- 5 years ago
I am very new here and I hope to be able to find women to relate to on these boards! Everyone needs to give and get some support and I thought that this site seemed like a safe place to plant myself.
Well, the title couldn’t have been put any other way. I have HONESTLY had 12 friends on Facebook get engaged in the past month. Congratulations to them, right?! Well, yes… now watch me delete my Facebook account and go through a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s!
I have been so jealous because my boyfriend ( I have known him for two years and we have dated for over 10 months) can’t even stand talking about our future anymore. We actually used to talk about our future together all of the time. In fact, around 7 months together he discussed with me if he could ask my father in August ( this past August) for my hand in marriage. We even looked at rings and discussed when we would want to get married during the summer.
So, this got me so excited and very VERY sure that he was serious. I found out a month later ( without him even telling me) that he had changed his mind. Ok, what!? We talked (argued) over where we both stood at that point since he hadn’t seemed to be very clear about that before. We managed to move on from there and continue to grow our relationship…until a month ago.
He all of a sudden decided to take a week away from me ( no talking or anything) without even letting me know what was going on, to spend some time alone with God and to see if he was going the right direction with his life We are both very serious about our Christian faith and we both support each other, but this was horrible. I could understand if we both had agreed to take a week from each other to focus and figure out if we were heading the right direction. But, he decided this on his own and told me through text. This obviously tore me to bits the first two days, but I managed to hang on and realise that I still loved him unconditionally and tried to forgive him. We both met up with our pastor and his wife and we talked about where we felt we were being led. I still felt led to be with him ( I feel like we are supposed to marry eventually, too) and he agreed, after 3 hours of intense discussion.
I found out that for the past few months HE had felt pressured by ME to get engaged!!! This was a shock, because the only reason I would ever discuss it is because he would bring it up. He also started to bring out many other things that I had done in the past months that bothered him that he had NEVER told me about until that night.
To make this shorter, we agreed that night to wait until December ( once he graduates from college) to talk about wether we feel called to marry each other. I have been hurting terribly, because I want to say that I am almost positive that he is the man I am supposed to be with, but he is very unsure now. I never mention engagement, marriage, or anything having to deal with the future to him, just to make sure that I am not pressuring him. I hurt as I see all of my friends getting engaged, long after my boyfriend had promised to propose to me. I am almost angry with him still, even though I am really trying to forgive him. I love him VERY much and I just wish I could know if he loves me as much? I cry pretty often because this has been very hard for me to deal with.
I am 20 and he is 23!