(Closed) 18 and Waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 61
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 62
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You’ve been together 9 months. Moved in together after 1 month of dating. You are 18. 

You are moving WAY too fast. Slow down. Enjoy the ride. 

What also worries me is what you’re saying about your financial state. If you took more time, he would be able to save for the ring, not put it on lay away. Please take a step back and look at this. I don’t think you are ready at all. 

Post # 63
Member
608 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you’re going too fast because of your age but because you’ve only known each other a very short time. I got engaged shortly after my 20th birthday but we’d been dating since I was 16 and we’re already living together. If you do get engaged I would recommend a long engagement to just figure out where you’re going in life since this is a pivotal point for you to decide your life goals and how they fit into your life with him

Post # 64
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

I met Fiance when we were 18 (in college) and we started dating at 19. I did feel like he was “perfect” and “The One”, and we did talk about ~eventually~ getting married early on, but we also wanted to enjoy our youth and finish our education.

We’re both 28 now and we’re getting married this year (YAY) and still feel like we’re pretty young, and I would advise you to wait it out. If you still feel the same X years from now then great! But there’s really no need to rush into marriage at this point. Honestly, you won’t get to do everything else you’re planning to do when you’re paying off debt, planning a family, and running a house, and that could be a point of resentment later on between you two, as well.

Post # 65
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

Would you let your 18 year old daughter marry a 21 year old man with a young child?

 

It sounds like you’re in love with the idea of marriage (the ring, the wedding.. Etc) to me. Yes 18 is young. If you and your SO are meant to be, he will be there 4, 5, even 10 years down the line. Please do not rush.

Post # 67
Hostess
4615 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m with PP. Though I think 18 is too young to be married, I’m more concerned with you only having known each other for 9 months. That’s very fast especially for someone so young. I met my Fiance at 18, but we are getting married at 27. I won’t pretend that it wasn’t hard. There were times in our relationship when we grew apart. When we met, we were two fairly religious 18 year olds who wanted to go to grad school and have 3 kids. Fiance decided religion wasn’t for him, which freaked me out. Later, I ended up on the same page. I moved 8 hours away for law school while Fiance stayed to work. He moved even farther away for a job. He freaked and for a couple of years thought he may never want to have children with the amount of grad school debt we’d accumulated. We are now two non-religious people who may or may not have kids (he wants them, now I’m on the fence). That’s only a couple examples of how much we’ve changed in our 20s. We went on a break once at 20 because of some of these differences. It’s hard. I am a huge advocate of dating at the very least past the honeymoon stage, but for a substantial period of time before getting married, especially if you meet young.

I’m also super concerned about your SO having a child. Are you ready to be a parent at 18? To navigate the situation with the child’s mother? What if something happens to the child’s mother and you have the child full time? These are not decisions to take lightly. My advice? Take your time and see if you still want to be married a few years from now.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by missinthecity.
Post # 68
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I got married at 22 but I already finished college at 21 and had a career and was completely self-supporting with no debt. I wouldn’t even let my husband propose to me until I was at least done with college because that was a priority to make sure I could contribute to our relationship and our future family. We purchased a ring off eBay that has a considerably warmer stone than the average and it has some inclusions on the diamond, but it’s what we could afford and we paid all cash, no financing. 

You’re really young, and yes I was very young too but I had been with my husband for nearly 4 years before we were married. When I was 18 I thought I was with “the one” and that ended up being a bust. I’ve seen way too many young girls get engaged and then break off engagements or get divorced very quickly because it all moved way too fast. There is literally no rush for you, and there is plenty of time to make those kind of decisions when you’re a bit older and more established in your relationship and as an adult. 

Post # 69
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
fmi7:  My ex-H and I started dating when I was 16, married at 20, divorced at 29. Too young… Thought it was what I wanted, but I was oh-so-wrong. I threw away my 20s and was miserable. I regret never actually “dating” people and missing out on so many things. I finally got to live MY life a little these last few years, and it felt good to figure out who I was as an independent adult. I have never been happier.

 

Take your time.

Post # 70
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You’re way too young. I also thought I was going to marry the person I was with when I was 18. THANK GOD I DIDNT. Ten years and a couple of boyfriends later, I’m marrying the love of my life. 

You sound way too immature for this. The guy has a baby with someone else – HELLO. He obviously makes bad decisions. 

Both of you need to get your priorities straight. Enjoy life a little – you will change drastically the next few years, and I’m sure you’ll be glad you didn’t do it. 

Post # 71
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Since I don’t know you personally, I can only give you the same advice I would give my sister, who is a year older than you… Just wait!

I dated a guy in high school who I was totally in love with. Like teen rom-com love. But we were so wrong for each other! Everyone around me and who loved me knew it, but I wouldn’t listen. True story: my dad held me captive on a three hour flight listing all the reasons why I should break up with my boyfriend at the time. I still didn’t listen. We ended up going to college together. I had all these plans and thought we would be together forever. We even discussed marriage, kids, the works. Then half way through freshman year, we broke up. I was devestated. 

While this was all happening, I met a guy who became one of my best friends. We hung out all the time, loved the same stuff, could finish each other’s sentances. It was awesome. Well, this guy asked me out our sophomore year of college, so I was 19 and we’ve been together ever since. We’re now 27. In those 8 years, we lived abroad seperately, traveled alone, interned across the country from each other. All while staying together. We didn’t start talking about seriously getting married until after Christmas! And that point we have lived together for almost three years and we have a puppy together. 

My point is, you’re still so young. If I got engaged to my high school boyfriend like I planned, it would have been awful! At 18, no one has the experience to make such a heavy decision. Even after being together with my now Fiance since we were 19, we weren’t ready until now. Even the people I know who got together with their SO at 18 or younger still aren’t married or even engaged yet. 

Like PPs said, go to school, live abroad, try something new. You don’t even need a college degree to do a lot of that. There are so many volunteer organizations that need people in other parts of the world. Take the money that is going towards a ring and invest in experiences. If this is the right relationship, everything will end up where you’re supposed to be. 

Post # 72
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Whirlwind03:  Not exactly true– those in residential construction got hit hard in 2008. Those in commercial construction- like my FI- flourished. Commercial construction management can be a VERY stable career! 

 

But to the OP- anyone who thinks buying a $7k engagement ring is a better idea than paying off debt is not someone you want to marry. Just no.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by knickergold.
Post # 73
Member
841 posts
Busy bee

Yes you are too young. Slow down. If you get engaged, by all means, please have a looong engagement. No reason to rush.

Post # 74
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
fmi7:  Take it from someone who got married at 17 and is now divorced…wait. You can stay together without getting married, give yourself time to really get to know each other. What harm is there in just being with him for now?

Post # 75
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
milabeehappy:  Yep. I’ve never known a young couple who want to be married to seek out Internet strangers to tell them they are too young. Seems off. 

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