(Closed) 12 friends have gotten engaged ( In The Past MONTH) and I am still WAITING!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Okay. 12 is insane! I mean… I thought spring was the season of amore.

But I digress. I’m sure all the bees will be wondering about your ages, so it’d be good to add that to the bottom of your post.

I believe that if two people are meant to be together, that doesn’t mean they are not going to have troubles. There will always be troubles, especially learning to adjust to one another.

I (and probably other bees) think you need to have a serious discussion with God. If you are feeling like you are meant to be with this man, then ask God to lead and change you. Until you two become one through marriage, you should be your main concern. Not saying don’t pray for  him, just be certain you are growing and changing so that when the time to marry is right, you will be right where God wants you to be.

Do not rush! Pray and listen.

Post # 4
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, if someone wasn’t sure they wanted to be with me or if they saw a future with me, I’d be done. The person you spend your life with shouldn’t have such doubts.

Post # 5
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I can understand how difficult it is to have all kinds of friends getting engaged and you’re still waiting.

You’ve only been together for 10 months though, I think it’s reasonable to wait longer to become engaged – especially if you’re both young (wondering since he’s just finishing college?). He may have been swept up in the honeymoon phase of things when you talked about becoming engaged at 7 months, but then come around to the idea of moving things a little slower, getting to know each other even better, and supporting each other in your faith. Have faith that it will happen, but pressuring him won’t make it happen any faster or make you any happier! I hope things turn around for you.

ETA: just saw you posted your ages. You’re both young, and you don’t need to be in a rush to marry. Enjoy your time togethe now, grow together and with God, and strengthen your relationship so you will have a strong foundation to build a marriage and family on.

Post # 6
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@pokie45:  I don’t think you need to be sure at 10 months in that you’re going to marry the other person – especially at OP’s age

Post # 7
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

@medbride:  Yes, I should have added ‘after a certain amount of time’ ..my bad!

Post # 8
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree, a few years at your age (not so different from my age) is certainly appropriate. Not that I would judge a shorter amount of time — just that a few year together does not seem unreasonable. I understand it must have been such a let down after he got your hopes up :(. Have you talked about why he “changed his mind”? Was it actually changing his mind — deciding he didn’t want to marry you — or just a slowing down? — meaning he decided he didn’t want to marry you just yet?

It sounds like the marriage conversation has just gotten a little toxic for you two, but it also sounds like you are on a good page just not talking (read – fighting) about it for a few months and revisiting it later. It’s always nice when the discussion naturally progresses without any pressure, but he burst that bubble already.

And don’t compare your “time” to others! This is about you and your relationship — which completely unique and special and has nothing to do with them!

Post # 9
Member
6361 posts
Bee Keeper

I understand that facebook can make it seem like everyone’s getting engaged and you’re not (12 in a month, how bizarre unless you have thousands of friends!), but I promise that’s not the case outside of your news feed.

I’m in my 30s and have been with my boyfriend much longer, and I feel we’re getting close to that point, but no proposal yet. And I’m still anxious about how my best friend will feel because she’s older than me and currently single. By the way, apparently my age is around the average age to get married these days!

Please know that you’re still young, it’s still early… I hope it works out just like you dream, but please try to dismiss that sense that you’re falling behind or something, you’re not!

Sometimes a break from facebook is a good idea too, I find.

Post # 10
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Take a deep breath! Regardless of your ages, 10 months isn’t very long! I think it is important to take your time and if he is the right person now, he will still be the right person a year from now.  It is an important decision that shouldn’t be rushed.  I know it’s tough, but try to get off the fast track!

Post # 11
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

@Cavadica:  he took a week off from talking to you and didn’t let you know ahead of time ??? oh I would kill SO if he did that to me, that is a very immature move! 10 months is a relatively short amount of time before putting the pressure on him. I would wait until December and keep it on the backburner, get on Pinterest, vent to us, take up a hobby, let him figure out some stuff and then talk in Dec.

Post # 12
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to want to be with you. If your SO doesn’t know in his heart that you’re the one he’ll one day marry then maybe he’s not the right person for you. While we didn’t rush into an engagement or marriage, my SO and I discussed it very early in our relationship so we knew we both wanted it one day. We only talked about when this might happen very recently, and we’ve been together almost 2 years. So if he’s telling you wait for the talk in December, wait til December. And if he’s telling you no after that, then believe him and move on. I can’t understand why anyone would need to be alone with God to work out what it is they feel in their heart but whatever works I guess. You’re both still young. No reason to rush into things until you’re both 100% ready.

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