14 years of friendship and not a bridesmaid

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
54 posts
Worker bee

I think that’s a lame excuse. I was in a wedding with more bridesmaids than groomsmen and a groomsman walked two bridesmaids down the isle. Friendships should be more important than that tiny detail of having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen… 

Post # 3
448 posts
Helper bee

This is what haappens when people put “perfect day” images – eg. an even bridal party, over people’s feelings.

I’m sorry bee.

Post # 4
3019 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think that’s a lame excuse too! My wedding had 2 groomsmen since my H is an introvert and my 3 best friends. The sides don’t need to match. 

I’m sorry you’re hurting, Bee. I know how it feels to not make the cut with a friend of 10 years. I suggest crying into some Ben and Jerry’s and then picking out a pretty dress to wear as a guest. 

Post # 5
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

lola2 :  she strung you along. It is soooo inappropriate to involve a friend in something as special as ring shopping without the intention of asking them to be a bridesmaid. She couldn’t have stood up for her friendship when faced with something silly as bridal party numbers? Dumb…

That is quite a way to sour a friendship. Don’t beg, but see what kind of bride she turns into. Maybe you’re still invited to the bachelorette and shower? Maybe she’ll stay sweet and humble and everyone can move past this?

Terrible reasoning for dissing someone special 

Post # 6
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Contrary to popular belief it is not in fact impossible to have “uneven” wedding parties. So she CAN make you a bridesmaid.

Either you’re not as close to her as she is to you, in which case you should leave, or she values esthetics more than friends, in which case you need to seriously reevaluate this friendship. 

Post # 7
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Bee, I’m sorry that you are disappointed. However, you are not entitled to a place in anyone’s wedding except your own. When your time comes, if you want her as a bridesmaid, you can still ask her. This isn’t tit for tat. 

Be relieved that you can wear what you want and that you won’t have to spend the whole day doing hair/makeup/pictures/wedding chores. 

Post # 8
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Sorry I’m on the other side here. Maybe you think you are closer than you are. You only just found out and she was engaged months ago.

Why do you feel you should be in a wedding party position? Can’t you just be friends and attend her wedding and celebration?

Post # 12
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

lola2 :  ah so sorry I misread. Thats sucks.

Post # 13
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The thing is, 14 years of friendship doesn’t entitle you to be bridesmaid and I think it’s a bit bratish to expect it does. And just because she hasn’t asked you doesn’t mean she doesn’t consider you a close friend, it’s a very melodramatic  reaction to think that. She just has 3 closer friends that she sees more often and that’s the aesthetic she wants for her wedding day. No she doesn’t have to have an even bridal party, yes she can make you a bridesmaid, but that doesn’t mean she has to, let her do her day her way.

I sent a picture of my engagement ring to ten of my closest friends saying I wanted them to be one of the first to know. When you get engaged there’s loads of people to tell and some I wanted to tell before it went on Facebook, about ten, so yeah they all got it “first”

Why can’t you just be happy for your friend without being entitled to this “reward” for your friendship of being a bridesmaid? 

Post # 14
573 posts
Busy bee

I honestly feel like it’s pretty rude to take a single friend, who could possibly be feeling some type of way about being single, “engagement ring window shopping with you” if they’re just a ‘regular’ friend. You should’ve gotten one of your prospective bridesmaids to do that with you.

I’m sorry, bee. 

Post # 15
4057 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I disagree with PP. Yes, she can have uneven sides (i did), but she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. Ultimately it’s her wedding party, and people choose the people they choose for a variety of reasons. Maybe she’s not sure if you have the money and she doesn’t want to burden you financially. It could be anything. 

She obviously cares about you, and values you enough to spend time with you, and keep the friendship going. It sucks to feel like you value someone more than they value you but if all else is good in your relationship i personally don’t think bridal party choice is always a barometer for how much someone cares about you. I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but on the plus side now you can wear whatever you want instead of a cheapo dress from Amazon. 

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