(Closed) 13 days out and I find out my dad didn't actually give his blessing

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 63
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

OP, you aren’t property. I understand you want your father’s blessing, but this isn’t the Middle Ages. You want to marry this person, you think he’s the one for you, why does your father need to “bless” it or even give permission? Did you ask his parents if you could marry him? Probably not.

Post # 65
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Equine_Breeder:  Yikes, I would have completely interpreted what your dad said in that last email before you got engaged as a blessing too. He’s being unreasonable. You are an adult and you get to do what you wish– and for goodness’ sake, he gave his PERMISSION already. Plus your Fiance went through all the stuff your dad wanted him to do already. Ugh, your dad sounds controlling and manipulative, that would drive me crazy.

Basically, I don’t think you need to allow this to bother you. So what if your dad is a little disappointed. You are the one marrying your Fiance, and as long as your family can get along with your Fiance and he with them in a limited, polite way, I think everything will be OK. 

But I would not have said this 5 years ago. I would have wanted everything to be nice and needed full approval and friendliness from my parents toward the man I decided to marry. But I picked a man who my parents (mostly my mother) have some major political/cultural differences with, and the relationship between my parents and my SO is polite, but not warm. I have learned to not let it bother me much. As long as everyone can be civil and share holidays decently, I don’t expect much more. 

Although, my father also expects to be asked for his permission, and I am SOOOOOO nervous about that, I wish my SO would get it over with. We would get married without his permission, but considering how hard it’s been to get them to accept my SO at all, I would HUGELY prefer that not have to be how things play out.

So I understand how unpleasant this is, and how nerve-racking. But I think your father is being highly unreasonable and treating you and your Fiance like little kids. You don’t need anyone’s approval to get married except your own, though the satisfaction of your parents is nice to have to promote the peace in the family. And I guess his permission, without his very hard-to-get blessing (would he EVER give a blessing, if he’s this weird about it???) has to be good enough for everyone, as you guys are of course going forward with getting married!

Post # 66
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@mistress_anne:  +1000, great advice: “If having the blessing matters, then make your dad either give it or refuse to do so.  He doesn’t get to hedge any further.”

Post # 67
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Equine_Breeder:  You aren’t your dad’s property to be pimped out the highest bidder…I mean husband.  In all honesty a majority of dads do not think any many is good enough for their daughter.

Post # 68
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@Equine_Breeder:  But how about how he has disrespected YOU by knowingly stringing along a man who wants to spend his life with his daughter?

Post # 69
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@Equine_Breeder:  I can totally understand. I love my dad more than anyone and his blessing means a lot.  That said, ,your dad sounds like he was unfair to you and your Fiance. I’m amazed that your Fiance was so amazing through it. 

I wonder if sitting with your dad, just the two of you and explaining to him that having his blessing is important to you fand that if he refuses to give it to your and your Fiance it will hurt –but that it won’t stop the two of you from being married. 

Maybe assure him that no matter wahat you will always be his daughter and that he will always be important to you and that you would love his continued support in your relationship. 

I’d love to hear how this works out? 

Post # 72
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@Equine_Breeder:  I am so happy to hear this! I was really hoping things would work out so well.

Post # 73
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Equine_Breeder:  In my opinion, this sounds like the standard case where dad doesn’t think anyone is good enough for his daughter, like most dads do. You Fiance did what was asked of him and the ball was in your dad’s court and he was immature about it. This day is about you and your Fiance, if your heart knows this is right, then forget all the other nonsense.

Post # 74
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Equine_Breeder:  Your Fiance went above and beyond asking for blessings. He did everything and then some. Most people ask permission, receive a yes, and move forward.

 

Sounds like your dad wants to put him on the grill and that seems pretty unfair.

Edit: Just saw your update! 🙂

Post # 75
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

OMG, I just teared up reading your dad’s speech!

I’m glad it all worked out in the end for all of you.  CONGRATULATIONS!

Post # 76
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To

View original reply
@Equine_Breeder:  Thanks for the UPDATE

Glad that it all worked out in the end, and your Wedding went well.

CONGRATULATIONS !!

And Best Wishes to you and your Hubby.

— — —

To

View original reply
@mrscross1020:  – The OP is now Married, and there is an UPDATE (Reply # 70)

So alls well that ends well.

For future reference, when replying to a topic you might want to scroll thru to the last page, to see what the most recent replies say… and if there are any UPDATES from the OP… Posts from the OP always appear in a “box” so they are easy to find.

 

The topic ‘13 days out and I find out my dad didn't actually give his blessing’ is closed to new replies.

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