(Closed) 150 “Courtesy” Invites?!

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I say you don’t do anything. You say “I’m sorry, that won’t be possible.” You say that again and again, until you’re blue in the face. Your FH says it too, again and again. Stop talking to them if it helps 🙂 You have already been fair to his family by the sounds of it.

If people wish to give you money as a wedding present they are free to do so, even if they aren’t actually invited. We got a card and voucher from some of FMIL’s friends the other day, who weren’t invited. It was a lovely thought.

Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Receiving money as a wedding gift is tacky? I know asking for gifts or for money can be considered tacky, but now we are judging people for what they choose to gift?

As for what to do about his family, if you can’t afford for them to attend, I’d tell the Future In-Laws you can’t send the courtesy invites. There are WAY too many of them! Maybe you can offer to send them as you get “no” responses, if they give you a list in order of priority. Or you can send them wedding announcements instead, which wouldn’t put you in the crazy situation of doubling your guest list for people that may or may not decide they want to attend after all.

Post # 6
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Okay, I think I may have misunderstood you.. you mean you don’t want to invite them just for that reason, not that if they give you a cash gift that is tacky, right? 🙂 I mean, I’d hate to think that if I gave someone cash instead of a gift they’ve registered for that they’re thinking I have bad manners or something. It’s a weird way to think of a gift.

I completely agree with you on the guest list and the outrageous number of courtesy invites! Announcements after the fact are really the only way I can think of to deal with this! It will probably upset his family, but… everyone gets upset about something!

Post # 8
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Courtesy invites intended to up the gift count are not very nice. Your Fiance and his family are proposing something rude. The gracious thing to do in this situation is to send them only an announcement after the wedding. They can still choose to send a gift (and in our case several people did) but it is not required and this won’t be seen as a “gift grab”.

Post # 10
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is too risky, even if half decide to attend, that will be an additional 75 guests!! ouch!!

Instead of bringing up the money thing, I would just tell his parents that you can’t take the chance of these guests attending b/c you are at a max guest list. Explain that you don’t want to turn down these people, but if any of these “courtesy” guests attend, you simply couldn’t fit them in & you don’t want to put them in an awkward position.

Post # 12
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

I second the announcement idea!  It’s perfectly acceptable (manners-wise) and will take the heat off everyone…

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Eeek! That’s a difficult one. My Future Mother-In-Law said the same thing – “oh ‘invite’ these X number of people – they won’t come, but they will send big checks!” Well, sorry Future Mother-In-Law, I was raised that you invite those who are closest and dear to you – not necessarily those with fat wallets. I’d say no to the courtesy invites – they could put you in a big bind if they did happen to come, and it doesn’t sound like they are near n’ dear to you all anyways. You and Fiance should sit down and have a heart to heart (with each other) and then hit the issue head on with Future Mother-In-Law. She might try and play monkey in the middle if you two don’t go at it as a united front (just a thought).

Bon Chance!

Bella 

Post # 15
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I started laughing before I got farther than your post title. 150 is ridiculous – send them announcements and a photo if you’re feeling generous.

Post # 16
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… they expect YOUR parents to pay for whoever of these extra 150 people from THEIR family decide to come? Am I seriously reading that right? And your wedding is already costing 70k?

This is so, so not okay. The announcement idea is fine and even good. I’ve NEVER heard of anyone trying to add 150 guests! What if even 1/4 decided to come? Could your venue handle it? People will send money even with an announcement if that’s what their family is worried about.

Absolutely ridiculous.

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