(Closed) 18 and Waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Only you know if you are too young or rushing things. Do you live together? I assume you have not furthered your educations with college or started in a career. People learn, mature and grow so much in their early 20’s. Often relationships at that age mature and grow together or apart. Do what is right for you. Who are any of us internet stangers to say?

Post # 3
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh girl.  Slow the hell down.  You have your ENTIRE LIFE in front of you.  Yes you are rushing because you are still feeling the “honeymoon stage”.  Yes it is still the honeymoon stage even though it has been 8 months.

NO teenager is ready for the life-long commitment of marriage.  Be your own person.  Live your own life.  Enjoy your relationship.  Don’t rush to the altar because you more than likely will come to regret it later on.

Post # 4
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

i don’t want to say if I think you’re too young or if it’s too rushed because I don’t know you or your relationship BUT have you had coversations about real life after the “honeymoon period” is over?

what kind of wedding will you have? Can you two afford a wedding on your own? Do you both want the same kind of ceremony and reception? What if your parents (who may or many not offer $$ rescind their offers?) 

where will you live? Can you afford a place of your own? Have you ever lived on your own outside of your family home?

do you have jobs? Debt? School plans? 

Did you discuss having kids and different parenting styles?

how do you handle crisis like job loss? How do you handle fighting (if you’ve had a fight yet)? What are your communication styles? 

All these topics come up during a relationship and should be discussed before marriage to make sure your values and expectations align. 

Beyond what I listed above, there are even more topics to consider before entering a marriage with someone. think about EVERYTHING, talk to your boyfriend and remember that waiting a little while (or a long while) until you’re sure is okay too. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by partyof2.
Post # 6
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m convinced that a person who can’t spell “propose” shouldn’t be proposed to.

Post # 7
549 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
fmi7:  I think you are too young. I think you are rushing. At 18 I thought I knew everything. I thought I had nothing to learn. I thought my mom was wrong when she said you change in your 20s. Now at 28 I know if I had gotten married at 18 I wouldn’t have lived in a forgein country and later travelled to another 20 countries. I wouldn’t have gone clubbing in las Vegas. I would have already gotten a divorce by now.

This all being said. In your great grandparents day and age, they met and married this young.

Post # 9
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You would be better off spending money on furthering your education rather than a ring. Are you self-supporting? Do you have a job at all? I’d concentrate on making yourself a more complete and well rounded person before you get married.

Post # 10
3527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
fmi7:  my mom got martied at 18 and had me at 19. And she told me dont ever get married that young…. you will grow appart because you are technically not done “growing” anf maturing until your mid 20’s at least… she got divorced at 35… young enough to remarry but had 3 kids at that point and couldn’t find a decent man to marry. Now she is almost 51. I’m almost 31 and happy I didnt get married to my first one at 18. Dodged a huge bullet as I realised years later after dumpimg him how wrong we were for each other. And by the time I was 27 I met my Fiance when I was mature enough and wanting to settle down…. and at 18 I though I was oh so mature and serious… only now I realize that I was such a dumbass to even have been involved with my first guy… let alone marry him. So happy I didnt. We wanted to get married after like 2 months of dating… 

Post # 12
486 posts
Helper bee

Yikes. I can tell you honestly that I met my SO at 18 and loved him SO much. I wanted to spend forever with him the way we were. But guess what? We grew up and changed so much. Thankfully, we were able to grow together and mature as individuals and as couples. But it wasn’t without a lot of work and, sometimes, pain. Looking back on it, the way our relationship became serious was the perfect way. We are 25 now and going to be engaged soon. Now is the right time because we are both educated, independent, and able to deal with life issues because we have faced them. 

I wouldn’t recommend being a “waiting bee” at 18. Go explore, experience life, and further your education. Your relationship may or may not weather the storm of growing up. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by mushface.
Post # 13
486 posts
Helper bee

Also, there is a statistic floating around that there is a higher divorce rate amongst those who married younger than 26. I know I will get flanked by a lot of younger married bees, because it is absolutely possible to make a young marriage work. Just something to consider. 

Post # 14
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I don’t know your relationship based off of one post, but I do know that I’d be divorced right now had I married the man I was so in love with at 18. Without a doubt, divorced. 

Post # 15
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Youve known this person less than a year, and youre already talking about marriage and looking at rings? That seems awfully rushed. Youre so young too, you will change as you get older, and so will he, and you may resent getting tied down so early in your life. I thought i was going to marry the bf i had when i was 18, but it didnt work out as we both wanted different things in life. 

If you love him, and really think hes the man you will spend the rest of your life with, then do it, but i would caution you to really think about your life and what you want to do. Are you in college? Do you want to travel? Move to a different city/country? You have to think about all the dreams you have for your life right now, and then see how your bf would fit into those dreams. 

Dont rush things if they dont have to be rushed. Keep dating and getting to know one another. If you still feel the same way in another 6 months or so, then go with what your heart tells you. But dont get caught up in the excitement and the emotion and get caught in something youre going to regret later in life. 

Sorry if im coming across as a negative nancy, i just know how much i have changed in the last 10 years, i know my 18 year old self would never believe where i am today. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by megkate87.

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