Post # 1
My friend and I have been friends for over 14 years now, since we met in college. Three months ago, she got engaged. We both have really hectic work schedules so 2 days ago was the first time I had seen her since the engagement. She was telling me about wedding planning over dinner. I casually asked if they’re doing just maid of honor and best man (since they want a small wedding), or are doing a wedding party. She says the following:
“Listen, the thing is that Rob could only think of 3 friends that he wanted to be groomsmen so I could only pick 3 bridesmaids. I chose X because she’s my childhood friend and I asked Y and Z from our college. Sorry, if I had another spot, I would have definitely asked you, but I don’t. Sorry.”
I was really hurt. We took most of our classes together in college (unlike with the other two), have traveled together over the years and try to keep up on each other’s lives despite whatever craziness is happening. We’re even in the midst of planning a trip together now. For the past year, despite me being painfully single and depressed about it, every time we met up, she would inevitably take me to some jewelry store to help her look at engagement rings to narrow down what kind she wants to receive from her boyfriend (now fiance). I did it because I was happy that her relationship was moving in that direction. It’s silly, but I don’t have many friends and I always considered that she would be a bridesmaid in my wedding whenever I get married.
Also, the fact that the issue was that her fiance couldn’t think of a 4th guy to be a groomsman sounds like real BS. He has four brothers he’s close with (only one is in the bridal party as best man) and a host of cousins. If I was really as important to her as she is to me, I’m sure they could have thought of a 4th guy to “throw in there” as a groomsman. It’s not like she’s buying the bridesmaid dresses or that they cost a lot of money. The bridesmaids are each buying themselves a casual $15 dress she selected on Amazon.
Post # 2
I think that’s a lame excuse. I was in a wedding with more bridesmaids than groomsmen and a groomsman walked two bridesmaids down the isle. Friendships should be more important than that tiny detail of having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen…
Post # 3
This is what haappens when people put “perfect day” images – eg. an even bridal party, over people’s feelings.
I’m sorry bee.
Post # 4
I think that’s a lame excuse too! My wedding had 2 groomsmen since my H is an introvert and my 3 best friends. The sides don’t need to match.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, Bee. I know how it feels to not make the cut with a friend of 10 years. I suggest crying into some Ben and Jerry’s and then picking out a pretty dress to wear as a guest.
Post # 5
lola2 : she strung you along. It is soooo inappropriate to involve a friend in something as special as ring shopping without the intention of asking them to be a bridesmaid. She couldn’t have stood up for her friendship when faced with something silly as bridal party numbers? Dumb…
That is quite a way to sour a friendship. Don’t beg, but see what kind of bride she turns into. Maybe you’re still invited to the bachelorette and shower? Maybe she’ll stay sweet and humble and everyone can move past this?
Terrible reasoning for dissing someone special
Post # 6
Contrary to popular belief it is not in fact impossible to have “uneven” wedding parties. So she CAN make you a bridesmaid.
Either you’re not as close to her as she is to you, in which case you should leave, or she values esthetics more than friends, in which case you need to seriously reevaluate this friendship.
Post # 7
Bee, I’m sorry that you are disappointed. However, you are not entitled to a place in anyone’s wedding except your own. When your time comes, if you want her as a bridesmaid, you can still ask her. This isn’t tit for tat.
Be relieved that you can wear what you want and that you won’t have to spend the whole day doing hair/makeup/pictures/wedding chores.
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
Sorry I’m on the other side here. Maybe you think you are closer than you are. You only just found out and she was engaged months ago.
Why do you feel you should be in a wedding party position? Can’t you just be friends and attend her wedding and celebration?
Post # 9
janne91 : I knew she got engaged the day it happened. She texted me saying she wants me to be one of the first people to find out and sent me a picture of the ring. I just hadn’t seen her in person for about 3 months.
I’m happy for her and will attend her wedding if I get an invite. I just thought that after so many years of friendship, all that we’ve been through together and hearing her regularly express that I am one of her closest friends that I would be in wedding party.
Post # 10
rockclimberbride : I’m starting to think that maybe I’m not even going to get a bridal shower or bachlorette party invite. Maybe not even a wedding invite. It’s put me on my guard. I keep thinking about how she was talking about wanting a small wedding, only 100 people. I feel like I need to be ready not to make that cut either.
Post # 11
impatient1 : It hurts to think I went around for so many years thinking a person was a close friend when the feelings from her weren’t genuine or reciprocated.
Post # 12
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
lola2 : ah so sorry I misread. Thats sucks.
Post # 13
The thing is, 14 years of friendship doesn’t entitle you to be bridesmaid and I think it’s a bit bratish to expect it does. And just because she hasn’t asked you doesn’t mean she doesn’t consider you a close friend, it’s a very melodramatic reaction to think that. She just has 3 closer friends that she sees more often and that’s the aesthetic she wants for her wedding day. No she doesn’t have to have an even bridal party, yes she can make you a bridesmaid, but that doesn’t mean she has to, let her do her day her way.
I sent a picture of my engagement ring to ten of my closest friends saying I wanted them to be one of the first to know. When you get engaged there’s loads of people to tell and some I wanted to tell before it went on Facebook, about ten, so yeah they all got it “first”
Why can’t you just be happy for your friend without being entitled to this “reward” for your friendship of being a bridesmaid?
Post # 14
I honestly feel like it’s pretty rude to take a single friend, who could possibly be feeling some type of way about being single, “engagement ring window shopping with you” if they’re just a ‘regular’ friend. You should’ve gotten one of your prospective bridesmaids to do that with you.
I’m sorry, bee.
Post # 15
I disagree with PP. Yes, she can have uneven sides (i did), but she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. Ultimately it’s her wedding party, and people choose the people they choose for a variety of reasons. Maybe she’s not sure if you have the money and she doesn’t want to burden you financially. It could be anything.
She obviously cares about you, and values you enough to spend time with you, and keep the friendship going. It sucks to feel like you value someone more than they value you but if all else is good in your relationship i personally don’t think bridal party choice is always a barometer for how much someone cares about you. I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but on the plus side now you can wear whatever you want instead of a cheapo dress from Amazon.