12 days off our 1st wedding anniversary and he threw a phone in my face

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Counseling. Maybe he needs to move out? 

Post # 3
4473 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh boy.  This to me is a dealbreaker no matter what.  I’m sorry.

Post # 4
7061 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Kick him out. I would also report him to HR since this incident happened at work. This is a dealbreaker for me, I’d be done.

Post # 5
4156 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Um…. i would say run… but I dont like telling people to get divorced.. so I will suggest you try therapy first. Together and some for him on his own too. Im sure there was something building up that lead to the outburst.. so he needs to addresse that. And he needs to appologize. If it happens again then leave. 

Post # 6
1031 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry, Bee, but I think you’re right, this is a marriage-ending move. I’m astounded that he doesn’t feel remorse that he could have smashed your face. Staying at this point will signal to him that telling you to f**k off and becoming violent is acceptable behavior when he is angry. I would definitely ask him to move out or move out yourself to get some clarity.

Post # 7
1057 posts
Bumble bee

Take it from me, as a woman who had a man (my ex husband) start by throwing objects, then by throwing punches, therapy will not help.

He just planted multiple seeds- (1) that he has physical domain over you (2) he will wait and see how you ‘retaliate’ after he just asserted himself in that aggressive manor. Your reaction here will be the difference maker, and my suggestion is divorce papers. If you bend, at all, you have shown him just what he can get away with. He will push that line you draw further and further until “throwing a phone” doesn’t seem so bad.

ETA: don’t be surprised if he promises to never do it again and becomes the nicest, most caring person in the world (for a while) until he does it again…

Post # 8
1023 posts
Bumble bee

Actually, therapy is NOT recommended for situations where one spouse is abusive.  What he did to you was both abusive and violent. I think you are right to consider this the end of the relationship. 

I’m very sorry this is happening to you. If you want someone to talk to, the National Domestic Violence hotline is there for you. I also recommend circling family and friends around you, staying with them or having them stay with you if needed, and talking to a lawyer ASAP to see what the best way is to handle things–both in terms of safely leaving and handling the complicated situation at work. 

Stay safe, OP. 

Post # 9
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think you need to get to a lawyer ASAP to see about what steps you need to take to keep your business and draft divorce papers. I would pack necessities and get out tonight. Crash on a friend’s couch if nothing else.

This behavior is NEVER ok. And it is, like PP said, just the start. The ball is in your court. Don’t stick around to see what is next. Trust me.

Post # 11
1403 posts
Bumble bee

I would absolutely go no contact, get him to move out if I could, move out myself if I couldn’t, and file divorce papers. The fact that he doesn’t seem to feel remorse is just a bonus. The fact is that he THREW A PHONE AT YOUR HEAD. He didn’t know you were going to move in time to avoid it. He intended to hurt you. It wouldn’t change a thing if he immediately felt (or seemed to feel) remorse and begged forgiveness. He’s crossed that line, and is now more likely to cross it in the future. 

Besides, he’s shown you that his idea of “love” can involve seriously hurting his partner. Is that the kind of love you want?

Post # 13
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Lawyer up!! 

Put you and your daughter first! Good luck bee. =(

Post # 14
991 posts
Busy bee

I would not tolerate abuse and that is def abuse. If he did that, just think what else he is capable of. You said you werent afraid of him, maybe you should be and put up a guard for protection. I would pack everything, get out as fast as I could and seek legal counsel. Nobody deserves that Bee.

Post # 15
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It’s interesting that some people would jump straight into suggesting getting a divorce given that OP noted that “hes never been violent or aggressive before” Granted that his behaviour is inexcusable, I would suggest that the first step would be to get individually or couples counselling to explore what happened, other issues in the relationship, explore his actions, anger management, possible mental health issue and to decide if it’s time to move on from the relationship or it’s something you two can salvage. I also suggest creating a safe plan in case you don’t feel safe in the home, or if the behaviour repeats itself a home. Have a few things packed up that are important, a few numbers to call if you need to leave the house in an emergency. OP, check with HR to see if there’s a program that offers counselling to employees and you could possibly be able to speak with a counselor today to discuss the next step or look into calling a women’s helpline in your area for emotional support, crisis counseling, creating a safety plan and information for counselling.

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