(Closed) 11yrs (going on 12yrs) together. And still no commitment.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Hostess
10429 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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anonp :  please look up the “sunk cost fallacy” and move on with your life. It doesn’t sound like this will ever lead to marriage. I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 32
Member
2341 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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anonp :  I have not read your previous posts, or most of the comments on this thread but honestly, I don’t blame your boyfriend for not proposing. You support your toxic parents and allow them to control your life, there’s no way in hell I’d marry someone who was in that type of situation.

I think you have a lot of issues to sort out with yourself and your family dynamic, if I were you that would be my priority, not a proposal. 

Post # 33
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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anonp :  Trust me, I understand your situation. When I was 19 I lived with my mom, my brother was in college and only came home during the summers. I worked and went to school full time and paid the bills, and my mom depended on me emotionally, physically, and financially. There were times when she wouldn’t leave the house for weeks on end. I bought groceries, cleaned the house, and paid bills. All she did was complain and take care of the dog. We also had several strangers living with us and I was sharing a bathroom with three grown men and my bedroom with a 35 year old woman, all of whom my mother met online. Moving out was hard. I found a place, put down a deposit, and left. I told her the night before. She cried. It took multiple trips. My first place was not as comfortable as my mom’s house. But it was worth it a million times over and I would do it all again.

 

I understand your concern for your parents but that is not your responsibility. Your life cannot move forward with you living in the past. They will survive without you. My mom has had some bad luck with money, jobs, landlords, and partners, most of which stem from her making bad decisions. But I cant make those decisions for her. She would have made them with or without me and the only difference would be that I would be tied to her.

 

Post # 35
Member
5464 posts
Bee Keeper

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anonp :  You’re not getting it. Everything is not going to “fall into place”. You have to put it there. This takes effort, which you seem unwilling to expend.

Just do it already. 

Post # 37
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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anonp : There you go again refusing to take control of your life by using cliche statements that actually have more meaning behind them. If you are unemployed and stay at home all day and never look for a job or interact with anyone do you think something is going to magically “fall into place” and someone somehow, some way will just show up at your door with a job laid out for you? Talking to a brick wall is more worthwhile than continuing to try give you advice. Wait 15, 20, 30 more years for what you want.  At some point things will magically change with no effort on your part. I think that’s what you want to hear. 

Post # 39
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Your living situation needs to change and i think you know that. Tell your parents you are moving out and if they cannot afford the house the offer to help sell it and find them another place to live. Your parents are depending to much on you and it seems like you think its your duty to take care of them. You guys aee all adults andcan survive on your own terms.

As for your relationship. It doesn’t seem healthy. You’ve posted about him multiple times in the past and nothing seems to have change and marriage will not make this better. 

I think your scared to put your foot down but i think it’s what you need to get your life together. Don’t be scared to push for what you want. You’ll be happier in the long run. 

Good luck bee! 

Post # 40
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Take a shot of whiskey, tell your parents you’re moving out so they need to sell the house and find a new place to rent, dump your non-committal boyfriend, and find a new path in life.  Do all of that within 1 hour.  Rip off the bandaid and get going.

We ALLOW toxic people to stay in our lives.  They don’t just find you and pin you down.

Post # 41
Member
5244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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anonp :  Of course things are gooing to all into place. Why wouldn’t they?! Whether it be I fall in love with someone else, finally be happy and content. Of course things are going to fall into place. 

Why woudldn’t they?  Because people generally don’t “fall” into a happy and content life.  They make decisions and they work hard to get there.  

Post # 42
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

 

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anonp :  Do your best and it will.

Post # 44
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Girl what are you doing?! Take charge of your own damn life.

Post # 45
Member
9260 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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anonp :  Thanks for updating, bee. Did you move out of your parents’ place? Or any other changes?

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