Post # 1
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Here is the story. 🙂 I am 18 (he is 19) and we are getting married next year. We have been together 2 years at the moment. The problem is, I am really nervous about comments. When we went to look at rings once, all the people were staring at me stomach. I know what people are thinking, and I am not pregnant. (We are waiting for marriage… so I am pretty sure. 🙂 )
I know for a fact some of my family members will stay stupid comments at my wedding. They have in the past, which is why I am nervous. They have told me that I need to date more people. They have told me that I need to get my education. (I will have one semester left of college after our wedding for my bachelors)
What can I say to the pregnant, too young, need to date more comments? I am not immature and have never showed that I was. I don’t get it.
Post # 3
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
“It’s really a shame that rather than wishing the best for us you are making judgments.”
Honestly, the best thing to do when people make crass comments is to let it roll off – but I’m not a good enough person to snark at them 😛
Post # 4
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
Unfortunately you’re going to get those comments. People seem to not know when to keep their comments to themselves. I would thank them for their opinion and walk away.
Post # 5
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
@swimchica: You ignore them. It may be hard and irritating. When those comments start up (I have an entire side of my family making those type of comments) I usually just smile and say “Well, we are very happy together.” “Well, it’s our decision.” and when they talk about how I need to be out of school to be married: “He’s been around the entire time I’ve been in school so getting married isn’t putting a brand new person into my life so I’m sure it will be fine.”
Post # 6
Member
5269 posts
Bee Keeper
Congrats!!! Just be happy and TRY your hardest to ignore others.
Post # 7
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
Agreed. Its best if you can just be the bigger person and let it go. I didn’t date very much before I met Fiance so I hear a lot of people say I need to date more also. My response to that is that I don’t HAVE to do anything. I can’t live my life trying to get everyone else’s approval so as long as we’re happy then thats enough for me 🙂
Good Luck with finding a way to deal with that.
Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
I’ll be 100% honest, there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent these comments. On a positive note – congratulations and welcome to the hive! We’re glad to have yah (=
Post # 9
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
well first best wishes,
now i went to a super sheltered christian college for a year and I found a lot of the girls were knocked up before they could finish school (they were waitnng till marriage too) my only advice is that if you choose to marry before you are done be careful with the sex life. kids can make it hard to graduate and pregnancy can have its own complications. i know you wouldn’t probably plan on kids until after you were done but don’t forget that surprises happen. Just keep a strong head and be happy and smart about everything. Only you know what is best for you
Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
Congratulations and all the best! <3
As for education concerns I would just maybe wait for the babies part until after you’re done with school to make things easier. 🙂
Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
@swimchica: you’re getting your bachelor’s at 19 instead of 22?
But anyway, I got married when I was 17 (I wasn’t pregnant) and dealt with a ton of negative comments–and now that I’m divorced and marrying again I still get a lot of ignorant assumptions. Like that I was married for 6 months instead of 6 years. Or that he was a cradle robber, even though we were the same age. Or the reason why the marriage failed was because we were too young–not the case, he’s just as much of a douche now, 12 years later.
I got a ton of “I told you so’s” when we split up–not the nicest thing to hear when you’re going through a divorce
People want to think they know it all–they don’t. Everyone is different. Marriages are less likely to work out when you’re younger, that doesn’t mean they can’t work out
Post # 12
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
Deal with it by having a long and happy marriage. Tell them you hope that they’ll feel differently when they are dancing at your 50th anniversary.
You are going to get comments–hopefully not at the wedding at least–but you can only control your reaction.
Post # 13
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
People ALWAYS have a comment. Doesn’t matter if you’re “too young” “too old” “possibly pregnant” “controlling” blah blah blah. You know what works for you, and if you are ready for marriage, then be ready to not care what other people think of your decisions. People like to think they know how to live your life better than you, but that is impossible.
Just to make you feel better–my mom was 20 when she got married to my dad, and they are celebrating 40 years together in a few days. My FH’s sister got married when she was 16, had a baby when she was 18, and has been together with her husband for 30something years.
Age doesn’t matter as long as you follow your heart and try your hardest to be cooperative with your spouse!
Congratulations!
Post # 14
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
How are you getting your Bachelors at 19? That makes no sense. Do you mean associates degree?
Personally, and no offense to young brides, I’m on their side.
Post # 15
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
Age doesn’t matter. I met my now Fiance when I was 14 and he was 16 and we have been together ever since, while we didn’t get married young we still received the “you need to date other people/you’re too young to know what love is….etc etc” Granted we had been together a little longer than you two have by the time we were your age now, we both definitely knew we wanted to marry each other at that point. We have our own reasons for waiting, but I don’t think anyone has a right to tell you that you’re too young and that you shouldn’t get married. Not every relationship is the same. I know plenty of couples who got married “young” and are still happily married, nobody can be the judge of your relationship but yourselves. Do what makes you both happy and just be prepared for the haters becasue they’re always lurking around the corner…there will always be people who try to bring you down but you just have to rise above it and do what is in your heart 🙂
Post # 16
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Thank you guys! That really helps. I think I just need to suck it up and be ready to not care. 🙂
Member