12 days off our 1st wedding anniversary and he threw a phone in my face

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

westafricanlove :  He doesn’t show ANY remorse. How can you live with someone who isn’t sorry or aware of the damage he could of caused?

Post # 17
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

westafricanlove :  it’s cause it’s an easy thing to say when it’s not your life and you dont love the person…

As a child of divorce I fucking hate divorce and I would litterally try anything before I consider divorce.

Post # 18
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

monsterly :  I didn’t say she must live with him. In my post, I discussed safety planning if she doesn’t feel safe with him. So clearly, I didn’t say she has to be in the house with him. My post discussed exploring other options before jumping straight into filing for a divorce as the first step.

Post # 19
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 24 2017

From my knowledge of relationships (I’ve done a lot of research and read what professionals have to say) when people act suddenly out of the norm, there is something else going on that you don’t know about, for example, someone else. I’m not saying that’s what it is, but it’s an example. As you have to go home, at least for your children, could you possible take the first step by calling him or writing an email to him and CALMLY try to come up with a solution for your immediate situation (don’t go into what happened today, it will just make things blow up). Say something along the lines of “We live together. What can we do right now about that because we obviously aren’t going to do well being in the same space.” Start your problem-solving and then once you have that figured out, then figure out what to do with your relationship. Your children and their safety come first, not your marriage or how he feels about you on social media. 

Post # 20
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You need to lawyer up and leave his ass. If you have to walk away from the business, then he needs to buy you out. 

Post # 21
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

bichonbabies :  Obviously this is completely horrible, but if it really is the first time he’s behaved like this, could it be that something is wrong with him physically? Certain kinds of brain diseases/tumours whatnot can cause angry outbursts – just a thought…

Post # 22
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Throwing a phone or anything else is a form of abuse. That phone had 50% chance of connecting with your face luckily it didn’t BUT if it did he would be in jail. I say file a police report, and get away from him. Don’t give him a second chance.

Post # 23
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow! You are a better person than me -if my husband ever threw something to hit me…  I could’ve not held it together like you did.  That is so disrespectful and abusive.  I suggest -bare minimum-that you take your daughter and go to a hotel.  I understand that you’re not scared of him but I believe that would make your point clear that this behavior is what made the huge turn in your relationship.  Let him unfriend you and let him wonder what’s going on. He will have to communicate about your daughter  and you can take a break before u make plans to leave.  Is it a situation where you guys can work side-by-side but do not want to be together anymore? If so, then hopefully you just need to find an apartment… Best of luck to you

Post # 24
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

Brittney Neff :  what your saying sounds nice but I worry that is essentially giving him a heads up that she wants to leave the house…which you don’t typically do when leaving an abusive situation. 

Post # 25
Member
9684 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

westafricanlove :  So exactly how many violent incidents should a woman stick with her SO through before it’s acceptable to leave?

It’s a completely valid choice to not tolerate even one violent outburst from your partner. Every case of domestic abuse starts with a first time. No has to accept that type of behavior or help their violent partner figure thier shit out. Hell, yes he should get counseling but she doesn’t have to hold his hand through it.

Post # 26
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 24 2017

Peachytalk :  I would normally agree, but she’s stated that he’s never been aggressive before and if you don’t start somewhere then where do you start? Talking in-person doesn’t seem like an option. Going home with him and the kids there doesn’t seem great (if he IS aggressive and gets violent, then she’s alone in a house with him), and I don’t think she wants to sleep at her desk. He has already planted the seed of “this is over” with the behavior he has exhibited and un-friending her on social media. Trying to communicate with him from a safe distance is her best option, in my humble opinion :/

 

A lot of these conversations (while attempting to be helpful and supportive) are running before they can walk; before she can decide what she wants to do in her relationship, she needs to figure out what is happening in this moment. The smaller picture needs to be solved, then the bigger picture analyzed. 

Post # 27
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

ana2017 :  As a woman who has been in an abusive marriage, I would divorce 100 times over then go through abuse again, or worse yet expose my child to it. 

Post # 29
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

First of all report it to your HR before he says something to them. Next, I would take your daughter and leave to a hotel. Contact a lawyer first thing in the morning. It’s over and he’s made it clear even if you want to work through it – he isn’t going to want to. You need to do these things before he does. I would go as far as filing a police report. The house may be in his name but they can make him leave because it’s your residence also and he commited an act of violence. I would be the one to leave though – you don’t want him to know where you are. But still file a police report. You need ALL of the documentation you can get for when you take him to court. You may feel safe but you aren’t. He wanted to hurt you and his reaction says he wouldn’t hesitate to do it again and not miss. 

Post # 30
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

Brittney Neff :  I think we agree actually as I also agree talking should not be in person any longer

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