18 and getting married in a year. Comments?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 32
Member
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We were 22 when we got married and we still got loads of ignorant comments. You know what I always said “Well, even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake to make.” It normally shut people up. Live your life, ignore the ccomments and do what makes you happy.

Post # 33
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Good luck and have fun!

Post # 34
Member
3172 posts
Sugar bee

Congrats and hold your head high! πŸ™‚

Post # 35
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

@swimchica:  Can I give you a huge hell yeah! for your school stuff? Damn, you go girl!

“I had 34 credits I earned while in high school, graduated high school a year early, and then am taking max credits and one class over this summer. πŸ™‚ I wouldn’t have to take this class this summer but I am going for a double major.”

As for the comments, I’ve found that I got them the most from unhappy people or from folks in unhappy marriages or from my peers who weren’t ready for marriage themselves yet. So those comments aren’t about you, its about the person making them.

For the pregancy comments:
I tell my parents: “Jeez, I know you’re hoping for grandkids but let me get married first, will ya?” This usually makes them laugh and give up their worrying for a little bit. Until the next phone call at least. Just pretend they’re really old like a grandparent and lather rinse repeat as necessary. And remind them how happy the guy makes you.
For everyone else: “Are you pregnant?” “No, I’m not. Oh look at the pretty thing over there! [change of suject]” If they persist they are being rude.

The dating ones/you’re too young are especially about the person making them. Sometimes you just get lucky in the dating game really early. Most people don’t, so they think anything else is weird. Folks have bought into the idea that you “don’t know yourself” until you’re older… I know some 50 year olds who “don’t know themselves”. Just let it go and be happy with your decisions.

It makes it easier to just ignore the negative comments by making friends with other newly-weds/folks who want to be married. πŸ™‚ Good luck.

Post # 36
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, no matter what your age people can stare at your stomach! Happened to me a couple months ago when someone found out we were engaged, I just watched their eyes drop to my stomach. It was so obvious I almost laughed outloud.

If you get any comments from people, just smile and say “We’re very happy together”. Be the bigger person & don’t give them a reaction! Congratulations & good luck πŸ™‚

Post # 37
Member
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Just take it as if they’re wishing you well.  Smile and say thank you!  Most people are well-intentioned even if what they’re saying is negative.  They want you to avoid the trouble they’re talking about, so take it from that angle.  A big smile and not letting it get you down is the best way to react.  Keep your joy! 

Post # 38
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So sorry πŸ™ Don’t let other people tell you what is right or wrong for you…there is no way for any outsider to understand. It’s between the two of you, and if both of you have discussed in detail & thought about everything marriage entails, than go with the consensus you two have made together. There’s no perfect formula for marriage: your age, the length of time you’ve been together, etc. doesn’t guarantee a marriage will or won’t work. My grandparents knew each other for less than a year before getting married & have been married over 50 years. On the flip side, I know someone who lived with their ex-husband for three years (they had even dated before moving in together) before getting married, and got divorced less than a year after marriage. Just because you are young doesn’t mean you aren’t mature or able to take on the commitment of marriage. Long story short, don’t let anyone tell you what is right. Yes, your age is young, but that doesn’t mean anything. Like you, I graduated college early with 2 bachelor’s degrees & at a young age…started my own business when I was 18 & got lots of “looks” from people that didn’t take me seriously because I was young, but I knew that I was capabable of & I’m now way ahead of my peers that laughed at me for being so ambitious. I’m only 23 but feel much older than my age, in a good way.

My fiance & I are both 23, but we look much younger than we are. Every time we tell people we are getting married they do a double take & I feel like I always have to explain our age, that we started dating at 17, etc. One time we even had someone ask if we were 18 to be able to even get married! It’s such a bummer. I feel your pain on the opinions of others, but at the end of the day you just have to brush it off & smile!

Post # 39
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Another reason that people might be judging you is because they think the only reason you’re getting married is to have sex. To be quite honest, most of my religious friends who were waiting until marriage got married really young because of that reason. But as long as you know that you’re getting married for the right reasons, then it shouldn’t matter. I would either just smile politely and say “thanks for your concern, but we’re really excited!” or, if I was cranky, something like “thanks for your concern, but it’s really none of your business.”

Post # 40
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Mom was your age when she got married. My parents have been happily married for 25 years. Laughing Congrats and let the haters hate. People always are trying to find something to critisize. Oh and ANYONE getting married gets grumpy disgruntled people saying to not get married. They’re just grumpy people.

Post # 41
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you and your boyfriend are way too young to get married.  You only know him for 2 years (if you know him since you’re kid, that’s another story).  You should wait until you two graduate from Unversity where you two will meet a lot more people and experience something different than you’re in school.  I know couple successful couples that married when they young (not as young as you though) around 22 or 23 years old.  I think you should wait.

Post # 42
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m a strong believer in “when you know you know” We got engaged when I was 25, he was 27 and one of the first things my sister asked was whether or not I was pregnant. We’d been together for over 2 years and somehow my 13 month engagement seemed, “rushed”. Hahaha, if you’re lucky enough to find the man for you at 18, then who cares what people say. I agree with everyone who has said, prove naysayers wrong by having a happy marriage. And congrats on being such a hardworking student, that’s impressive! πŸ™‚

Post # 43
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

you should just ignore them. it’s your life and you can do what you want as long as it is not something illegal or bad and you are happy. you can even tell them that people used to marry young years ago. and 18 is not too young to  marry.

Post # 44
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ignore them and have a wonderful marriage with your husband.  =)  

Just a couple words of wisdom:  when they say you are too young, just ignore them.  Don’t argue with them, you cannot win.  You’ll both only get frustrated and they’ll walk away thinking you’re naive. The only way you can win is to prove them wrong by having a wonderful marriage.  

Most importantly, NEVER bring up your maturity level.  I am not doubting you, but younger brides do tend to call attention to their maturity level by saying they are mature for their age.  I wasn’t even thinking about maturity until you brought it up. We hear young brides talking about their maturity quite a bit, so calling attention to it does you no favors.  Might get you some rolling of eyes and a “here we go again.”  You may or may not be mature, but as you start getting older, you’ll use the word mature to describe yourself less and less. Notice most of the older brides never describe themselves as mature.  

If you feel mature enough to get married, you don’t need to justify it to anyone.  Again, not trying to judge.  Just trying to give you tips so that you can avoid judgment from others.

Post # 45
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would love to see the OP come back here in 10 years time and say whether or not she still loves him whether she still has the same ideas about marriage that she had back then. 

There are a lot of couples that get married young and are still together and happy years later, but equally there are a lot that don’t make it work. Ok that can be said for all marriages at all ages that’s true, but I would be lying if I said I was the same person with the same ideas and thoughts on life when I was 18. I’m not, I’ve changed a lot.

Im not saying they definitely won’t last and I’m not saying they definitely will, but it would just be interesting to see what a difference 10 years might make if it makes any at all. 

Post # 46
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It is great that you’re getting your education, but what about your FI? Is he also on the educational fast track, because I’m sure if people think you should get an education (which you are) that your Fiance should too.

Also, are you two financially independent? Have you both had jobs? Think about those types of things. I think that these things also apply when people throw out “too young”. I truly think that many people are of the opinion that you should experience the “real world” before getting married, and I can agree with them, to a point, but I also think that what works for you might not work for me, and people have a hard time avoiding generalizations.

Yes, being able to financially support yourself, having a good job, having a good eduation and those things are important, but just because you’ve got that checked off your list, doesn’t mean your marriage will succeed and just because you don’t, doesn’t mean it will fail.

So my advice, consider every reason why someone would think you’re too young (I’m 24 and I’ve been told I am too young), and if you think getting married is right for you and your Fiance then no one can tell you otherwise. My mom married my dad at 17. They had $45 between them after they got married and will be celebrating their 40th anniversary this year. 

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