(Closed) 18 and Waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 76
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t necessarily say you are too young, but I would say you are rushing the relationship.  My fiancé and I met when I was 17, still a junior in high school.  We will be married this summer, and I will be 22.  We’ve dated for 4.5 years now, but he has finished college, and I will have 2 semesters left.  He has a job and we have a pretty solid savings.  We are very much still in love, but it is not the same kind of love as when we first met-it’s work sometimes.  I’m a young bride, but my advice to you would be to wait.  Even if it’s another couple of years.  Marriage is a forever commitment, and in your case, you will be adding a child to the mix.  Go slow, think carefully, and don’t get caught up in the excitement.  

Post # 77
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
fmi7:  You asked if you are rushing it.  Yes, you are certainly rushing it.  In my opinion you should wait.  Enjoy living together, building your careers, raising his child, and continuing to develop your relationship.  You are clearly still in the “honeymoon phase.”  And there is nothing wrong with that!  You should enjoy the heck out of it!  But that is not the right time to make the decision to get married.

Sounds like you guys have a great relationship and like you are very happy!  That’s wonderful!  I, personally, think it’s smarter and more practical to wait a few years before deciding to get married.  But that’s just me.  Obviously you are an adult and you should do what right for you.

Post # 78
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Young bride here. 

I am 20, almost 21 and will be getting married next July when I am 22. My Fiance and I started dating when we were 16 and moved in together when we were 18. We lived together for a year and a half (total 3 years dating) before getting engaged. We will have been together 5 years before getting married and will be graduated with Bachelor degrees.

Not everyone is the same but I think you are rushing. The newness hasn’t worn off yet. You haven’t experienced the really tough things. Do you want kids? Try getting a dog to mock “coparent” and see how it goes. If you are worried about the cost of college, how are you planning on paying for a wedding? Also if you cant pay for community college, why are you getting a nearly $8000 ring? That’s absolutely ridiculous.

Take some time and slow down. Go on vacation. Have fun. Enjoy your time while you are dating or even engaged. You’ll get to be married for the rest of your life so take some time to enjoy this stage of your relationship. 

Post # 79
Member
568 posts
Busy bee

^ Agree with previous poster. I don’t necessarily think you’re too young… There’s a lot of mature 19/20 year olds. However, if you’re worried about the cost of community college, and he’s got to finance a ring, and he has debt… then it’s absolutely silly to incur more debt for a ring. A ring doesn’t make the marriage.

Post # 80
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
knickergold:  maybe where you are. My dad is in commercial real estate and experienced a terrible slow down as well, but a little later as is typical of the commercial market – 2009-2011ish.

Post # 81
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Hubby and I started dating in high school, we were 17. We got engaged at 19 after being together 2 years. We got married at 21 after being together 4 years. We’ve now been married 1 year. 

While I don’t necessarily think you’re too young (my sister is 18 and engaged, her fiancé is 21) I think you’re are both rushing into it. You are still in the honeymoon phase. Hubby and I’s relationship has changed a lot over the years. We were both pretty mature teens but we are adults now. Plus that’s a lot of money to spend on a ring, I would put that money towards your boyfriend’s debt. Just make sure you continue to work on your relationship and think about marriage and not just a wedding. A wedding is one day but a marriage lasts a lifetime. I’m not saying that you haven’t thought about your marriage but a lot of people get caught up thinking about the wedding day and not much beyond that. 

Post # 82
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Please slow down and take your time to enjoy your relationship. What’s the rush? Y’alls way of thinking and reasoning now is going to be different 5 years from now. Every relationship is different and yes there are are couples that have married young and have lasted…but marriages under 21 years of age is just too young. Many friends I graduated high school with that got married right out of high school are all divorced due to outgrowing each other and/or wanting to stay single. Take this time to get get an education while enjoying your relationship.

Post # 83
Hostess
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I met my DH at 19 and definitely knew I wanted to marry him after about a year together. We didn’t get married until I was 25 though. It was frustrating at points but I’m so grateful for everything we went through before tying the knot. Everyone is different but that’s just some food for thought. 

Post # 84
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I met my Fiance when I was 16 and he was 15. We are getting married later this year – I will be 26 and he will be 25. In reality, we’ve been together longer than some people’s marriages last (9 years total this July). We didn’t want to rush into marriage because we wanted to make sure that this was the real deal – people change so much during their late teens and early 20’s. And it was hard – we actually broke up when I was 18 (although a lot of that was due to parental pressure on doing well in our last year of high school) and got back together a year later. We are very fortunate that, as we’ve grown and matured, we’ve done so together – our goals and dreams have remained fairly similar. We’ve certainly endured some obstacles, but we’ve come out far stronger on the other side. My Fiance says that he knew all those years ago that I was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with – and because of this, he felt there was no need to rush into marriage and having a family and all that. I don’t think our lives would be much different now if we were already married, but it’s meant that we got to enjoy dating without all the pressures of being husband and wife.

Honestly, I agree with PPs – you guys are still very much in the honeymoon stage. I think you should slow down on getting married and just enjoy dating for a while. You’re both so young, it’s not like your biological clock is ticking down or anything. I think you both need to learn who you are alone as well as together, and this isn’t something that will happen overnight.

Post # 85
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You’re too young. Not because you’re 19, because this:

1. You don’t understand the meaning of “financial independence” and “self-sufficiency.” Financial independence doesn’t JUST mean you have a job and use the earnings to pay for your expenses (although that’s certainly part of it); financial independence also refers to your level of financial responsibility. Your Fiance has an 18-month-old daughter, you both only have HS diplomas, and he is in debt. And yet your Fiance is buying you a $7300, which he can’t even finance in one payment?? People with children, insufficient educational credentials, and debt don’t buy $7K rings–they put money into college savings, they pay for a semester at community college, they pay off their debts. That’s the meaning of being financially self-sufficient. 

2. On a related note, if you vacation with your family, then does that mean you’re not paying for the vacation? If so, go back to point #1. If you are paying for the vacation, then what are you doing paying $7K for a ring AND going on vacation when you have **actual responsibilities** that you need to worry about? 

3. Your Fiance has an 18-month-old child at the age of 21, putting him at 19 when she was born and 18 when she was conceived. In what universe did a guy with a HS diploma and zero money (presumably, or less, if he’s in debt) think it was a good idea to have a kid? And you want to legally bind yourself to this person and sign up to being a stepmother to his daughter? Please, for the kid’s sake, don’t do this. 

You want to talk about how squee! you’re going ring shopping and squee! he might propose on vacation and you never fight and how you love to wake up next to him. Look we all need a little romance in our lives, but you can’t seem to tell the difference between real life responsibilities and romance. Weddings reside in storybook romance land, but for one day. The marriage is for the rest of your life and that is squarely real life. 

 

 

Post # 86
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

SLOOOOOOOOOW DOOOOOOOOOOWN

If it’s truly meant to be, it’ll still be meant to be in a few years.  

Your brain is not fully developed until you are 25.  You may feel like you’re an adult, and you’re mature.  But physically, you still have a long way to go.  Take a few years to get to know each other and yourself.   

Post # 87
Member
7999 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

View original reply
BothCoasts:  I couldn’t have said it better. Going into debt for a ring he cannot afford when he already has debt, a child to care for and school to pay for? That’s a really, REALLY immature thing to do, and it is terribly immature on your part to encourage him to do so. “Real life” isn’t $7K rings and weddings when neither of you has an education and cannot afford to be independent.

Post # 88
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You’re not even legal to have alcohol yet, why would you want to get married now, if you really love him, you guys have the rest of your lives together… no need to rush

Every 18 year old thinks they’re mature… But trust me, in a few years you’re going to look back and be like what the hell was i thinking. And just because you two live together right now doesn’t mean anything. You guys are still at the honey moon stage. Wait a few years.

Post # 89
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

View original reply
ren89:  I was just about to say this exact thing 

Post # 90
Member
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

You’re gonna spend $7000 on a ring??? You should spend that on your education. He has a child? Are you ready to be a step parent? You are way too young to be considering marriage.

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