(Closed) 17 days to go, and may be calling off the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Think of it this way. Do you REALLY want to marry someone who is choosing his mother over you? Maybe counseling would not be a bad idea, even if you do have to postpone. This situation is crappy, but your Future Mother-In-Law is a manipulator and your hubby-to-be is NOT helping. He should be siding with you and defending your relationship.

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally agree with StatutoryGrape. Your Fiance should be siding with you; not his mother. He needs to be the one to put his foot down. In my opinion, I think you should postpone the wedding and get couples counseling. His mother seems very controlling and manipulative and if she is this way now, just imagine how she will be once you are married.

Post # 6
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@kokuu: Yeah, but his actions say otherwise, hon. 🙁 He’s still siding with her over you, and it’s not going to get better after the wedding unless you two get into some couples counseling.

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Hell. No.

I would call it off alright, but forever.

No way would I put up with that — you’ll be put second (or worse) for life.

Statutory Grape is right.

Post # 8
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can’t stand men who are in love with their mothers!! (Sorry, I know it’s a little extreme but I know someone like this and I’m frustrated for you).

His mother is being unreasonable and if he doesn’t see that, I don’t think he deserves you.

Post # 9
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well hopefully he isnt serious about calling the whole thing off. He is probably just emotional.  Youre going to be his family now.  You will be is number 1 from the day you are married on.  I am sure he will come around.  And shame on your Future Mother-In-Law.  Mother-In-Law need some sort of handbook.  Geez. Luckily my Mother-In-Law is nice and she doesnt speak English well so even if she doesnt like me I would never know. 

It is sad that his mom wont be there but dont let that bring you down.  This is about you and your husband commiting your lifes to one another.  You think he wants to commit his life to his mom?  Um I hope not if that is the other choice.  His mom did say “its between me and your fiance”

I would get married without my parents there.  I want friends and family there that are going to support my marriage not be destructive.

Post # 10
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

What baffles me is that he wouldn’t want a wedding unless his mother’s in it. He’s not getting married to his mother, though, and that needs to stop if your relationship with him goes anything past what it is now.

But taking off your ring…I would’ve done the same, but kept it off regardless of what he’s said. He’s hurt you in ways that he’s yet to comprehend. It’s not fair to you at all.

And she does NOT need an apology. She should be apologizing to you. You should be the main woman in his life at this point and if you’re not, he’ll never grow up.

Post # 11
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

His mother is using her threat as leverage to get what she wants. I highly doubt she actually would go through with it.

I’d encourage your Fiance to stand firm and let her know that you will be his wife, and you will come first. What Future Mother-In-Law chooses to do as a result is her own decision and it’s her responsibility. Nobody can MAKE her not turn up–that was her choice. 

She may go ballistic when Fiance stands up to her, but the sooner she gets that idea the better. Maybe you could practise beforehand?

Be prepared for a lot of pressure though and if your Fiance refuses to stand up to her, or cannot… honestly, you are better off postponing the wedding, until Fiance learns how to stand up to his mother. If he cannot, then much as it will hurt you at the time, leave. Otherwise you’re looking at a lifetime of coming second in your man’s life… and it will hurt much worse in the long run.

Post # 12
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

!!!

Ummm, if you are telling it exactly how it is, then your man better check himself! Seriously!

That women is being unreasonable! And to throw a hissy fit like that is ridiculous! I know you want to protect you Fiance, but he should be standing up for you! No questions asked! You were not being unreasonable.

Sounds like your future Mother-In-Law is trying to let you who is in charge…

IMO your Fiance and future Mother-In-Law should be profusely apologizing to you!

I really hope everything works of for you!

I don’t even know you and I am soo mad! 

Post # 13
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

His mother is being ridiculous. And he is out of line for supporting her and her foolishness. Good luck on trying to work this out. I dont know that I would apologie cuz i dont see what you did wrong…but unless its due to budget or space, i would kjust let the kids come because youve already allowed other kids to attend so in some people’s eyes its not “fair”…..but she is most definately being ridiulous. With that being said, you and Fiance may need to have a talk and see how he feels vs how you feel about parents future involvement in life decisioins IMO.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

Post # 14
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Whoa um is he like in love with his momma or you? Um like are you the future wife or is she? Choose between her or you? Um whoa. I would get out of this one. Because how many more times is he going to choose her over you in the future? Time for that man to cut the umbilical cord, you know? I would leave..take yourself on a nice trip to Hawaii or something..to heck with all of that drama!

Post # 15
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

whoa whoa whoa kokuu, why are you apologising??  Don’t apologise to that woman, you have done nothing wrong.  She’s adding people to the guest list and you have asked if she is willing to pay for them.  She overreacted.

And it sounds like your man is a momma’s boy.  Big fat red flag.  Do you really want someone who goes running to his mommy every time she gets upset?  This is not a good start.

Do not let them steamroll you.  This is your wedding day and your unemployed dad is using his savings to pay for it.  They should have more respect for him and your family than this.  And your man has a lot to answer for too – running off to his mommy when she was clearly having a tantrum.  She’s bluffing and he will have seen her do this before, and he’s toadying to her!

Trust me, you don’t wanna go down this route, not without counselling.  And even then….

 

Don’t you apologise, you’ve done nothing wrong.  And tell your guy to man up.  You’re his family now.

Post # 16
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

@MrsWall2B:  it’s not unfair for her to say no. She’s already invited everyone she wants to and now her FI’s mom is adding more people to the list.  They weren’t invited in the first place.  Once you reach capacity you have to say no, regardless of adult or child 🙂

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