most parents would want their child to have every possible advantage in life, including at a chromosomal level. That is why the OP is upset at the possible diagnosis. 

Post # 57
Member
8499 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

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megm1099 :  That’s fine with me then, if saying she has choices makes me a bitch.

I’m about to TTC my second child at 35, does that make me “not a mom” if I decided to terminate a fetus with genetic abnormalities? Because I knew the risks of having a baby older I shouldn’t have choices???

Your post sure as hell wouldn’t have made me “feel better” if it was me in this situation.

That’s great you know a child with Down Syndrome that is successful, but the reality is it can be a very hard life with a lot of struggles for both the child and family.

Post # 58
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Well, I’m sorry that I hurt anyone or in any way offended. Clearly I am terrible at giving any sort of advice, so I’ll be quiet. But truly, OP, I wish you the best! The other bees here in this post clearly can take care of you and give you sufficient advice <3

Post # 60
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

This is such a personal decision.

From my perspective, having grown up with a sibling who is developmentally delayed and disabled (a DS child would be higher functioning than my sister) and seeing what my parents have gone through trying to care for a special needs child I would want to look into this more and I personally would consider terminating the pregnancy. Although I cannot imagine my life without my sister, I do not wish to experience the pain my parents have gone through.

My SO, on the other hand, also had a special needs sibling who has since passed away. He has already stated he is willing to embrace having a special needs child in the future and I expect this will be a point of contention in our relationship if we are ever faced with what you are currently facing.

My response probably wasn’t helpful but the bottom line is I think it’s super personal but that you shouldn’t feel guilty about whatever decision you make.

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