(Closed) 13 days out and I find out my dad didn't actually give his blessing

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This poster, hit the nail on the head:  “

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@Excited To Bee:   It honestly sounds like your Dad is just having a hard time giving up control.”

Post # 33
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Equine_Breeder:  That’s um…really frigging low of your father. Want to give me his number and I’ll chew him out?

 

Let me put this in perspective how wrong this is. My parents are SUPER religious Jews. I was raised Jewish and brought up with the knowledge that if I married outside the faith, they would disown me and write me off as dead. My fiance is an atheist (as am I) who was raised Irish Catholic. When we first started dating, my parents reminded me of disowning me if I ever married him.

When he asked for my hand in marriage last year, my father cried and gave him his blessing. Not because he loves him that much, not because he is happy with who I picked, but because he knows how happy Fiance makes me and how perfect we are for each other. We found love and happiness and he knows that we’re going to do it anyway, so we might as well do it with our parents’ support.

 

So if my parents can turn the other cheek and accept a goy into their family because it makes their daughter happy, for shame for your father not blessing your engagement. For ANY reason. It’s an outdated practice and he should know that. It’s a nice courtesy and a nice tradition but you’re going to do it anyway and he ought to know that.

Post # 34
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yikes. While I’m a total daddy’s girl (and wanted my Fiance to talk to my dad before he proposed – and he did) – I have never heard of anyone having to complete tasks or wait for an answer, that seems so archaic. I always sort of thought it was just a nice heads up, and a sign of respect. 

Fiance said that theirs went a bit like this – “I want to marry your daughter” “That’s fantastic.” (hand shaking all around, then playing golf)

I think you need to tell your dad to stop acting like a child – that it was important to you that your Fiance talk to him, that your Fiance did because YOU wanted it, and that your dads behavior throughout was a dissapointment to you.

Post # 35
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So he gave permission but no blessing, and proceeded to make your Fiance jump through hoops. I’m sorry but your dad needs to be spoken to about this, as his behavior is just plain childish.

Your dad seems to be grasping at straws to continue his control over ‘his little girl’, I’d have an honest and frank discussion with him because as it stands now he’s putting his own needs above your happiness. Which he may not even realize..

Post # 36
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

MOB here who is the “your dad is a controlling jerk” camp.

Your Fiance jumped through unneccesary hoops for a year with him, for you.  You have a great Fiance who must really love you!

Your dad needs to get over himself.

Post # 37
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

i agree with everyone above. i don’t think anyone thinks what your dad did is even close to reasonable. so talk to your dad and let him know your Fiance tried and he didn’t even make an attempt to get to know your Fiance

Post # 38
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Equine_Breeder:  Okay, your dad is NOT a jerk.

 

I’d just have Fiance call him and clear the air and explain the miscommunication.  I’d also explain you were confused too.

Then I would tell him it would mean a lot to you to get his blessing.

Post # 39
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@hermom:  +1

Post # 41
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Equine_Breeder:  With all due respect, if you are an adult why do you care so much about having your father’s blessing?

Your dad is being a jerk.  He’s manipulating you. Are you really going to stand at the alter and wonder if you have your dad’s support instead of focusing on your FI?

It also sounds like you need to cut the cord a bit.  That’s part of growing up.

Post # 42
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@ButterflyButterfly:  +1 It’s harsh, but I think it’s what you need to hear, OP. This whole situation is ridiculous.

Post # 44
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

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@Equine_Breeder:  While I understand how important and meaningful your dad’s approval is to you, I would advise you to let go, as much as you can. Your 2nd message where you explain your relationship with your Fiance convinced me. You decided together, you are both adults, your Fiance tried his best and your father still acts like a spoiled child. Family drama or feeling miserable the day of your wedding is the last thing you want.  If there is still a chance for you to talk to your dad, I would try. But if you think it would make you more upset, don’t do it, and just go forth with your wedding. The symbolic of the blessing is nice, but your father has no authority over who you marry. He didn’t get a chance to know your FH all these years ? He will, now. 

Post # 45
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@Equine_Breeder:  It sounds to me like NOTHING you or your Fiance do is going to be good enough for your father.  Your Fiance jumped through all these hoops, what more can he do? I didn’t mean to be harsh (OK, maybe I did), but as someone that also has a father than can be overbearing sometimes, the sooner you stop worrying about him, the better.

 

And if your father doesn’t come around, then it’s his loss.

 

Post # 46
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

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@ButterflyButterfly:  +1.

 

If you’re ready/mature/old/etc enough to get married and start a family, you should be able to let this slide off your shoulder.  In the grand scheme of life, this isn’t much of an issue.

The topic ‘13 days out and I find out my dad didn't actually give his blessing’ is closed to new replies.

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