(Closed) 17 days to go, and yeah… pretty sure bridesmaid is bailing. And I don’t mind

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Um… WHAT?! The only two things that a bridesmaid really needs to do is buy the dress and show up. She can’t manage to do either. Laaaaame. 

Post # 4
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would say it pretty much just like that. Maybe rephrase the disappointment part! A little nicer, like pointing out she hasn’t really been there for you in the planning process or made any effort to be involved, and 3:30 just won’t cut it.

I’ve cut 3 of the girls who expect to be bridesmaids (after all, I called them all my “bridal party” before I was even engaged). One is so self-involved she hasn’t talked to me much in months or bothered to ask how I’m doing/when I’m leaving the country/etc. so we’re barely friends at this point. The other two (one being my roommate) spend a lot of time talking about me, my fiance, and our wedding and how stupid we are behind my back (obviously not behind it enough for me not to know about it…) and they’re absolutely out of their minds if they think I’ll let two people who have spent months talking poorly about my wedding be a part of it!

So…I feel your pain! Everyone has a limit/breaking point where it’s suddenly pretty easy to just let it go and let them go as well…you have every right not to want anything ruining your special day! Including bad friends.

It was one of my remaining friends & bridesmaids who put it pretty simply for me and I remember this every time I start to feel bad about cutting the other girls from the bridal party.

“Do I think you’re being crazy? Yes. Would I be there if you got married tomorrow? Yes. Because I’m your friend.”

Post # 6
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m usually firmly in the “don’t give your bridesmaid the boot” camp, but damn… IMO a bridesmaid has two solid responsibilities: get the dress agreed upon, and show up to the wedding. She hasn’t accomplished the first of those, and from the sounds of things she is super iffy on the second.

I would tell her as nicely as possible that you know she has a lot on her plate, but so do you, and that you feel at this point it would be more sensible for both your sakes for her to come to the wedding as a guest. If she objects or presses you for reasons, just explain that between the dress, the hotel reservation, and missing the rehearsal, she has not shown enough consistency for you to be comfortable keeping her in your wedding party.

Post # 7
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Eeeeeeeeeee…this is one situation where I would definitely boot her out if she doesn’t volunteer first. Good riddance!

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I just have to say that you’re being WAAAAY nicer than I would be!! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

any updates?

Post # 11
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow!  I don’t understand why she is even bothering if she doesn’t care at all. 

Post # 12
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow! Sorry you’ve had to deal with this! I think you’re totally justified in kindly giving her a way out. Her actions show she doesn’t care much about your wedding to put in the tiniest bit of effort.

I personally would be pissed about the dress thing. It may be a tiny detail to some, but I like tiny details!! She’s so special she chooses whatever dress she wants to wear as one of your Bridesmaids on the day.

Don’t feel like a loser because of who and how they guests on your side know you. No one’s thinking that. And this ONE person will not tip the scales more than they already have been.

Let her down easy, but if she comes back saying she still wants to be there I would set up boundaries with her and stick to relieving her of the duties of bridesmaid.

The topic ‘17 days to go, and yeah… pretty sure bridesmaid is bailing. And I don’t mind’ is closed to new replies.

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